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I am 18 and my girl friend is 14... Is this wrong?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 April 2007) 8 Answers - (Newest, 19 February 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, *marion8807 writes:

I am 18 and my girl friend is 14... Is this wrong?

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A female reader, i_love_J United States +, writes (19 February 2009):

i_love_J agony auntHey I don't think there is any thing wrong with it unless you guys decide to have sex. I am 14 and my boyfriend is 18 and we love each other and if you two realy do love each other you will wait to take your relationship to a physical level. You two should sit down and talk about it and make sure she understands that since you two you have the age difference that you guys have to be very carefull about what you do and how you two seem in public. If someone even sees you two kiss it could turn into a huge deal.my boyfriend and I had this conversation and it will bring you guys closer together without being ''intimate''. Good luck

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntIf you have sex with her then yes it is wrong and you could be arrested for having sex with an underage girl. xxxxxx

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A female reader, penta United States +, writes (10 April 2007):

penta agony auntYes and no.

First off, don't have sex. She's too young to handle it emotionally, and you're both too young to handle it if she gets pregnant. Not to mention that you could be thrown in jail for statutory rape if someone finds out. Wait until she's at least 16, but preferably 18 (depends on the state you live in, laws are different). If you care about her at all, don't have sex for quite a while. And if you're in it for just the physical aspect, then yes, it's very wrong.

Secondly, four years difference at your age is HUGE. If you were both over 25, then four years would be no big deal. But the maturity level here for BOTH of you is very different. Maybe she's really mature for her age and you're not (sorry, no offense meant) and you can really be together. But the maturity level and the power level are drastically different so you need to be careful.

When I was 19 I dated a 29-year-old. We were fine together, but when I hung with him and his friends (or vice versa) we were out of our depths. How will you feel hanging around her friends -- a bunch of 14 year olds? How will you feel having a 14 year old around all of your friends?

You also have to ask yourself why someone so much younger is the person you're attracted to? Do a lot of soul searching before you continue. And don't touch her while you're thinking about it grin.

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A male reader, maxsteel86 United Kingdom +, writes (10 April 2007):

maxsteel86 agony auntShort answer: yes it is

When she's 16, you'll be 20. When I was 16, there was a girl dating a 21 year old. You wouldn't believe the number of times he got called peado. And that was with them both at the legal age.

The difference between that guy and you may be that he was a peado for real it turned out. But either way, everyone will think its wrong for you to do so. I have a feeling that it does bother you what other people think, otherwise you'd never have posted this question

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A female reader, vixie22495 +, writes (10 April 2007):

vixie22495 agony auntIf you realy love her and she loves you back then it isnt wrong no matter what any one says. be very carful tho because 14 year olds arnt always mature and if your having sex then she might go telling people if that got into the wrong hands you will be in trouble but it isnt wrong to love no matter what age you are

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (10 April 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntYou are playing with fire my friend. Be very very careful or you'll be in a world of hurt. If she or her parents turn on you, wheeee doggies!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007):

No as long as you don't have sex until she is at the legal age of 16.

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A female reader, rachael123 United Kingdom +, writes (10 April 2007):

rachael123 agony auntalot of poeple will have very different views on this im afraid. firstly it is illegal if you have sex with this girl even if she consents to it. you could be chrged with mandatory rape if someone reports you to the police and could even be placed on the sex offenders list. although your girlfriends parents can consent to this it is highly unlickly. ive alwayd believed there is nothing wrong with an age gap. but then again im talking about adults. this girl is still a child, she is in school!i think you should really consider this. its only a atter of time before shes asking for you to go and buy her drink and thing like that. but if you really like her and you want to be here. do the sensible thing and wait until she is 16 before you develpo your sexual relationship! hope this helps, rachael xx

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