A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with someone who at the moment doesn't to commit to a relationship. Right now, we both are good friends, we help each other, hang out, text and call each other regularly. We have grown to trust each other and have each others'backs. When we are together, we cuddle, kiss, laugh and feel great but we do not have sex. I know he's dating many women at the moment with who he has sex with and this is hard on me because I want something serious with him and want him to stop playing games. I think he's afraid that what we have won't last if we enter a relationship. I just need advice on how to handle this situation. When people ask if he's my boyfriend, my answer is: we are one of those Facebook status; It's complicated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): Don't pick apples from your apple tree and give it to a person who is good at stealing apples, because they will not value them. You cannot give them what they can't get themselves. Give your apples to someone who takes good care of apple trees. Only they appreciate the value of apples.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 November 2012):
 It's not complicated at all OP. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but he's just not that into you. And when folks ask if he's your boyfriend the answer truthfully would be "no but I would like him to be so I' giving him physical pleasure (cuddling and kissing) in hopes that it will change his mind" IT won't.
How to handle this:
Stop being physical with him. no cuddling no kissing... that's not friends that's fuck buddies even if you aren't fucking.... sorry to hurt you and burst your bubble.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (24 November 2012):
 But OP you *know* that he has commitment issues. Do you really want to date someone who has these issues? Wouldn't it be easier, long term, to find someone else who doesn't have these issues?
If you are kissing and cuddling, your feelings are going to get stronger and stronger and eventually you are going to get hurt.
If you want to be just friends with him then you need to reset your boundaries, no kissing and cuddling (definitely no sex - though this seems to be his boundary, not yours?) - just plain friendship. At the moment it isn't just friendship. So your theory of friendship progressing to relationship doesn't apply in this situation.
You could wait to see if he grows out of his 'playing' phase but also don't hold your breath; don't make yourself unavailable to decent men because of this chump.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 November 2012):
 I don't see it as very complicated either. It's pretty straightforward. You want a serious relationship with him, he does not want a serious relationship with you. You want two different things.
If he were a player he would have no qualms in sleeping with you... uhm, would he really need too ? I mean, it sounds like sex is easily available in his life and from different sources, maybe he is not that motivated to add one more source. Particularly if he knows, suspects or imagines that you have feelings for him , and that , once you are intimate, you'd inevitably start manouvering for more than casual. THAT would make it complicated, from his point of view.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012): Im tthe person who posted this and i think relationships are usually stronger and last longer when you are best friends first, and a couple second. I know this man has commitment issues but if he was playing me, I think he would have no problem sleeping with me.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 November 2012):
 My "guy" point of view is that the two responders before me have given you the "straight scoop".... and that only YOU can control YOUR reaction(s) if and as this friendship continues.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (24 November 2012):
 Stop cuddling and kissing him. He's a player and he likes the way he's life is. Its not complicated for him; just for you. Treating him as a friend may not be easy for you since your feelings are involved. Spend less time with him and more with your other friends. You may even find what you're looking for. But as long as you're attached to him, you will not be free. Dump him he's using you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 November 2012):
 It's not really that complicated. He doesn't WANT a relationship, he wants to have several girls he can screw around with and the have you who he almost treats as a GF, but without the commitment/responsibility.
Friends do not kiss and cuddle.
And you can't change his mind. My advice TREAT him like a friend and stop the kissing/cuddling. BUT accept that he will NOT date you. Sp if you want a partner/BF - HE IS NOT IT.
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