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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of 10 yrs best friend and me are in love, nothing physical aside from a kiss has happened. Been feeling this for 3 years now. Got busted emailing back and forth a couple of times...don't know what to do. To add to the turmoil we all lost everything in Hurricane Katrina, but bottom line, I don't feel the same for boyfriend, and will not date ANYONE for minimum of 6 months after boyfriend and I break up-safe amount of time for healing right? B/f best friend says he'll wait, and I am forcing myself to put his intentions aside, will be devastating for boyfriend-question is has this worked out long term for anyone. I am only questioning for advice not for guidance.
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male
reader, tux  +, writes (10 November 2006):
 10 years is a long time for a bf/gf relationship IMO. By that time, I would think a husband/wife relationship would have occurred unless the 2 of you never thought of making that committment or just didnt think it truly meant anything to get married. But I will say if you are searching to be someone's wife/husband, that 10 years is too long for to find out if it's not going to work.
under that assumption I would say that you realise that you and boyfriend are not going to work out. then, you see his friend as maybe an alternative that could maybe work. you're "love" for his friend may not be a concrete idea but just an idea of it being different so it will work..
But that was just thinking too much in how the mind may work. In the end, it's problaly time to end it with your boyfriend if you want to be with another man. But you need to decide if your adoration of your boyfriend's friend is real or just an opportunity to see if you can have a better relationship with someone else or just alternative to something that it's working.
But if you choose to leave your boyfriend, then i would wait awhile and just not focus on finding a mate. I would say atleast 6 mnths because anything shorter will problaly not work for a 10 year relationship. I have enough trouble with ones that only go 1.5 years.. But i believe hearing once that it's a month for each year you've been together..but only you will decide if you are over your last relationship.
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