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Husband who blames wife for anything & everything

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 March 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 25 October 2009)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hi,

I have been married for 27 years. I have always been faithful and a good wife. For over 20 years, we worked for my Dad and were to inherit the business, but after Mom died- My Dad married a much younger quote golddigger who made sure that did not happen and ran his business to the ground- yes - My Dad is blind to love. Anyways, My husband blames me for this because he moved here from Wyoming to my NC hometown. In 2003, I had a serious injury so I have had to go to many Doctors, not that I choose it that way and on lots of medications-unfortunately. No matter how hard I try, My Husband is constantly blaming me for anything and everything in his life- I am a fighter- upbeat and positive - even though I am in pain 24/7 and I do not whine to him at all.. I have tried everything I know to keep the peace in this home. But, nothing works- he is into porn heavily- and always has been- he has not made love to me in many years- but I have been patient- Recently- There is only so much I can take. Today was his birthday- I went out of the way to make sure it was His Day- and what ends up happening- Blame, about the business, blame about my family, blame about my life, anything- blame blame blame- I do not understand his behavior and never have- however, I stay with him because he can be a good person when he wants to be. He hates his job- he just seems to hate everything in life- andnothing I do seems to help- Should I leave - or stick with him -he refuses counseling- reckon it's a man's pride thang. I am so upset- I cant even think straight tonight- tomorrow he won't remember any of this- yes he drinks a lot too- and no he does not hit me- just a lot of verbal abuse that I have learned not to put me down or make me feel less than who I am- Ijust can't seem to connect with him- and yet I love him so much- I am clueless! blame it on me!

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A female reader, tylerbarny United States +, writes (25 October 2009):

I have been married for 11years to my husband we lived together for 10 years. I am in the same situations=. My husband watches porn a lot, I find tapes all around the house. If I asked him to spend time with me, he gets upset and says I am hard to please. If I want to discuss the bills, he says you just want to get something started. I pay our house note, our insurance, electric and phone bills 99& of the time, because all of this is in my name. We use to have sex all the time, but now it might be once a week or every two weeks. He will say something sarcastic if I bring the topic up. I think we are going to have to leave these men. I certainly don't want to live this empty life for the rest of my lif.

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A female reader, triedit Canada +, writes (11 March 2009):

triedit agony auntThe only thing you are guilty of is codependence.

You need to break free from your Dad and your abusive husband (yes, even if he doesn't hit you he is still being abuseive)

Get some therapy and support. And get out of that situation! Being lonely is much better when you are actually alone than it is when there is someone you love ignoring your needs.

No, this won't be easy. But reach out for help. There are lots of agencies in NC who can help get you free.

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