A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my fiance for 6 years and last year he proposed to me. Our relationship has its ups and downs. Ive known his positive and negative traits more than anyone he knows. Probably more than his family do. He is quite loving and caring partner. My friend says he is kind of "big gestures", that he shows his loves and affection by his action. Not by words. When we meet in person he is always loving and caring as every girl would want in a man.My question is. I have some doubts to marry him because i have some trust issues regarding what hed done in the past. Sometimes im afraid he would do something that im never think of or what he did behind me. Im afraid that he will do something wrong without me knowing. He is a stubborn people to talk and discuss anything about. He always think that hes right and only regret it in the end. I think he has some bpd or narcisstic synthom. But in the same time i also know that i will be happy to build a family with him as he will always be there for me and take his responsibility. He told me that whatever happen to us we must remember our commitment to stay together and dont give up to it. Theres also another thing that i consider. I worry about our different lifestyle. In some way we are incompatible which i know theres no couple would be compatible exactly as they wish. I mean we have different view in how to organise money, time, and some other little things. Our family are supportive about our relationship especially from his side. They love me and support me whenever i have conflict with him. Should i marry him with this situation?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 March 2016):
 Is this the same unemployed gambler fiance' who just gambled away his parents' money, and had asked to borrow from you to cover up that loss ?! ... ( How did that end up, btw ). Obviously not, then. Not because people is not allowed one mistake in their life, but because this was the last of a series of occasions in which, as you said yourself, he broke your trust and proved himself unreliable from many points of view. It seems this guy is the type who never learns from his mistakes, he only turns to make the same mistake under a different shape .
Regardless, in general , no, if you have doubts you should not get married. Marriage is not mandatory ;and it is a serious thing, which you should only enter in when you are totally convinced , based on your knowledge and experience so far, not only that it is your fondest desire but also a sustainable idea from a rational point of view.
And even so, with the utmost enthusiasm and the best intentions,... some times things happen, you grow apart, feelings change etc. But imagine if you already started with having doubts !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2016): My dear, I'm sorry you have doubts about your relationship with your fiancé. It's all up to you to decide if you want to follow through with marrying him or not marrying him, however from all what you mentioned in your post, there are many red flags. Trust is a major thing in a marriage, if it is lacking, it's not easy to build after marriage. You say you don't trust him, you say he is selfish and you say he is irrational. He wants to be right all the time but then has regrets his dicisons! Marriage is complicated to begin with and the best relationships ever can drastically change with time from good to bad, so if you get into a marriage with lots of reservations, I doubt this marriage will work or last. Listen to your guts. Write down a list of pros and cons and take it from there. Don't hesitate to consider a breakup with him before it's too late and you end up divorced with kids. Good luck and all the best.
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