A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid..Am feeling uncomfortable with my friend's husband as of late. We are friends for almost 3yrs . before it was all fine but for the past 5 months i just feel awkaward around him. i find him too much focused on me when we meet, even when his wife is there. last time we went out clubbing he asked me to sit on his lap a and his wife quickly said no and gave me her chair...(that was very awkward). when i walked in to meet them he couldn't stop telling me how beautiful i looked. He was drunk so i just laughed about it and said thanks.. one time we bumped at a restaurant, he gave me a very tight long hug that lasted for like 2 minutes or so.. i had to pat him on the back twice to let get loose of which he did and quickly grabbed a chair and asked me to sit next to him on their table. We go out a lot together me,his wife and other friends for dinners or clubbing and he never lets me pay for anything, i don't remember the last time i run out of alcohol without him refilling, even when my husband is there he does that. 3 days ago while refilling my drink ,i was holding the glass and he put his hand on top of mine. i was so uncomfortable i couldn't even look him in the eye when i said thanks. I just walked away. Am trying to understand if he is seriously flirting with me or am the one who like him and that's why am feeling uncomfortable and reading too much in to everything he does. Should i just keep my distance from him and tell him that he is making me uncomfortable and i don't want to ruin our friendship? What if this is all me misinterpreting his actions?
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clubbing, drunk, flirt, friend's husband Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update. We went out last night as a group but my husband wasn't there. Took ur advice. Paid my own bills even when he insisted to cover for me. He asked me to dance with him and I politely refused too. He tried to massage my shoulders and I politely told him it wasn't appropriate. I think he got the msg now coz after that he kept a distance as much as possible. Thank u all!
A
female
reader, peteloevely  +, writes (15 April 2015):
 you are not bein crazy at all, you have tangible reasons to feel the way you do, you do not like his behaviour towards you. there is no reason to second guess yourself.
if he is infact always putting his hands on you, and giving you prolonged hugs just tell him to tone it down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for ur time and advice. I told my husband about it, not in detail but he got the picture and he didn't say much. As for my friend she knows about it because it happens while she is there and later she will tell me " I know hubby likes u, don't take him seriously though, he is just being nice)" . Yes, I need to deal with him... I just don't know how to bring it up without offending him... Or if am wrong then he will think am crazy. But My gut tells me he is being a creep and I have noticed him staring at me several times across the table. I guess I should go with my gut and get the courage to tell he is crossing the boundaries. Thank u all!!!
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A
female
reader, peteloevely +, writes (14 April 2015):
you have to tell him , be straightforward, if he gets offended then it is most likely because he was making a pass and feels rejected. If he was just been friendly and you tell him he overstepped the mark, he will tone it down. either way you got to do something about this, you don't have to have him invading your space and making you uncomfortable.since you said your friend has seen him act like that in front of her, then it is probably ineffective to talk about it with her she might be in denial and get really insulted and you try to make her acknowledge his behaviour.Deal with the messenger.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2015): Go with your gut feeling. You are uncomfortable because his behavior is inappropriate.
Also,you need to set firmer boundaries...like ask your husband directly to refill your drink. And refuse the other guy's offer. Right now, although it's not your intention, you appear to be okay with the guy's behavior and actions because you are not being proactive in stopping it. He may be emboldened to go further unless there is direct action from you.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (14 April 2015):
 His behaviour is unacceptable, and you need to tell him so. Don't keep ignoring it: it won't stop if you do.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 April 2015):
 Maybe he is a handsy guy? Maybe he is just a creep.
Either way, if you don't like it why not DECLINE him paying for your drinks or refilling it? Take care of yourself or let your husband do that?
You are married, He is married so does it matter If he is attempting to flirt? NIP it in the bud. Don't play along. Don't feel like you have to BE nice, if he is hugging you "too long" STEP back. He will have to break the hug. If he touches you in a way you don't want remove hand, face whatever. Sitting on his lap? No. Just don't.
I don't think this is all your fault, HE is definitely enjoying the whole "I'm such a charmer", and you can't control HIS actions - you CAN however control your own and your reactions.
Or you will end up with a hostile friend (the wife).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2015): I think you should talk to your friend about what going on.And put him in his place.
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