A
female
age
41-50,
*ometdog
writes:Almost three years ago I started what I would call an emotional affair with a man that I went to school with. I was 34 at the time and I am now 37. I have two children from a previous marriage and three with my current husband. We have been married 12 years this month. Our children are now 10, 6, and 4. I had been texting and talking to this man and unhappy in my marriage for a long time. We live about two hours away from each other and nothing physical had happened. At about 2.5 years ago, my oldest daughter who was 15 (now 18) revealed something that changed everything. My husband had been verbally and emotionally abusive for a long time, but I have to admit to being a piss-poor excuse of a wife and mother. Not saying it excuses his actions, but I'm only being honest. I had become depressed and had stopped caring for the house and was not working at my business as much as I should. Anyway, my then 15 year old daughter made an allegation that my husband had gone into her room one morning and given her a backrub. She said he was wearing only his underwear. I had asked him to wake her up but didn't know what he was wearing at the time. She said that he was noticeably aroused. I was very confused. He had never had any kind of behavior like this ever before. My ex husband applied for emergency custody and took my two older children. I did not fight this. I filed for divorce and moved out.During the separation, the emotional affair became physical. My husband swore up and down that my daughter was lying about the situation, and that he only gave her a backrub and that was it. Her facebook account had a message that said she was angry at him and wanted to get revenge on him.This caused me a lot of confusion. I admit to going back and forth between my lover and husband. We have been separated since February of 2010, and during that time he was charged twice with domestic violence. He served 10 days in jail and 50 days on house arrest. I'm finally trying to push the divorce through so I can move to be with my boyfriend and because I desperately want closure. He swears that because I have sold my business (so I can move) and because I am disorganized and erratic that he will get custody of my children. He wants me to take 1000 a month less than guideline child support and agree to stay within 20 miles or he will make sure he fights me in court for years and bankrupts me. He says he will show the court how unstable I am and that the domestic violence was bogus. He is very wealthy and from an important family in our small town. I guess I wonder if I should give into him in order to skip the fight. How good are his chances. I'm not the mother of the year, but I don't have a police record. I suppose all the craziness has hurt my self esteem.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 May 2012):
 Get a good lawyer.
I can tell you that in the USA especially mothers are almost always given the children even if they are not mother of the year. I certainly was not MOY having had some issues that include psychiatric hospitalizations and yet when I asked my ex to keep our boys (he was not prize but he was the better choice for our kids at the time) we had such issues with the courts not accepting the FATHER having custody it was laughable.
Unless a mother is clearly a danger to the kids because she is either a murderer or a laying in the gutter drug addict she will probably be given custody.
It's NOT always fair (it's true that there are some fathers that deserve to have their kids I admit that) but it's the truth. So do not let him scare you.
Personally when he says these things you can look at him and laugh and say "go for it, it's the USA mothers always win"... he's playing a head game with you...
But the best advice is GET a good LAWYER NOW!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): This is something you need professional advice for OP.
It really would do us no good to speculate on such and important legal issue.
Go speak to a lawyer and don't be scared of his threats. It's quite simple OP, knowledge is power, the only thing you have to fear is not knowing what your chances are and not knowing how to fight this.
Fortunately for you as a woman you're actually the one with the power here because mothers always get preference when it comes to custody. But you first have to be willing.
You say you're not mother of the year, so are you going to finally step up and fight to rectify the situation or are you just going to bury your head in the sand of depression again? If there was ever a time to step up that time is now isn't bit?
Go seek legal advice and do it as soon as possible. If you're going to have to fight this you need to start preparing.
Good luck OP and don't be sacred of anything. The only thing you should fear is giving up again before you've even started. How will your self esteem feel then? You've lived through depression, you still feel like shit for doing nothing and letting everything fall apart around you. Well don't make the same mistake this time. No more giving up on yourself, it solves nothing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): This is something you need professional advice for OP.
It really would do us no good to speculate on such and important legal issue.
Go speak to a lawyer and don't be scared of his threats. It's quite simple OP, knowledge is power, the only thing you have to fear is not knowing what your chances are and not knowing how to fight this.
Fortunately for you as a woman you're actually the one with the power here because mothers always get preference when it comes to custody. But you first have to be willing.
You say you're not mother of the year, so are you going to finally step up and fight to rectify the situation or are you just going to bury your head in the sand of depression again? If there was ever a time to step up that time is now isn't bit?
Go seek legal advice and do it as soon as possible. If you're going to have to fight this you need to start preparing.
Good luck OP and don't be sacred of anything. The only thing you should fear is giving up again before you've even started. How will your self esteem feel then? You've lived through depression, you still feel like shit for doing nothing and letting everything fall apart around you. Well don't make the same mistake this time. No more giving up on yourself, it solves nothing.
...............................
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