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I accidentally had sex with a 14 year old girl

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 August 2007) 16 Answers - (Newest, 24 August 2007)
A male United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

ok I have a (hypothetical) question.

I am a male in my mid 30's. My wife my 2 daughters (3 and 7) and my niece (15) and her friend (14) went on a road trip to Florida. We stopped halfway there and got a hotel room, my wife and I in one room the girls in the other. My 3 year old wanted mom to get her to sleep so she did she fell asleep herself. A few hours later when I was sleeping I felt her come to bed so I nuzzled up to her and she back at me. Anyway we had sex without a condom as we usually do. Now when I woke up the next morning at 6am I looked and it was not my wife in bed it was the 14yo. I did not know it was her as my wife and my niece and her friend are all about the same size. Does this make me a bad person? Am I a pedophile? Should I tell anyone? Can I get in trouble for this? I dont want her to be pregnant but what happened she very well could have gotten pregnant. Is there a way to stop it if she did other than abortion.

Please please please answer with honesty!

View related questions: abortion, be pregnant, condom

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007):

I don't think you can live with this because of the risks all round - its time to tell all concerned and face whatever the consequences are. The truth always comes out in the end.

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A female reader, Love_is_all_youu_need United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2007):

Love_is_all_youu_need agony auntThe situation is unrealistic enough, but what you're asking is completely ridiculous...COURSE YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE AND SHOULD BE ASHAMED! I think you're trying to make out that you're the victim here, i'm assuming that there's more to it! If you were innocent as you say...you wouldn't even question whether you're a pedophile...so that is a bit of a give-away! You cannot 'accidently' have sex with a girl of that age, thinking it is your wife!! And...answering another of your pathetic questions - YES, YOU CAN GET IN TROUBLE FOR THIS!

Sorry for sounding so harsh, but it's your own mess! And you'll struggle getting out of this dilemma, brace yourself for the consequences this is going to lead to.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2007):

TELLULAH agony auntIt beggars belief that you actually got this question on this site.

And by the way, I dont believe you either. There is no way that you wouldnt have know.

Its just sick!!!!!

Your family were in the next room, and never knew. You either have a very over active imagination. or yes you are a pedophile.

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2007):

AskEve agony auntYou didn't know it WASN'T your wife? I don't buy that for one second!

1. She'd smell different

2. Her technique would be different

3. She would be tighter/slacker down below

4. She'd kiss differently

5. She'd be vocally different

Come onnnnn, admit it, of course you knew, unless you were either high on drugs, steaming drunk on alcohol or from planet Mars. I can't believe you are actually that dense! lol (Sorry, but that's how it's coming across.) I just hope your curious encounter doesn't all blow up in your face, if it does, you only have yourself to blame!

Eve

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A female reader, JustAGirl.x United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2007):

JustAGirl.x agony auntHow could you not know the difference between your wife and some 14 year old girl :| Sorry you MUST have known..

Did you have your eyes shut while having sex...?

:|

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007):

are you serious? im taking it that you HAVE had sex with your wife before as you have two daughters together, did you not notice that sex was different that she sounded and felt different? You do have eyes you know all you had to do was open them! Im sorry unless theres more detail which you haven't gone into i really have my doubts about believing your story - however im giving you the benefit of the boubt and im going to advise you as if you were telling the truth! - 1)are you sure it wasn't your wife you slept with before her and this 14yr old traded places? 2)does your wife know that this girl slept in your bed/room if so has she said anything to you? 3)did the young girl mention or act differently the following day that suggested that she may fancy you or was intimidated by you? 4)Where was your wife!?!? 5)how long ago did this incident happen, days/weeks etc etc? Have you seen this girl again? 6)why was she in your bed, how did she get in without a door key!?

I agree with some of the advise below - i think you need to speak to a professional as they will be able to give you more advise and it may help your defence if this were to ever come out!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007):

I'm a 100% sure you'd be able to tell if it was your wife. Her & the 14 year old would feel different [everywhere], smell different and seeing as the 14 year old is probably very inexperienced you'd recognise your wifes techniques.

I'm very sorry but it is very hard to believe you didn't know. If someone else tried to have sex with me and it wasn't my boyfriend I'd definately know because they wouldn't know how I like foreplay etc etc and touching them would feel different because they don't have the same features!.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007):

Seems you do not know your wife pretty well (in bed). Or do you keep changing your sex partners?

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2007):

hlskitten agony auntIm not buying this didnt know malarky, sorry. But then im in my 30's too & us 30 yr olds know deep down people arent that silly dont we.

You will just have to keep your fingers crossed she doesnt blab, but i think thats unlikely. shes 14. at best your wife will find out. But if it was my hubby that took advantage of a 14 yr old i would turn him in, especially if i had daughters. Then i would be having a subtle chat with my daughters in case they needed to say something. I would be wondering when you had been left on your own with them.

Good luck. I think your gonna need it.

C xxxxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007):

I would still like to know where your wife slept!

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A male reader, DJ8433 United States +, writes (24 August 2007):

DJ8433 agony auntGet ready, you rolled the dice, now here's what could happen... 1. She tells someone (or she's pregnant) and the cops show up at your door, wife maybe stays with you. 2. You tell someone, say your wife, and the cops maybe show up at your door, wife maybe stays with you. 3. Your wife finds out and divorces you. Cops maybe show up at your door. 4. Your wife finds out stays with you, no one says anything, she's not knocked up and you're safe. Except your wife will never respect you again. 5. No one says anything, no one is pregnant, you live in fear for the rest of your life or until the statute of limitations is up, if there is one. You are going to be under a lot of stress. I suggest you see a professional psychologist right away. If you are found out, the fact that you sought professional help may help you in the eyes of the law as far as sentencing. Make sure that you have doctor patient privilege before you start spilling the beans. Decide in your heart of hearts if you really wanted this to happen or if you really think it was an honest mistake. Everyone is capable of doing bad things, but it's not an excuse for acting out. If you don't end up paying the consequences legally or with the destruction of your family, you will pay the consequences in your conscience. Prayer and asking forgiveness might help here too. You know your choices.

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A male reader, UnknownEntity United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2007):

UnknownEntity agony aunthmmm thats a tough cookie to crumble...

either way u did have sex with her, n it seems soo wierd that she would just have sex with you, unless it was ur wife but the 14 yr old came to bed in the morning?

unless u know it was her...

prob both urs and the girls fault for doing it...

if u really didnt know, her fault...

but if u cant tell the difference from a teenagers vagina from a mature womans (whose had 2 kids)u must have been too tired to realized or u would have just screwed anything...

-UnknownEntity

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007):

you are not a freak u just didn't know but you should tottaly teel your wife or someone okay xoxo

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007):

It is an interesting hyperthetical that a husband can't tell the difference between his wife and a 14 year old girl when having intercourse. Specially when he is 30 and his wife has had a couple of kids! I think you know more about what you are than we all will. Where did the wife sleep?

If there was concern that she may be pregnant then, yes some conversation is required. Thank goodness it is only a hyperthetical or all hell is probably about to break loose, cause 14 year olds talk and talk and talk!

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A female reader, Tbabygirl101327 United States +, writes (24 August 2007):

well 1st off ! u are a pedophile? how in gods name can u have wanted to have sex and turned over and not saw that this wasnt you r wife? and 2nd. no matter what u have to had known who r u fooling here not me? thats sick and a disgrace. and that 14 yrs. old shouldnt be having sex anyways.. you are nasty.....

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A male reader, somewhat_anonymous United States +, writes (24 August 2007):

Um...if you TRULY didn't know you are no pedophile, but will probably be able to get into trouble. Think about what could happen if she gets pregnant.

So this happened and she said nothing? Why did she come to your bed anyway?

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