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I am committing incest with my cousin and my sister and don't know how to stop

Tagged as: Family, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 September 2007) 32 Answers - (Newest, 29 December 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, *nt5 writes:

Im a 21 year old male(just so you know=) me and my cousin who is 24 we have always been close to each other. I always stayed at her house when we were younger and hung out alot not thinking much of it. We would even hold hands in public at times. Of course me being so young i didnt know about "incest" much or what "wasnt right" occasionally now we still sleep together. We always hug each other and kiss each other on the cheek when we say hi or bye etc. We even send each other text messages saying we love each other and how attractive the other is etc. I guess due to her being so close to me since i was little i got the impression that closeness was "ok" and i had no idea it would lead to incest,i ended up getting invloved with my sister later on as well. My cousin wants me to marry this other cousin we have since she likes me so much etc. but i have no feelings for that cousin. Ive read so many incest cases on here etc. but i guess what im trying to say is im tired of this "incest thing" at times it just seems i cant stop or pull away from it,i love them so much and i have a hard time resisting the temptation i just want to stop sometimes. any advice would greatly help and ill be glad to tell you more details if u need to know so u could give more advice.

View related questions: cousin, incest, text

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A male reader, hemza215 United Kingdom +, writes (29 December 2010):

Come on what is wrong with you! You can't sleep with your cousin it's sick! She's family!

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A female reader, wierdcousin United States +, writes (2 February 2009):

hey.. it's much better to stay way from ur cousin and sister... i mean u can talk but avoid the sexual relationship... don't be alone w/ ur sister or cousin in a room, coz its really a temptation..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007):

To the last poster, I doubt your story is real. It must be fiction because you said you are female, yet you talked about your COCK! But if it is real, was it a one-time thing, or did you and your sister have some kind of ongoing sexual relationship for a period of time? Also, how old were you and your sister when this sexual boating incident occurred?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007):

if u feel its wrong wich you obviously do or you woul;dnt have written it in then you need to talk with her because she probably knows its kinda wierd too

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007):

just go with your feelings. dont let anyone tell you something is wright or wrong. hell you only live once just do what ever makes you happy

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (9 November 2007):

int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i answered that in a previous reply,for the last timme,i asked on advice how to stop.(its consensual FYI)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007):

You have told us how your cousin feels about your relationship with her, but how does your sister feel? Does she have the same love feelings for you that your cousin semes to have? I know you find the sex with her exciting and addicting, but how does your sister feel about your sexual relationship with her?

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (27 October 2007):

int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thats ture,the taboo factor makes it so exciting but addicting

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

Well, if you want to stop and you have tried but you can't, then you need to go see a therapist who can help you break this habit. Either way, you are going to have to tell both your cousin and your sister that you can't continue having sex with them. Maybe see a therapist who is also a certified hypnotherapist and has experience breaking people of bad habits.

One thing that may be making it hard for you stop is the taboo factor. The fact that society frowns upon sex between relatives, especially brothers and sisters, may make the sex with your sister and cousin more exciting for you and therefore, more addictive. Have you tried talking to them about not having sex with you anymore? What was their reaction?

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (21 October 2007):

int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

everything is consensual and my cousin is just manipulative i guess you could say(id rather not say why she wants me to marry the other) but im not here to discuss that i asked for advice on how to stop.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007):

You said you became sexually involved with your sister becuase you "just developed an attraction" for her. But I do not understand why she is having sex with you if she is also involved with someone else. Did you ask her to have sex with you and she agreed, or was it something that just happened?

Also, if you are also sexually involved with your cousin, why does she want you to marry another cousin? I do not understand that either. Does the cousin you are sexually invovled with not want to marry you?

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A male reader, TSTVLVR_23505 United States +, writes (12 October 2007):

My sisters and I have always been sleeping in each others beds, taking baths and showers together. All three of us and our mother would watch. When I was masturbating watching my sisters Marcy and Amy since I was 10. We have always been close since they caught me, tried to teach me a lesson by dressing me up in their underwear and dress/make me up. They seem it made me hard and we started playing around. Mom caught us fucking on her bed, with me dressed in lingerie and joined in. She said, finally and just started in. Later we would have aunts, cousins and I would be dressed and loaned out to our mothers friends. To the root of it, I say go with what feels good, in your heart and well other places too.

Chaz/Chay (when dressed)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007):

You should probably talk to her to see how she would feel if you suddenly stopped having this kind of relationship with each other.

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (9 October 2007):

int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

tot he male reader anonymous, i just developed an attraction for my sister i dont know how. She is involved with someone and has kids but nobody knows about us in that way. You do make a great point because I too have developed an emotional bond realyl strong and when i try stopping it seems i cant cause i dont want to hurt anyone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007):

Well, here are just a couple of considerations to stop. Usually children raised together develop a sexual aversion to each other, this is mostly due to our God given sense of morality and concscience....that seems to be lacking in your character, I am afraid, and this is why I think you need some therapy, to help you find your moral compass.

Another reason incest with siblings especially and first cousins is that if you were to have offspriing they are very highly likely to be deformed genetically and or retarded in some way mentally, it is proven...even primates won't mate with their closely related siblings, they seem to know better.

What seperates human beings from animals is our sense of morality and concscience, even though a lot of people like to think that this is imposed by society, I can assure you it is not, it something uniquely humanesque and is in our DNA.

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (9 October 2007):

int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

to the anonymous female, Thanks SO MUCH for your advice. Its not all cause of societies views there are other little things here and there BUT I think I have made up my mind,like u said why stop right?=) I do care about them and yeah i guess you can say I have something going

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007):

Your situation is very complex. I understand how you got involved with your cousin, but how did you end up also having sex with your sister? Does your cousin know you are having sex with her? And how does your sister feel about having sex with you? Does she enjoy it? Please post back and tell more so I can better understand the relationship you have with your sister and provide feedback on how to deal with it.

One thing you need to be mindful of is that the longer these two incestous relationships go on, the more like it is that both your cousin and sister may start to develop very strong emotional feelings of love for you. Once they start feeling that way, it will be hard for them to end their relationship with you. One thing you might try is going to wwww.incestboard.com, an incest site where people involved in incest give advice to others on this topic.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007):

To Ms. Anon below about sex and taboos, I want to congratulate you on abandoning a religion that is so full of it - bluntly put.

Secondly, from a completely neutral standpoint, I totally agree with your words here: "The idea that sex feels good to test our moral conviction is a ridiculous notion carried over from the highly repressed Puritans society that burned people at the stake."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007):

Incest is a taboo for two primary reasons. The first one which is the important one is genetics. After many generations of incestuous relationships recessive traits start showing up and the health any offspring will decline. As long as you don't intend to have children with your family members this isn't a problem.

The other reason incest is taboo is because of Christianity. I was brought up Christian and have since turned my back on it for its contradictory tenets and often harmful influence. Sex is a natural process yet Christians treat it like its a sin second only to murder.

It's this repression of our natural urges that leads so many people to criminal behavior. The idea that sex feels good to test our moral conviction is a ridiculous notion carried over from the highly repressed Puritans society that burned people at the stake.

So my advice is, talk to your cousin and your sister about your reservations. Tell them that you don't feel comfortable anymore with pursuing a sexual relationship with them. But be sensitive and tell them WHY you're having trouble. They will feel hurt and jilted, they will feel rejected and probably resentful. You have to reassure them that you still love them, but that societal pressures are too much for you to continue the relationship.

Honestly though, if you love them and they love you, then why stop? It's not hurting anyone, why should you feel guilty for sharing something so beautiful with two women that you love? Make up your own mind, don't let society try to tell you you shouldn't do it. Who am I or anyone else on here to try and tell you that what you're doing is wrong?

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (1 October 2007):

int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

dont worry about it! I make my own choices

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A male reader, dildofun Belize +, writes (30 September 2007):

you are a sicko!

seriously keep it in your pants

or sleep with a hooker

god you sickooo

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007):

Going to a therapist shows that you are taking responsibility for your problem and that you realize that you are the one who needs to change and recognizing that you need help, or a different way to think about things to get there....seeing a therapist is a sign of strength, not weakness......and avoiding talking to one because incest is a taboo subject is just more of the same thing that keeps you stuck making the same mistake over and over.

Trust me your therapist will have had experience dealing with all kinds of subjects including ones that are uncomfortable to talk about, like incest....lift the veil of silence and shame and go speak to one and see if they can help you gain some insight into yourself and help you effect change in your life, which is what you want, right?

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (30 September 2007):

int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Take responsibility for my actions? what exactly do u mean? You make it sound harsh. I understand thats their job but cancer isnt a taboo sunject like incest,which is why i dont want to see a therapist about it. Or i should say which is why im confused and not sure what to do

Toeveryone else Thank you for your advice and please keep it coming. To the anonymous female thanks again

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007):

Hi, there is no need to be embarassed about talking to a therapist, that is their job, to help you...if you had a malignant mole on your butt, would you be embarassed to talk to a doctor about it knowing that cancer could kill you? Of course not. Take responsibility for your actions and ask for the help you need from a person who can actually help you.

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (29 September 2007):

int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much for that information. I truly appreciate all the advice. Im just too embarassed to speak to a therapist or anyone about it. Any other advice? Thinking about it,i see your point,my cousin just wants her own personal satisfaction although she is hard to resist sadly shes part of the 'negative'. I just find it SO hard not to give in to the incest temptatios BUT I think youll be glad to know that for a few days now I have stopped talking to my cousin,maybe not permanantly but I dont want to see her in person cause i know itll start back up. So i guess you cans ay im isolating myself from her for now,maybe this is a step,i dont know. With my sister,i havent done so yet

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007):

There is something called 'constellation' family therapy which you may also find useful. The one thing is that you now instinctively know in your heart and soul this is not right and, although it doesn't seem so now, you are actually in more control to remove yourself from it than you think. Imagine, really imagine, your life and how it would be without these people as part of it - as this may be the only option - certainly for a while. If you can face some isolation it could well be the opportunity you really need for your own personal growth. You have no chance of growing and simply being 'you' with all these controlling and very unhealthy relationships surrounding you. I wish you strength and luck to find the right path.

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (29 September 2007):

int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

to the anonymous female reader

Thank You for your response i truly appreciate it. It means alot to me and i will keep you updated.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007):

Sorry for my typing, the word is co-dependent.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007):

I am very concerned about what is going on in your family...have you been sexually abused by a family member, possibly male when you were younger?

This is a family problem in my opinion and there is a reason it is going on.....perhaps you live in an alchoholic home, many children of alchoholics do not learn how to set healthy boundaries for themselves and can become victim to co-dendent relationships where they are more concerned for pleasing others than for taking care of themselves.

I think you should seek some help to deal with this dysfunction in your family unit....seek the help of a professional family therapist, you go alone, you will learn alot about yourself and how to set healthy boudaries for yourself....Incest is not OK, it destroys lives, and you are suffering perhaps even from depression over this....so please speak to someone about it and start to change your life for the better....you can start with asking your family doctor for a referral to a therapist.

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (29 September 2007):

DrPsych agony auntAs an adult male you now recognise that what has happened is wrong - legally and morally. In the UK, relationships including marriages with first cousins are permitted by law but I appreciate that your State may disallow such things. Whatever the circumstance, a relationship with your sister would always be taboo on all sorts of levels. You need specialist counselling that is offered by mental health centres to address your past behaviour and your inappropriate feelings towards relatives. I am not suggesting you are mad or bad, but very confused and in need of professional intervention to enable you to form normal relationships in the future.

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (29 September 2007):

int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank You so much for the reply, i will keep you updated on everything. Thanks for not saying "youre sick" etc. or the typical responses but thanks for wha you wrote i really appreciate it. Ill keep you updated

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007):

I believe you've got the feelings of love for family and friends mixed up with the kind of love you would feel for a boyfriend or girlfriend! Obviously you have to take a step back! You're young, get out there and enjoy yourself with non family girls, and then you'l find that one which will make you see the difference between the two types of love!

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