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Husband will not defend me against his mom!

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 October 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 6 November 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *uscle and Sinew writes:

I don't understand what it's going to take for my husband to defend me when it comes to his mom. I had taken anti depressants because of her. And because I took anti depressants I had a miscarriage not knowing I was pregnant. I cry all the time. He has not put a stop to her behavior. Especially since she has been telling my parents things. I don't know what to do or say. I just feel lost and empty.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010):

It's funny because my MIL is very similar, or so is the nature of our relationship. We are now in counseling, and my husband is going to have to take steps to figure this one out.

This is a common thing for mother in laws and daughter in laws. Just like children, MIL's are going to test the boundaries and the barriers until they are enforced by their sons, your husband.

Regardless of what she says and does, if he decided to marry you, then he needs to understand that anything that is not acceptable to you should not be tolerated. If he does not agree that there even is a problem and he refuses to address it, you should try counseling.

If that does not work, then you need to take care of yourself and start living your own life separate from your husband. My husband's ex fiancee ended up committing suicide because of the same exact thing. I'm not going to let it drive me to this, and you should not either. Technically, it is a form of mental and emotional abuse.

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A female reader, Muscle and Sinew United States +, writes (23 October 2010):

Muscle and Sinew is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Muscle and Sinew agony auntSinclair,

Wives alway come first. Doesn't matter if that's his mom. I have been degraded. I understand everyone goes thru this, but she isn't normal. What normal human being would tell u that it's ur fault that u lost ur baby. Or say that my son needs to leave u because I'm a burden because I have tuners in my breast and I have epilepsy. There is a huge difference btw having a gf and being in a marriage. So u speak of something u dnt know about.

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A male reader, Sincair United Kingdom +, writes (22 October 2010):

He never will she's his motherand you can not replace her and you should not be trying. This is a common situation and is normal for both male and females. My GF adores her mother and I have to admit she is quite cool. However if it came to a me or her choice I would loose becouse it's her bloody mother. Live with it or loose him and stop crying over it or he will go anyway.

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A female reader, Muscle and Sinew United States +, writes (22 October 2010):

Muscle and Sinew is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Muscle and Sinew agony auntShe has said a lot of mean things in front of my husband and he doesn't say anything to her. She has called me a f in *itch because my husband would spend a lot of time with my family. She has said I had small tits in front of her ex husband and my husbands step siblings. She has said *uck your kids I dnt need them. Her ex husband was drunk one night and was touching my back and face and my husband said nothing to him. And she even told me in front of my husband that it is my fault that I had a miscarriage, that I needed to get over all this shit. And my husband said nothing. Then she started telling my parents things, and might have told them about my miscarriage. And I didn't tell them because they took it hard when my sister had two miscarriages. Yesterday I broke out in a fever because I've been so stressed with her. There is a lot more things she has done to me, but that's a summary. She has degraded me and my self esteem is almost non existence. I feel so small. I feel like I am nothing. Especially when my husband doesn't say anything. He sees me cry. And doesn't have that urge to tell her anything. He said we had to move because of me, because he knew I couldn't stand her. She is very overwhelming. I can't be in a marriage like this. But I love him. He is good to me. Yet there is all of this.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (22 October 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntYeah what exactly has she been doing?

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (22 October 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntPut a stop to what behavior? What exactly does she do that you think your husband should defend you against?

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