A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been struggling with body image issues and it's ruining my dating life as well. I have this friend/crush with whom I fooled around a couple of times. We'll be meeting up again but I'm very self conscious about my body and scared he might be turned off. Last time he said I'm not flat anymore when I was wearing a pushup. That means he found me flat when we made out before .I'm attractive, 5'7" but I have small breasts - 32B. I lost a lot of weight to achieve this body but now I feel inferior again. Is 32B considered too small? Is that what 'flat-chested' is ? I feel so low and don't know how I'll face him or any other guy for that matter. Isn't it a turn off for men? Especially when I am a beauty pageant winner and a model and suddenly this screws up with the entire image and confidence. I don't want a surgery, never. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm googling random shit trying to know if I count as small or I'm okay. Will it turn off guys I go out with in the future?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2016): I have small breasts and even though I do not find bigger and big ones ugly, I think that my breasts are perfect for me. I don't wear a bra at all (I still have one I bought 18 years ago). I sometimes forget to put on a sports-bra when I go running - that's a bummer. It never occured to me that small breasts can make me less of a woman or ugly.My husband likes my breasts and I have never had anu complaints from my bfs. They were perhaps not many, but they were all different.However, I do understand insecurities and body image issues and controlling behaviours.Your friend doesn't think he's good enough for you, so he'll make you feel somehow flawed. you may be the beauty queen but you're flat and you should be lucky that he finds you attractive, don't you dare look at that line of men that are dying to say hello to you!To illustrate. My mother is not perfect and I know she means well and I love her. When I was about 13 my aunt gave me a mini skirt (something I never had in my wardrobe). I saw that my mom was displeased, but counting on my tomboy nature she said nothing, convinced that there was no way I was going to put it on. A few months later a friend of my suggested I wore it. Whan my mom saw me she paid me a complement saying that I have strong muscular legs, like my brother.My mother used to be a gym teacher but she must have known better than to compare me to my footballer brother! (especially in a society that favours long and lean).I am forty now and to this day I have never wore a skirt above my knees more than 10 times. I wish I did something about it.To explain. My mother was affraid of me getting unwanted attention from boys/men, hence the hate towards mini-skirts and her attempt to control me.She didn't say what she said to hurt me consciously, she just articulated her fears. The difference is my mother was trying to protect me. Your friend is trying to protect himself. Some say it's typical for inexperienced people. And so is of assholes, I add. Delete his number and block his calls. Being in the beauty industry you'll have enough of problems to deal with, you don't need him to add to it.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (7 January 2016):
 The guy you are with sounds fairly callous. I suspect he complained about your breasts to make you insecure -- and you know what it worked! You gave him that power and you've made yourself miserable as a result.
You are a beauty pageant person -- not everyone can be qualified to get to that level -- and you are worried about one guy's opinion on your breasts!
I've got news for you: chances are you are incredibly beautiful and have a lot to offer. My guess also is that there is probably a line of guys wanting or willing to date you. And here you are worried about one guy's opinion.
I know women, particularly pretty ones, deal with this insecurity and it can lead to a lot of emotional (and physical) problems. It is time to accept yourself -- as you are. Your good qualities and flaws (hey we all have them).
I would encourage you to make a list of all the positive things about yourself (physical and otherwise). Write them down -- get to know yourself. I think you will be surprised as to what you will find and you'll realize that his comments pale in comparison to what you have to offer. Also don't be afraid to list things you could work on. Determine which ones you can change, which ones you can live with and how important they are to you. Really do some soul searching here.
Also for the record, not all guys care about breast size. Me, I could take them or leave them. Some guys like huge ones, some small but there isn't one perfect size that appeals to all men. So quit trying to please everyone and realize you will appeal to some, but never all.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 January 2016):
 Skip this guy. He is either careless or callous. Mentioning your bust size is hardly any if his business.
And accept that there is no such thing as a "perfect" body, or perfect person. YOU are you. Finding a way to LOVE you, for you, is where you need to go. Don't rely on a man (or another woman)to tell you if you are OK enough or not. Take a good long hard look at yourself and accept that THIS is you and that YOU love you.
You say you have lost a lot of weight, one of the places we lose weight (as women) is on the bust. However a 32B is not flat. 32 is very slender and when a person IS slender, it's not uncommon that she isn't BIG BUSTED.
Some might think that a woman who has done pageants are "used" to being commented on when it comes to her physique, but it IS a different matter when it's someone close to one self.
You CAN NOT please everyone, so start by pleasing yourself.! Specially when it comes to YOUR body. Who knows maybe he LIKES big boobs. So what? If he likes big boobs and you don't have those, you have average boobs that FIT your frame, WHO cares? HIS loss for not seeing PAST your boobs to the person you are.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 January 2016):
 Since you don't want surgery then googling what you ARE is useless.
why aggravate yourself?
Google instead "how to love myself as I am" and "how not to let small minded people upset me"
You are what you are.. embrace it. love yourself and surround yourself with folks that love you the way you are,.
My husband is not pleased with my hair or other things... but there are many men who think I'm the cat's meow and would do anything to get with me. What SOMEONE else thinks about me is irrelevant. IT's how I feel about me that matters.
and me.. I'm da bomb.
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A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (6 January 2016):
I have a friend who also did well in beauty pageants and she had the same problem. Because looks were important to her competition, any little thing made her sad.The key is to do things to better yourself, make yourself confident, that has nothing to do with your appearance. Go out and learn something completely new, read interesting books or get some new hobbies. Play sports and spend time at social clubs. Do everything to make yourself a better person that has nothing to do with your looks. Do you know what happened to my friend? She dumped the guy that made fun of her appearance, was single and happy for a while doing lots of new things, and then met her future husband at something called Hash House Harriers (A fun obstacle course club).Don't accept anyone that makes you worry about your appearance. And yes many guys love a B cup. Many perfect 10 models are B cups, No problems there. Hope this helps. good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): Go for someone who won't make such low comments about your appearance, don't lower yourself for him.
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