A
female
age
36-40,
*rmnbell1970
writes:My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have 4 kids together which two of them where born severly mentally handicapped. My husband has a very high sexdrive if it would be up to him we would have sex a few times a day. I have a very low to none exsisting sexdrive. Now my husband asked me to do the swinger thing to spice up our sexlife. I'm really torn apart, dont know what to do. Yes I wanna spice up my sexlife, but to me swinging is just like cheating on your partner and god forbid all the deceases you can catch. I'm a very faithfull person, and couldnt stand seeing my husband being intimate with somebody else. In a way I wanna do it just for him to make him happy, but then also I dont wanna loose my dignity, because I did something I cant forgive myself for. My husband keeps saying, we gonna go ahead and try it once and if one of us doesnt like we wont do it again. To me it sounds like he suggested it so it is ok to cheat, cause it was a mutual thing. Please I need some advice!!!!!!!!!!!!
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sex drive, swinging Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, penelopepitstop  + ♥, writes (5 October 2009):
 basically he wants to have sex with another woman and not cheat on you, all fine but if your not interested in this, then he needs to back off and leave this as a fantasy..if you do this to please him then you will regret it big time, swingers need to be completly happy with each other having sex with another and you def wont be..dont do it..my advice
A
female
reader, grmnbell1970 +, writes (4 October 2009):
grmnbell1970 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I wanted to thank all of ya'll for your answers.It made my decision easier. I wont do the swinger thing, I think it is disgraceful disrespectful to the other partner, I still have strong morals and values and wanna keep my dignity. So if he feels like going out to have sex with other people then we need to call it quits. Thank you again for all of your help. God bless ya.
Greetings from germany
Elke
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): Please don't do what your husband wants you do ( go swinging ). Keep your self-respect and dignity for yourself and kids. I'm married and once in awhile I've this fantacy about watching my wife with another man. But deep down, I know it's wrong,and disgraceful. It may also destroy our marriage. I love my wife so much that I would not allow shame to befall on her and our marriage.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (4 October 2009):
Everyone here has offered the same advice and I agree. He's pressing you to swing, and this is a receipe for DISASTER. RIght now he's turned on to some wild fantasy that's playing in his head, and the reality is very likely WAY WAY different. I've played enough in this sandbox to know... Swinging can be great if a couple is 100% on the same page and 100% open and honest with each other and ZERO pressure. The RELATIONSHIP comes first - right now, you don't have that.
Even if he pouts, stomps his feet and threatens to leave, you need to maintain your dignity. Follow your gut on this!
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A
male
reader, Confuzzled012 +, writes (4 October 2009):
 It's not worth the insecurities and paranoia you will feel afterward. THe image will haunt you. If you don't feel comfortable tell him "no." If you think it's cheating then make it very clear to him that it's unacceptable so he doesn't do it without you thinking it's fine. There are other ways to spice things up that don't involve other couples.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (3 October 2009):
 Tell him you aren't happy with it, period. You don't want to try it. You don't want to do it. And you don't want him to do it.
Rather than swinging, why don't you look at ways of improving the sex life between the two of you? After all, there was a point in his life where your husband said he was happy only to have sex with you for the rest of his life ...
I feel v sorry for you, but I think giving in to him on this would mean you had to go through a horrendous experience that will scar you forever. Say no to him, but say you are open to ways of making his sex life satisfying enough at home.
I am not the one to ask, as I too would be happy to have sex 3 times a day, in a perfect relationship, but could it be that other things are making you not feel like having sex? I think you need to look into this.
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (3 October 2009):
 High sex drive my ass, he is obviously doing a number on your head and you are sort of blaming this on the difference in your desire for sex.
He just wants to do something seedy and tabu and feel a sense of mastery over something or someone. Don't let it be you. You don't have to do this to make anyone happy. You know it is wrong, it is wrong for you and it is wrong for your marriage.
Instead of cheating on your partner with permission, turn towards each other and try to figure out how to make your relationship closer and more sexually satisfying for both of you. Perhaps your husband is not a creative lover and is selfish in bed and that is why you are not rocking his world every night or twice a night.
Figure it out, but this is not the answer. Seek some counseling if you think that would help.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (3 October 2009):
 Swinging isn't cheating to be honest. Cheating implies someone has deceived their partner and people who are open to swinging with their partners in toe are not deceiving them. Cheating implies the trust, by lieing about being with only them, has been broken where as swingers just have a different foundations for their trust. Being faithful can take different meanings to different people. To some it means to only be with that partner sexually where others may see it as being true to them by not lieing and staying with them.However swinging is not for everyone and its very clear that you have major issues with your husband ever being intimate with another woman. This is perfectly fine and you have to tell your husband that you are not in mutal agreement with this and you are not comfortable. If he goes through with this you have to make it clear you do not approve and you will see this as him being more concerned about his pleasure than your feelings. There are other ways to spice up a sex life. Try exploring those avenues before you contimplate swinging.HonningKanin
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A
female
reader, cgrlygo + ♥, writes (3 October 2009):
 you should never do anything you are not happy with ever. he wants to cheat and say its something else. My bf suggested things like that... i said sure but after that... we are no longer a couple. I get to screw who i want when i want and you are from then on a you know what buddy.
I said that because I don't want to do that and like your husband he has a high sex drive and i am medium. Still, I don't want it and wont do it for more than one reason
I don't like the idea of him being intimate with someone else.. and to me its cheating... so why be in a committed relationship at all? If he wants other women that badly then go do it. but don't compromise who you are. you deserve better than that.
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A
male
reader, charlie p +, writes (3 October 2009):
Absolutely, dont swing. remember, no matter how excited he gets, you do have the authority to put your foot down, and if you want to do so then you must! swinging is a specialist(to put it politely) activity, and if its not your thing then you will see it as your husband sleeping with other women and that may well wreck the marriage, at the expense of the kids.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (3 October 2009):
If you are not happy, you mustn't do this at all. It will destroy your marriage. Don't do it. You know you don't want to, so don't know. Instead, try to get to know your body. you might find that you have a lower libido because your husband doesn't take time on you. But don't go swinging. You'll get hurt.
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