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I am having an affair with my teacher from school

Tagged as: Dating, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2006) 21 Answers - (Newest, 12 March 2010)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

about 3 months ago i received a telephone call from a teacher at my school, telling me that i was invited to a revision session. When i got there however, it was just me and my teacher as the others couldn't make it at such short notice. We began talking, and he then asked me to stay for dinner. I did becuase my parents were away for the weekend, and he gave me wine to drink with the dinner. I think that we both drank a bit too much, but he suddenly told me that he loved me. I have had feelings for this teacher for a long time, becuase he is a friend of a friend and i often see him out of school, and he is very handsome, and he is always helping me and being kind to me and looking out for me so i said i loved him too. One thing led to another, and the next thing i know is that i am having sex with him. I left his house the following day, after having had sex three times. This happened over a weekend, and when i went to school on the monday, he kept looking at me, and slightly flirting with me, and i was so turned on. he asked me to stay behind after the lesson, and we went to his office, and nearly had sex there. We were kissing and cuddling, but were scared we would be interrupted. He told me that i had been the best he had ever had, and that he was glad that he had met me and that he was madly in love with me. I love him so much that i told him i felt the same. I gave him my mobile number, and we kept texting each other, and we talk online, and type whilst masturbating. we have had full on sex seven more times since then, and my feelings keep growing stronger each time. I know that our relationship is wrong, but i am in too deep, and too inlove to break it off. im leaving his school in a month so i wont be jeopodising his career will i? i really need some advice, because i have never felt like this before...

View related questions: affair, flirt, kissing, my teacher, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010):

I think he's taking advantage of you because you're young. I know you love him (or think you do) but this is not right. You said it yourself. And why should you leave in order to save his career? It is his responsibility in the first place. And do your parents know about this? I don't know how involved your parents are in your life but if I were a parent I would like to know. That teacher is not a man if you ask me, he is (1) taking advantage of you (manipulating your emotions) and (2) he is not even man enough to "admit" his love for you to the others (parent and school officials involved). If he loves you so much, why keep it hiding? Again I think he's using you and you're gonna end up with a broken heart or maybe even a disease. As a future teacher what he is doing upsets me very much. As to you, you are a victim, and you will continue to be one until you realize it. I wish you the best.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010):

It's not good to be in this deep. I'm in a similar situation, except my teacher is married. And just so you know, HE'S jeapordizing his career, not you. My teacher has already been accused several times of having an affair with me, and it's just a giant mess now. He could go to jail for a long, long time for doing this with you. I say get out... Fast. Don't make my mistake.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010):

i had a sexual relationship with my teacher and it was great. my headmaster found out and said it was fine aslong as it wasnt in school time. we had a great time, and loved each other. But in the end, it didn't work out cos of where i was in my life. I have been left with a really bad reputation at my school and now cant return because everyone knows. It was fun at the time, but was it worth the sex? im not sure

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010):

That is a really difficult one to answer.... You ARE putting his job at risk by having this affair, and you need to be SOO careful with what you are getting yourself into. I know that you said you love him, but you need to be careful that he is not a predator, and that he is not taking advantage of you. I honestly believe that you should wait until your a bit older, to see if this is what you really want, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be careful!! Think about how old you are, and how old he is.... How long have you known him? Are you sure that you can trust this man? Have a good long think about it, and think about whether your sure that this is what you want. If you feel that it is appropriate to approach him and discuss this issue with him, then do that. If you feel that you should break up with him, then do it. Be assertive, and if he does anything to make you feel uncomfortable, then tell someone straight away. Don't let it get out of hand, and PLEASE be careful!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010):

Uhm. I understand you think you are in love because he's hot.

But a grown man having continous sex with a young female student

is disgusting. But trust me I know how you feel, my current teacher

who I have a little crush on almost told me he loved me, but I walked

away! You need to report him and realize he's not as good as you think

he is, in fact he's a pedophile! Sorry, hope everything works out!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009):

Hey,

So you never mention how old you, but when you say he's a teacher, it sent up red flags in my book. He's already jeopardizing his job by having a sexual relationship with you. My friend was having an affair with his gay teacher, and it only caused him more heartache than happiness. It's hard but you're gonna have to move on. You need to tell him you no longer want to be in a relationship with him-drop his class if you can, defriend him, block his number-do whatever. If he really cared about you, he'd wait until you were legal. The fact that he gave you wine and seduced you when you were intoxicated is beyond wrong. You NEED to report him-trust me, he'll find another kid. After my friend broke it off with our teacher (he refused to report him) the teacher moved on before he was caught. Tell someone, please.

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A male reader, furby12314 United States +, writes (21 November 2009):

Hey,

So you never mention how old you, but when you say he's a teacher, it sent up red flags in my book. He;s already jeopardizing his job by having a sexual relationship with you. My friend was having an affair with his gay teacher, and it only caused him more heartache than happiness. It's hard but you're gonna have to move on. You need to tell him you no longer want to be in a relationship with him-drop his class if you can, defriend him, block his number-do whatever. If he really cared about you, he'd wait until you were legal. The fact that he gave you wine and seduced you when you were intoxicated is beyond wrong. You NEED to report him-trust me, he'll find another kid. After my friend broke it off with our teacher (he refused to report him) the teacher moved on before he was caught. Tell someone, please.

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A female reader, suzi_q United Kingdom +, writes (10 September 2009):

i have had an affair with a married 39 year old teacher, it didnt happen like you would expect, it started on glances at both parts, and we felt we understood each other and for ages we wud jus meet and chat about music and everything really...go for walks no sexual contact apart from kissing and holding hands, when we did eventualy have sex it was six months later. it was magical to me and i think it was to him and we did genuinly love each other and when your so in love its hard to remember the wife you'd be hurting but she was also having an affair with someone else from what i understand. in school time, we wud meet in his class jus to chat nothing more, anything else happened outside of school, my god he made me feel happy and in my life ive had alot of problems and i thought now i cud be happy but even then i understood that as he said he could never leave his wife and i was happy with that....why god was i?.....was it because i felt wanted? because i finaly found someone who thought like me, he also helped me get over an eating disorder and self harming problem, we were so close.....but then it happened, he turned on me as though he resented me, he's accuse me of things, control me, threaten me, tell other people things about me, bring up my past problems against me i was in a relationship with him for two years before this started and for the last year i havent been able to walk away even though ive obviously started being used, he really does treat me like dirt, PLEASE WALK AWAY, DONT END UP LIKE ME,

unless someone has actualy been in this position they cannot possibly understand, only judge, let me tell you what i have learned,

affairs, their wrong pure and simple....i could easily go and tell the world about whats happened but i wont, because i know he loves his wife and even though she had an affair herself im not going to get in between them two, teachers and pupils should remain pupils and teachers, they ARE in duty of trust and my god i regret everything i did that changed that between me and this teacher,

the last year has been hell for me and maybe i deserve it, but please walk away before you get hurt because you will, i didnt think i would but i did so much.

i am so guilty and i deserve to be.....and i am to much of a coward to walk away however much i want to because im scared of what will happen if i walk away,

DONT BE LIKE ME WHO IS A COWARD,

Walk away from this.....make a new life for yourself and be happy.....please

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

In my humble view, if this guy really cares for you than he'll probably support your decision to leave. But what do I know? I've never been in a relationship. Or even had sex. Go team Jacob!

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A female reader, mysterious_blonde_lady United Kingdom +, writes (6 June 2009):

I'm not sure what advice you are asking for? seems more like you are broadcasting your life or more simply 'attention seeking'.

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A female reader, Kate. United Kingdom +, writes (6 September 2008):

If you are leaving or have left school then what's the problem?

And can I ask how it all properly started?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008):

I haven't myself been in relationship with a teacher but i have been in love with one or two. I actually told one of them my feelings (not an offer of sex at all by the way) and he actually took it really well. He declined of course, but said he sensed it for a while. I had been in love with him for ages and it has taken a long time for me to build that bridge to get over him (not that i'm entirely over him, truth be known).

i never had sex on my mind, really, when it came to him. I just wanted to get to know him, but not exactly JUST like a friend, if you get what i mean. He is a younger teacher which makes him easy to get on with.

My point is, i agree that if he is using you for sex only and if he has a partner of some sort, then fair enough that it is wrong. But hypothetically, if you and a single teacher go about getting to know each other and even fall in love like your "average couple" would do, you guys can still have as much of a chance of happiness as anyone else. When sex comes into it, it will get delicate, however in my opinion if he does not pressure you in any way and want to do it as well, it should be ok.

i know some won't agree with what i am saying at all and some area in what i am saying still needs further justification to understand my point of view. I just believe that, again, if everything is generally like a normal relationship, then the title of a "Teacher" should be less of a priority, espciall when it comes to finding happiness which each and every one of us looks for in our lives.

Thanks.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008):

well I guess its not a crime BUT, wat is the age difference?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008):

I was in love with my teacher at school and 10 years later I still have feelings for him, I saw him recently at a reunion and he kept staring at me and hugged me for a bit too long. I am friends with him on myspace and find it hard not to confess my feels but he is married with children and I don't want that on my conscience.

Anyway I know how you feel but you have got to end this before someone gets hurt, more than likely yourself!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007):

What everyone has been saying here is true, though I know that when you have strong feelings for someone it's hard to take the advice - even if deep down you know it's true. But from what you have written, it really does look like he has used you for sex.

Kissing, cuddling, sex can be amazing - and may make you truly believe he loves you. But would you be able to spend time together without this? Just talking and doing day to day things. It seems that even if you could do this, he could not.

The first time you met up with him alone you ended up having sex with him the same night. It isn't always the teachers fault in these sort of situations, but here I think he has led you to beleive he is in love with you, for the sake of having sex. THIS is what is completely wrong. It seems that his sweet nothings have gotten way out of hand, you've had sex with him ten times and no sign of a stable and secure relationship.

It's going to be hard to get out of this relationship, until you see things differently to the way you do now you'll let him, get away with it. Not your fault - love/lust do crazy things. But I really should try and be strong and break it off. If you arne't ready, then at least promise yourself no more sex - see if he can provide you with a stable, loving, secure relationship before you go there again. But, and you won't want to hear this, I have my doubts that he'll ever be able to provide you with this.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes. :)

Natalie xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007):

i am 15 and last year i met the most amazing person in my life, the only dwnfall was he was my teacher, i was reli close 2 iim and even went on a skl trip 2getha, he always stared at me and flirted with me, and when he did he made me the happiest prsn in the world, bcoz he is my life. the only fing is, he has a gf, if he didnt i would give him my number when i leave becuase i love him more than anything, hes all thats ever in my head and he means the world to me, and i can see he likes me 2. in that trip he was always tryin to talk 2 me and even stred at me on the coach wen i was closing my eyes, pretendin to fall asleep to c if he watched. if u feel the same as me i relli fink u r luki u av the prsn u love n that is all that counts, id love to have him but he doesnt teach me anymore and although e stil flirts n stares we r not as close as we used 2 b wen i had him which reli upsets me, anyway gd luk xx

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A female reader, JaDeSlife United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2007):

hi im 14 im very fond of my science teecher and last year i hated his guts ,he stared at me constantly and always walked into me and once he purposly felt my bum whilst taking my chair .my best mate was outraged and said i needed to tell sum1 -i didnt .however i had a student teacher for a while and when i got him bak i relised tht i qwite liked him.i flirted wiv him and he showed it bk.this year i was luki enuff to get him again , and i ended up having sex with him in extra tuition.im not saying it is gd to hav a relationship infact i am pretty disgusted wiv myself as he is older than my dad -he is 36 .

i dont love him and he is married but lust is a powerful thing .ppl wud say he is a predaor n peodophile but he didnt make me/lure me i made my feelings qwite clear so why does every1 blame the teecher

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2006):

wrong, wrong, wrong, UR WRONG - HIS WRONG ! You've fallen into the sterotypical American teacher trap. His behaviour is not only disgusting and unprofessional; it's totally reprehensible. You should be more concerned with reading books and writing essays than getting your panties off with the nearest authority figure you can lay your hands on - what are you? Got no respect for yourself or what? Or are you trying to guarantee that A percentile with some extra curricula activity. He is an immoral beast and should be disqualified, sacked and imprisoned for using his position to get sexual favours from silly ill informed students. Kick him to the curb, buy some self-R-E-S-P-E-C-T from the local 7-11 at whatever trashy part of Outer Knoxville that you live in and finish your education - and I mean your scholastic education not your education in how to be a cheap slut.

REPORT THIS PAEDOPHILIC S-O-B TO THE POLICE AND THE LOCAL EDUCATION AUTHORITY AS SOON AS YOU READ THIS

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2006):

Yes he IS jeopardising his career, as you are a student there NOW. However, that's not what'smost important here. He is using you, and you cant see it yet. He just wants sex. Think about it....when he invited you over for the revision session, it was with the thought that he could be having sex by the end of the night! The sooner you realise this the better.

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A reader, sexylinz United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2006):

sexylinz agony aunti agree with smeedle. This guy is using you! once he is bored he will finish you...or even before that if you get pregnant.

you seriously need to finish it. tell your parents...they will be able to support you through this and help you to see that what he is doing to you is wrong.

fair enough they may be angry at first but they will always be there to support you thy're your parents. its what they are there for.

If you feel you cant talk to your parents, talk to an adult you trust but NOT the teacher.

good luck xx

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A female reader, smeedle United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2006):

smeedle agony auntWhat he is doing is wrong, both of you know this and both of you are putting his carreer at risk, which to my mind is a good thing as he needs to be sacked.

I know people fall for each other but what he has done is given you drink, filled you full of ridiculouse notions of loving you and getting his way with you, in having sex with you several times it proves it was not just a one off in the heat of the moment thing it was planned and sadly you fell into his trap.

I would bet that you are not the first and will not be the last, sorry this is harsh but in time when he bores of you or feels he may get found out then you will be dumped and you will not understand why, he will put his career before you everytime as this is what brings him his victims.

Teachers are not pupils friends and are certainly not there lovers, they are in a position of trust.

I would tell you to make sure you dont get pregnant but I bet he has sorted this out already and I bet he has asked you to not tell even your best mate, he wont stay with you for that im certain.

Ditch him and report him!!

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