A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has decided to return to Pakistan, I know he does miss his country. He knows I do not really want to go there as I am not a family person and he has a large family.He has basically told me that if I do not go with him then he will get married to someone else. I said OK then you do that, and then he will say he is just joking so I don't know what to believe as he even mentioned the girls name etc, but really I feel destroyed by what he has said and I really do want to be with him but I know I can't cope with all this family stuff and being in a different country.I feel so upset and confused right now. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2016): I Think you do not trust your husband. If that is the case:DO NOT GO.This is serious. More serious than him threatening to take a second wife. Btw, I would not take it as a joke.Once there, as some other posters have pointed out, being a co-bride could be the least of your worries. Just as he should respect the rules of the society and the country he moved to, the same should apply to you once in Pakistan, even if there are some customs and laws you do not agree with.I think those cultural differences can be referred to in French as "errances des civilisations".I know that you are upset, but I can't see anywhere in your post that you mention how much you two love and care for each other otherwise. Maybe you need some time to rethink everything?
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (31 December 2015):
 I would most definitely not go either, OP. As Cindy points out there is nothing to stop him from taking another wife there anyway. He'd have the support of family while you'd have to rely solely on his good will. He'd have you over a barrel.
Do your grieving here, then consider your future. I suspect without him in it, it will be a bright one, even if you don't feel that way yourself right now.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 December 2015):
 I would not go if I were you.
Once he is back in Pakistan he can, very easily and very legally, take a second wife anyway ; and you could end up being a co-bride AND living in Pakistan where you did not want to live to begin with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2015): I wouldn't worry about his trip ..sometimes its best to just stand out on these things and I agree that there is nothing worse than being a guest for any length of time in a family situation .In fact it can be totally draining.I'm sure he is joking about divorce and remarriage.It certainly doesn't sound too serious, so I would let him go alone and occupy yourself peacefully at home, making sure to book a holiday for you both in some neutral country where you can both be tourists and have the romantic time of your life!
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A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (31 December 2015):
 Well, if tables were turned and my woman was blackmailing me with threats of divorce over a trip, I don't think I'd be married for too long. The point that is so amazing in your case is how the threat of divorce is used over something as trivial as not wanting to travel. If there is a disproportionate reaction than yours is it and in my view it shows how little of value you are to him and how insignificant your marriage to him is.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2015): If it was just to go and see his family, then I think you should have sacrificed and gone with him, but frankly considering what he has said, I don't think he is serious about you and I think you should ready yourself to be without him.
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