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I am in an abusive relationship and he makes me do things I don't like

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2006) 7 Answers - (Newest, 23 July 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

i am humiliated i am back again with the same old problem.the situation is unbearable my relationship is seriously faulty.everytime he looks at me or speaks to me he either shouts critisizes and has an obsession with my bum.he is continuously touching it and wants sex that way i dont know if dear cupid will let this one through but it has been going on for 7 years no normal sex whatsoever i have tried to tell him its not right but he says he doesnt want me to get pregnant i have been with him for 10 years and we already have a daughter he gets nasty if i agree,well not agree if u see what im saying but then cant go through with it.i have had years of counselling and i know hes abusing me mentally as i have no confidence self esteem and no life he has never hit me but sometimes wish he would i have noone to talk to and councelling wont help while he still with me my councellor only sees me once a fortnignt and i cant make anyone understand what this is doing to daughter has no idea whats going on thank god.sometimes i think its me which stops me from leaving and i dont remember how bad i feel .last night i cried while this happened again i feel like im being abused by my own mind. i dont know what i want from you as i know only i can do something to help myself i have lots of plans for the future and would love to be happy .is anyone out there into brain surgery cuz i think this one is dodgy.sorry and thanksxxx

View related questions: confidence, self esteem

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2006):

I have thought about your problem and here goes reg anal sex tell him if he don't want you to get pregnant go and get the snip tell him this does nothing for you sexually and you want to enjoy sex as much as he does so he will have to try other things to make you happy as he has been happy for 7 yrs and you also deserve to be satisfied by saying this it will build up your confidance as you and everyone else here will agree he is abusing you and if you cannot walk away you need to try other means to stop this. talk to him calmly tell him you do not like it keep going to the councellor and i actually do agree do not have another baby to this guy. No you do not nedd a brain transplant you just need to get stronger and stand up for ypourself as if you don't you will be stuck with this forever or if you do leave you will find another guy like this one who will abuse you so now id the time everthing he says give a different approch to it and if you stick to it you will eventually feel stronger got to add if he gets nasty (hits you) then you have no option but to leave. Hope this helps and good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006):

Get out of that abusive relationship now. I now you can because I did it too. My bf use to make me do things I didnt like. You cant say no to him, I know the feeling and at the end you just give in to keep the peace.

I have left him you know.I even needed a court order to get him to stop contacting me but I did it with the support from my family and friends. I know you can do it.

It has been 6 years now that I havent seen him but I still get nightmares, and you will probably too. Just leave him even if you have to leave secretly in the middle of the nite. Get police to help you so that he cant bother you.

If you dont leave I can ony see things getting worse for you and belive me he wont change.You have to take it into your own hands.

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A female reader, sasha93 +, writes (13 June 2006):


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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks all for taking the time to reply, i know something has to be done but hes nice about what he does in a weird kind of way so i never know what to do he will not listen to me when i talk about the problem and thinks im "oversensitive"so nothing can be frustratedand i feel sorry for i get what i deserve right.xx

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A female reader, Phoebe Halliwell United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2006):

Phoebe Halliwell agony auntDear Reader,

As Smiler says, no-one has the right to physically or mentally abuse anyone.

You may feel like your daughter has not a clue what's going on, and I'm sorry to say this but kids can pick up on a lot of things adults can't. How did you stand it for so long? I understand that you stayed in the relationship fro your daughter but don't you think she'd be happier if her Mummy was happy?

You have done nothing wrong, don't feel ashamed, it's HIM, that THING, who should be ashamed of himself. I think you are so brave for staying and hangin on in there for your daughter. There is one thing you can do that is best for you both and I think you can guess what we're all going to say. Get out Of There. Leave Him, he had his chance and treated you badly, abusing you like that! Take your Little girl and Leave that beast! He ought to be locked up!

We're all here for you. We're all supporting you. Never feel you are alone, any problems, don't hesitate to contact me or Smiler personally. We're here for you when you fell no-one is.

Thinking of you, admiring you and hoping this helped!

All The Best, Good Luck And Blessed Be,



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A female reader, Smiler +, writes (31 May 2006):

Smiler agony auntHey there

Hi sweetie, well firstly your completely not to blame in any shape or form here ok.... you are being physically abused by this guy i'm only amazed that you have stood it for so long, i was in an abusive relationship for 7 months and that felt like 7 years... its a horrible situation to be in an i really do feel for you babe... the fist 3/4 years you obviusly stayed and tried the councilling thing for the sake of your daughter and i can partly understand this, you are under the opinion that your daugther is unaware of whats happening between you and this animal but sweetie children are very resilient and see more than they say trust me here she can probably read whats going on via your lack of confidense or happiness or affection between you and this animal... so therefore you have no reason to be staying there.... get out and take your little girl with you, i know its hard to make that break due to fear of him and fear of the unknown.... BUT NO MAN OR INDIVIDUAL HAS THE RIGHT TO PHYSIACLLY AND MENTALLY ABUSE ANYONE!

sweetie i got out broke free and there is light at the end of that tunnel for you... after 10 years with this animal enduring these horrible things you have earned the right to meet someone who will give you the love and respect you deserve..... YOU ARE IMPORTANT YOU ARE A HUMAN BEAN YOUR FEELINGS DO COUNT!!!! he is in the wrong here stand up and be counted sweetie ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. it will take a lot of bravery and courage to do what your going to do but i urge you with every onuce of strength it took me to get out do this get out YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS.NO WAY DON'T STAND THIS ANY LONGER GET UP AND GO TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER AND GO SWEETIE BREAK FREE!

GOOD LUCK! I hope my advice has helped you i will be preying for you, please feel free to email me i'm always here for you if you need a chat or just more advise ok i would love to hear from you again.

You Take Care Sweetie X

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A female reader, sasha93 +, writes (31 May 2006):

sasha93 agony auntyou need to do sdomething and fast! you cant keep this up

especially if your daughter finds out this could knock things big time. if hes treating you like this he doesnt deserve you and your better than this. If hes not respecting you and using sex well hes not a man at all? nobody needs brain surgery theres probably loads of people out there that wish they were you and loads of nicer loving men want you. you shouldnt let this man control u and you defently should not be scared of him. hes not worth the

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