A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just found out the other day that my girlfriend of over a year and a half has lost all her passion for the relationship and has been miserable lately and doesn't know how or if we can fix it. My constant worrying of where she's at or what she's doing all the time took a toll on her and pushed her away. I also had anxiety issues that pushed her away. its been a little weird especially since we live together and I tried talking to her about things that I can change to make her happier and I listened to what she expects from the relationship so I can fully understand what I need to do. She doesn't think that I can change and also feels like she cant meet my expectations for the relationship. Her friends are telling her that she needs to stay somewhere and give it some space and I told her that that would be a great idea but she hasn't done that and sticks around the house so I am forced to leave in order for us to have any space and time apart. She has barely said anything to me and I feel like she's starting to resent me a little because I am trying not to talk to her right now. I have still done a few little things here and there to let her know that I care. I just don't know why she would stick around and make things awkward when I feel like time and space apart is what we need especially for her to miss me and light that flame again. does anyone have any suggestions on what I can try?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2014): "I just don't know why she would stick around and make things awkward when I feel like time and space apart is what we need"
Because that's what you feel, doesn't mean she actually agrees with you and it certainly doesn't mean she feels she should be the one to make the move.
OP space doesn't mean not trying to talk to the person you still live with. That only creates more problems but it does mean laying off the serious conversations about "us".
I agree with Tisha, it's on you to fix you. You can hope she'll be there when you get back but you need to get your ducks in a row first.
OP you make it sound like you suck the joy out of the whole thing with your anxiety and worrying about what she's doing. It's all well and good knowing the things you need to change but you honestly don't seem to understand how much work that is and how long it will take, there may be no coming back from this.
How you handle this is to focus on you. You need to remove that anxiety with or without her. You also need to cover your arse a bit here financially in case you don't end up back moving in with her.
The whole 'miss me and relight the flame' thing is not a thing, OP. She's hardly going to miss an obsessive worrier who has been smothering her, she probably already misses the care-free guy who she started dating who was awesome enough for her to put up with the psycho part of you for about a year. You need to find that guy again and be the guy who won her heart and that's not going to happen while you sit there and think up tricks like "space" to make her miss you.
Time, patience and above all don't force this. Part of you has to accept that this could be the end, because if you can't then that's just the anxiety taking over again.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 April 2014):
 Have you sought medical help for the "anxiety issues"? Go get that help ASAP.
You've been together for a year and a half? How long have you been living together? How is the lease set up? Are you both on the lease? You'll have to deal with the legal implications of one or the other of you moving out. That's why the contract you and/or she signed is important here.
She's not missing you, this isn't a flame that needs restarting. She knows she's miserable and has decided that you are the one who needs to move out.
Reread your lease and determine how best to move out, that's what needs to happen right now.
People react differently to stress, OP, some move out and some just hunker down and hope things will resolve around them.
I expect she's hoping you move out while she hunkers down.
Go get that help for the anxiety thing. That's not healthy!
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