A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was interested in guy who worked the same company as mine..We worked in completely unrelated departments( very minimal work related contact).However, we would to run into each other ,walking in and out in the conference rooms,hall ways,staff rooms and elevators. H'd makes it a point to to smile,ask if how i’m doing.If he is not in rush to go back to work,we would end up chatting about basic staff ,ie if any of us had gone to gym lately since we both work out. one day,i decided to signal my intrested.The next time i saw him,i gave him a note with my number written on it and told me to text me sometime.He smiled and said'sure".The following day when i ran into him, he said”not only did I lost your number ,I broke my phone”.There was an awkward silence then he said,”I didn’t do it on purpose, I went to soccer last night”Then he expressed his disappointment about losing his phone but he didn’t ask for my number again. I knew this was a polite brush off so I didn’t press the issue.I later found out thorugh facebook that he has girlfriend so i just accepted it and moved on.He subsequently got offered another day job at different company so he started working evening shifts instead.We didn't see each other around anymore since we started working opposite shifts.I no longer work for the same company for unrelated reasons.Months later,I was super bored and lonely,my real love life is shitty...I didn't have much going on for me.so i decided to massage him on face book using fake profile just to say hi.I opened this profile back in 2010 just for my games, I loved Farmville and enjoyed a lot of other FB games after that. A fake FB account gave me the privacy I need for my personal life and all the anonymity I needed for adding unknown people as clan mates or neighbors, a requirement of most games.(so it wasn't meant to catfish)Basically,I just wanted to chat out of boredoom,nothing more.He responded positively and we started exchanging messages ,basically about our interest,hobbies etc.Just getting to know each other basically...and he told me that he just bought a house and he is moving in with his gf and 3 cats.Our contact was sporadic at first.We would exchange messages about twice a week and in some cases,once a week.It turned out he is attracted to the girl in the pics since she's very pretty.Nedlessly to say,things progressed further than i thought they would.Now we are chatting daily...throughout the day,from the moment we wake up to bed time.He tells me how pretty i am and the coversation has drifted to sex .We have now engage in cyber sex and exchange half naked pics.. Yesterday,he asked me if I'm real.I panicked and said yes,i am and asked why he was asking.He said because he really likes me and love chatting with him so he doesn't want to find that i am fake.Then he was like,I'm gorgeous ,awesome,sexy ,fun to talk to and down to earth so he thought i might be too good to be true.I assured him that i'm real and he believed me.I know this was wrong of me but i've grown attached to him as well and love talking to him.Even though my pictures are fake,the attention is real-- brain doesn't really care.I feel that ‘hit’ of adrenaline when I get a flirty message from him.It's like living in a fantasy world Last night he tells me that his parents are going away for winter so we will spend sometime together at his cottage when they are gone.Now i realize that things have gone too far..this wasn't my intention at all .Now the guilt has started to consume me since he asked me if i'm real and admitted that he's starting to fall for me. I didn't expect it to go this far.I know he is going to be upset but i feel like i should fess up and come clean?This won't be easy for me since I've fallen for him as well.I'm not comfortable revealing my real identity but i'm starting to feel badly about this...Should I tell him who I am?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2016): Let me tell you a story. A girl saw this cute guy on dating site, she couldnt bring herself to messge him because he was so cute! He was so handsome, she was shy inside and didnt feel ready. So guess what? She catfished him instead. She made a new profile and knew exactly what she was doing was wrong but she did it anyways. He got hooked, they chatted for months, he was always so frustrated that she didnt want to meet or made excuses to not meet, but she kept flirting, he was so getting impatient. He tells her he wants more, he is falling in love. She backed out, she was scared.She did the worst thing EVER. She confessed, he was shocked. They met up, he was confused. They had sex, it was awful. She felt used. He felt cheated on but was so frustrated by all that teasing, he asked to FWB only. He started talking to other girls, he thinks if shes like this, she must be this way with other men. She is so hurt, she became depress. She realize how hurt he was, his eyes were angry every time. She realized that she shouldnt have catfished anyone. She should have stayed herself. She should have realised who she REALLY was was enough. That she was just beautiful exactly the way she is. The relationship went on for a while, then he left. She kept focusing on herself and realize she will never do that any person again, she vowed. So she stopped. She looked in mirror and realize, she will always be honest now. It was more rewarding in life ---to have integrity. And move on.That girl was me. I have learned so much but ^^^ing with people is no longer something anyone can do and feel okay with . STOP it! DO NOT CONFESS! Look yourself in the mirror and move on. How can you do this to the GF that he goes home to everyday? What you feel is a crush. Get over it. You're not 15. There are consequences to our actions. Let this be a lesson. Delete your profile and move on. I remember those eyes that guy gave me. It was so torn and angry, but inside he was just completely heartbroken. We chatted for months, he shared his entire soul with me...and he thought i was someone else. For men, looks is a lot. BUT if he emptied who he is to you, he deserves honesty. STOP the game playing. You've done enough. I cant even tell you how heartbroken I was as well. I wish I could go back and tell myself the game you are playing, is going to be played on you someday.You have a choice. Good luck
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (12 December 2016):
 Thing is, sadly, you *are* the person who didn't get the hint. Whether you intended for this to happen or not, you still catfished him by talking normally with the fake profile *and* you allowed it to go where it did - you could have stopped it at any time and you didn't. You chose to be selfish and deceiving, rather than honest and respectful of the fact he has a girlfriend.Delete it without a word. Normally, I'd say someone deserves an explanation, but he's cheating, so he's hardly a decent person that should be given a reason for the disappearance.Who's photos have you used and did you get permission? If not, imagine that person found out or he searched for their photos and found them - you've dragged a third person into it by using their pictures.Forget dating for 6 months or so and really think about how to improve your life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (12 December 2016):
 Ah, crap...
EDIT: EDIT:
I wrote:
You can PLAY games with people like that.
----------------------------------------------
SHOULD HAVE BEEN:
You can't PLAY games with people like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2016): Not sure what you were trying to accomplish here.You are a very lonely young woman who needs to find other interests, aspirations and activities to keep her busy in life. Things that will help you grow and mature as a person. Engaging in this kind of activity is dangerous, damaging and destructive. It will not ever bring you happiness. It is just a fantasy. One that will and does self destruct. Many "attached" guys would be open to cyber sex and online flirtations with strange women. In their minds, it is harmless and just a fantasy to boost the ego and spice up their mundane lives. That is where it ends. I can guarantee you he is not, was not and never will be falling for you or the woman who thinks you are. If he says anything to that effect, it is only a ploy to meet up with you in person and take the cyber sex to a whole new level. Many (not all) guys who do this are looking to seal the deal after this mating dance goes on for a little while. Just a little harmless fun on the side. And then you are over, done with. Until they find the next fantasy girl. They are not looking to replace their girlfriends or wives. They think it is harmless but it IS cheating and stepping over boundaries. You helped him to facilitate this nasty web of deceit. Don't think you are special. Most men would not turn down an easy woman or a woman who offers up sex talk or sex. That is the way you get their attention most of the time. A good guy would never have responded to you in the first place. He would have ignored your message. Even if there was some friendly conversation, he would have ended it the moment he was sure of your intentions, which were likely clear right from the start.It was just a game for him. But to you, it is not. You are hoping you found a way into his heart. NOT TRUE. This has not happened. Will not happen. You are very delusional. If he found out it was you, he would brush you right off. And you would feel like a piece of shit. You should feel like that anyway engaging with man who is committed to another woman. Why? Because you have no self esteem and nothing else going on in your life to fulfill you and make you happy? You needed the thrill? Well, imagine yourself in his girlfriend's shoes? How would you like it if he was chatting online with strange women and having cybersex behind your back? Would that hurt? And even if you did land a guy like him, which won't happen, but if you did... do you really always want to be the online police always checking what he is up to on his phone or computer? Because you would be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life with a cheating scumbag like this. They don't change. I hope his girlfriend finds out about his cheating ways and kicks him out. It is very hurtful behaviour to be going on behind her back. As for you, cease and desist. You do not even owe him an explanation. Nothing. Just deactivate that account and never talk to him again. Period. I think that you should chalk this one up to a mistake you have made and learn from it.Now concentrate on improving yourself. Talk to a good counsellor. You need one. And start making changes in your life. Focus on things you want to accomplish, love to do and on your future. It is right ahead of you. Get your head straight on your shoulders and out of the clouds. Trust me, these kinds of situations only end in heartbreak. Mostly for women.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 December 2016):
I think the BEST thing you can do is BLOCK & UNFRIEND him and either delete that FAKE account or STOP using it.
You may think it was all fun and games, but PUT yourself in the GF's shoes... HOW would you feel if YOU were the GF and your BF did this BEHIND your back? With someone "fake" or real - doesn't matter.
You can PLAY games with people like that. They are not fantasy fodder for you. Let's say he took this FAKE persona seriously, DUMPED his GF for "fake you" - and THEN found out that you catfished him?
It's selfish as heck.
Use some common sense, girl.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (12 December 2016):
 Do NOT 'come clean' with him. Just delete your profile and leave it at that.
He's not owed an explanation. Life happens and he has a girlfriend anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2016): Have you seen the show 'Catfish'? The person getting catfished never likes the catfisher especially if it is someone they know. Just block him and DO NOT contact him again. Ever.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (11 December 2016):
Hi sweetie .. you have really flung yourself overboard with no life jacket here . You have also become so addicted to him you can't see the woods for the trees.
Message him and say that you can't meet with him that in hindsight this is too far .he has a relationship and is committed and your now seeing someone . You thought it was just flirting etc . But though you like him you will not take this step .
If he finds out its you .he's made it plain you don't fit in reality for him .. you need to stop banging on this door ..I'm kinda shocked sweetie . He isn't going to want you .. you do know that ? He will go of his nut and tell everyone and you will find yourself the butt of everyones jokes plus nasty comments at your work or even worse .
I think you believe that this connection will be enough but he doesn't see you . He see that girl you posted when he speaks to you . Your fantasy is you will tell him and he'll say it's okay .. I've fallen for you .. He hasn't . He wants the pic ..oo sweetie you need to end this .
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 December 2016):
 This wasn't an accident, you knew exactly what you were doing.
This man has already rejected you so why would you continue pursuing him? That's very odd behaviour.
He sounds like an asshole anyways in regards to openly being willing to cheat on his girlfriend.
You NEED to delete this fake persona and get back on with your actual life.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (11 December 2016):
Hi sweetie .. you have really flung yourself overboard with no life jacket here . You have also become so addicted to him you can't see the woods for the trees.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was not comfortable using my real identify because he already brushed me off in person so I didn't want to look like a person who doesn't get the hint.I just didn't want to use my real identity .I honestly thought nothing was going to come out if it given he's already in a relationship. I didn't do it with the intent to seduce him,just wanted to chat out of boredom that nightAt that time,it didn't matter to me that my profile is fake because my intentions were to just chat online to alleviate my boredom. The way I see it, anything that is strictly online isn't real, unless I was online dating looking for potential partner ,then in that case I would use my real identity. After a while I forget that I'm not the person on the pics and was enjoying chatting with him.To me I was just having fun and didn't think he would want to take it offline given he is already taken.The reality set in when he started talking about meeting up in person.That's when I realized that things had gone too farOur conversation were pretty platonic in the beginning. I thought things were just going to end there so the fact that my profile wasn't real didn't matter at that time.Then he kept messaging me and things got out of hand.Now I fell for him all over againUnfortunately he ended up being attracted to the girl in pics but that wasn't in my mind when I initially messaging,I never intended it for it to go this far.I was not doing it to just mess with him,i really enjoyed chatting with him .I do care so ending this will effect me as well.So should I just delete the profile without saying a word?Or should I tell him i'm not the girl in the pics without divulging my real identity?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 December 2016):
I think you are both behaving appallingly.
You KNEW he had a GF and that he was moving in with her, but that didn't STOP you from engaging in dirty talk.
HE KNEW he has a GF and yet this "seemingly" complete stranger on FB he is willing to pursue and have dirty talks with.
He isn't falling for YOU - he is FALLING for the fake persona you have made. I honestly think he would me mortified if he found out it was you. After all, he turned you down IN PERSON. So it WASN'T/ISN'T you, he is interested in.
And How DO you think he would react when he finds out that you were playing mindfuck games with him? If you had JUST wanted to say hi, you could have done it from your own account. You CHOSE to use another account, one with a fake profile and fake pictures.
And let's not (in all this ridiculous selfish mess) forget the GF. HOW the &^%$* do you think she would feel when she finds out? That some girl WHO KNEW he has a GF (her) had NO PROBLEM having cyber sex with her BF?
This guy is a PIECE of shit. He sucks ass as a BF.
Should you tell him that it's you? What do you REALLY think will happen if you do? You think the two of you will ride off into the sunset? That he will be able to TRUST you at all? That YOU will be able to trust him? (think about it, LOOK at how he is treating his GF with UTTER DISRESPECT behind her back). IS that REALLY a guy you would want to be with?
ANYONE can be "sexy" and lovey-dovey online with people they THINK they don't really know - you two are PRIME examples of that. But how would reality be? NOT how great as your imagination makes it out to be.
Sorry, OP for wagging a finger at you, but shame on you. and double shame on him.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (11 December 2016):
You deliberately catfishes him. If you just wanted to talk, you'd have used your own account.
He's taken and, even if he wasn't, he's cheated on his girlfriend with you - not a good guy to be with.
Stop being naive, OP. He blew you off in person, so he only wants to cyber sex with you because he doesn't know it's you. Telling him won't do anything but make you look desperate. Delete the account or block him permanently and don't talk to him again.
Find someone who actually wants you.
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