A
female
age
41-50,
*ollyanna
writes:I have been secretly emailing with a friend's husband and it is getting heavy. There is crazy attraction and they will be moving close by soon. I'm not sure how to handle this. It was just sort of flirty before but now it's too close to home. I know this is not right, so don't preach please... I've already figured that out for myself. I just don't know what to do about this. On one hand I am liking the excitement on the other hand there is just too many moral reasons to stop. What would you do?
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affair, flirt, friend's husband Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Don't do it. You r going to ruin 2 families for a piece of tail. My husband cheated and now I need to decide do I raise 2 kids on my own (after I raised his other 2). So 4 kids and 2 grandkids to think about. Always trusted him now I don;t at all. If u cheat with him and then get togeather he will cheat on you. u will at least worry about it all the time. Why don't u talk to your husband and try to spice it up with him. U will lose alot if u r found out. Is it really worth it.
A
female
reader, jenna34  +, writes (29 February 2008):
Read this article: http://groups.google.com/group/ask-oldersister/web/the-married-man-single-woman-syndrome--dating-a-married-man-and-losing-yourself-in-the-process?hl=en
This situation will no longer feel as exciting to you.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 Maybe the next time you email him, just tell him what you told us -- that you're feeling guilty and uncomfortable and think the two of you should cool it. It was fun, but it needs to stop now. And if that's too hard for you to do, then just stop replying to his emails and he'll eventually figure out that you are no longer interested.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 It is like reading an interesting book.When you come to the end of the chapter, you close the book and put it away and get on with your life.
That was the fantasy world and you are going back to the real world.
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 Hi there.
I really feel sorry for you, because this is such a tough situation.
Firstly, well done for realizing your mistakes before it went too far. Not many people do, and like Uncle Phil said, the excitement of the 'new and unknown' is addictive.
What you should do.
Well - you've already realized that you cannot take this thing ANY further. The consequences are just too severe, and you would have to live with the guilt.
How do you stop it? This is the tough part.
You need to sit down, and write a very clear email to this guy.
Tell him that you have come to the realization that things are on the verge of going too far. Tell him that you respect the friendship between yourself, and them as a couple too much to mess it up in any further way. Tell him that you've really enjoyed the 'excitement' he has created, but that it is time to end it, because too many people (including yourselves) will get hurt if this continues.
AND then - leave it at that.
Don't let him convince you otherwise (as he might try). Stand firm and clear. Be understanding and caring in your email. You are in fact ending a relationship...
I really hope this turns out for the better.
Good luck.
Mail me if you wanna chat.
Love & Light
M
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Well, I was in this situation myself many years ago. We got carried away with the excitement of it all and it grew into a full blown affair. We tried to stop but the illicit sex was far too addictive. We were eventually rumbled and then the shit hit the fan big-time.
So, - with hindsight, which is a wonderful thing - to answer the question of what I would do, I would end it but remain friends and save yourself some severely bad moments in the future. Divorce, anger, lost friendships, upheaval of all your lives, traumatised kids - need I go on?
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A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (29 February 2008):
 Hi
Put yourself in your friend's shoes and ask yourself if it was your husband flirting with her would like it? get the answer and judge for yourself. Because I dont think whatever we can tell u will change your mind so if you really love your friend then you will be a friend not her husband snatcher.
Jovial
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A
female
reader, peaches08  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 The fact you have been 'secretly' emailing him, proves you knew it was a bad idea in the first place, and if discoverd, would be a bit of a scandal.I question your friendship with this husbands other half - have you considered her feelings in this?My suggestion is to stop it now, before anything physical happens, or these emails are discovered, you could cause ALOT of upset. Things like this can be exciting, but why can you not find a man who is actually available?
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