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I am addicted to visiting prostitutes and it is taking over my life. How can I get over this addiction?

Tagged as: Health, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 May 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 5 May 2015)
A male Nigeria age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I got used to using prostitutes about some 3 yrs ago and I'm so addicted to it. sometimes I visit brothels 3 times a week.

I just finished my higher education going back to school so I could get my degree but ever since I got addicted to it. I just think about prostitutes and its really affecting my whole life.

my work. my finances. I mean I feel so dirty weak.

Not that I cannot approach girls to talk to, but I'll find out a girl who seems to give in to me just isn't picking my calls.

Doesn't even want to do anything to do with me, let alone get laid.

I never used to be like this cos I was brought up in a Christian home but it all started one night when I was feeling so horny and let me say I was still a virgin at 21.

I visited my friend. I just thought I could relax there and may be d sex urge will go down but dis guy just took me straight to the brothel

As I see this prostitutes I get more horny.

That night was the beginning of my addiction. I ll even as sneak out to the brothel alone to screw prostitutes since then.

Am so ashamed of my secret life and I can't tell anyone.

I really want to stop for good but whenever I make up my mind I just don't know I ll find myself there again.

Please people can you help me with ur good advice.

I want to be a husband and a father one day. and I don't want to ruin my life totally to the point that it can't be repaired please help.

View related questions: christian, horny, prostitute, still a virgin

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015):

I think some of the advice here is really good. I would only add to it by saying its worth going to meet up groups etc and getting some female friends- not necessarily people who would be candidates to be girlfriends but people who you bond with as a friend. A lot of having a girlfriend is about sustaining a friendship as well as a sexual relationship. Visiting prostitutes probably leads you to divorcing friendship from sex whereas actually its when those two things are together that you can build that relationship where you become a husband and a father eventually. You need to relearn how to do that so acquiring friends of the opposite sex is a good first step.

The other thing is that this will take time. I agree you need to stop visiting prostitutes but you also need to recognise you have got a habit and habits take time to disentangle- they are like a mental reflex. You want satisfaction, this gives you satisfaction. If you find you can't reduce and eventually eliminate such visits, why not spend some of the money you currently spend on prostitutes on a good counsellor who can help you get rid of the habit.

Good luck- you are still very young and you have lots of time to deal with this and develop a healthy relationship with women.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015):

The problem you may have if you continue going is that many men will be disinterested in.

Man who uses and pays women like that , so it is true that you may have limited your potential pool of women to choose from

By visiting prostiutes. Not many women may fee that they could live up to or make you As SATIFIED as a professional sex worker either so this may be another issue

However, in order to break this cycle it will be essential that you cease going to them and start building your character to make yourself a man that a woman would want a relationship with.

Put time and effort into developing your skills and talents and less time worrying about sex

In time the right woman will come along and the two of you can work through what had happened and how you are going to create a new beginning and how she can trust and be comfortable that it's her you want not a prostitute .

I imagine if it were me I would be quite concerned that he would go back to them if our sex life were slow , say after I gave birth of if I were ill. You need go form a connection where these worries can be soothed and she can feel safe as I'm guessing most women are picking up on the vibe thag your sexuality is a bit off in terms of the prostitutes at the moment

Good luck . You will find the right woman in time, if you stop

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A female reader, deirdre Ireland +, writes (4 May 2015):

you go because they make you feel wanted and you keep going back because you feel empty afterwards. It is a vicious circle because feeling bad after a visit is making you go back so that you feel better, even if it is only for a short time. You probably dont feel confident with "normal" girls because you dont have much experience with them and maybe you are afraid or frustrated from trying to get a girlfriend.

Did you try going to a cafe or library, and seeing if you can find any nice girl to chat to there? Do many girls go to the bars and clubs where you live? The best thing you can do is get as much experience as possible talking to ordinary girls, even if most times it wont be a success in terms of finding a girlfriend. Lastly I hope you have been using condoms with these prostitutes, if not then get checked as many of them have diseases. Good luck x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015):

Please find a hobby or class where you will meet women with similar interests.

Also look online for Meet up groups.

They are great for meeting new people and socializing. You have to be focused and decide that you will have a happy healthy relationship and consistently take action to make this happen weather you feel like it or not.

In the meantime, wean yourself off the hookers. Go less and fill your time with trying to meet new people.

Use porn if you need too to satisfy the sexual cravings.

You will be able to stop going to brothels if you so decide. You can have a real relationship, you've just got to believe it.

If you don't stop using hookers, you are going to end up feeling even more dirty, empty and lonely.

Find your strength. You have it. Start working towards your furture as of now. You can be a husband and father, but you have to get serious about your 'addiction' and kick it. The hookers don't care. You will be left broke and broken if you continue. you have got too a point of concern which is good, because you would not have written in to this site. Move forward.

Let it go and i hope you fine a nice girl real soon!! Good luck.x

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (4 May 2015):

Danielepew agony auntEither you go, or don't. Your choice.

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