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female
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anonymous
writes: Im having a difficult time with my husband who is a jerk. Im thinking about divorcing him but I have major problems that are in my way of leaving. For one we have children and i dont want them to be raised without their father and they dont understand what a divorce is cause theyre too young and i dont want them to have to try to explain to people why mommy and daddy arent together, and I dont want them to see that other little kids have their moms and dads together or be bullied for it, and have them wondering why mommy and daddy arent happily together like them, secondly i dont have a car, I have no relatives or friends that live close by that can help and even if I did they wouldnt lift a finger for me, I didnt graduate, and cant afford a sitter so that i could go to night school, so I cant get a job, and even if I could get a job, I couldnt work because again, I wouldnt be able to afford a babysitter. I feel so hopeless and I am very unhappy living this way. Im tired of faking that we have a perfect life. We dont argue in front of our children, but they're smart and they sense whats going on. Can anybody give me any advice please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): Don´t say YOU CAN´T! Now they are many ways to get away of a unhappy marriage! Only because you have small children that doesn´t mean you can file for divorce! Thousands of people around the world have been living better alone than married. It´s difficult, but for your self try to find help as soon as possible. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (8 May 2006):
 You sound very negative and depressed. Everything is can't...but you can! Get information and put it in a big file. Divorce, relationship counseeling, training, financial assistance available to one parent families, bringing up kids on your own, everything. Don't say can't until you have all this. Then decide a way forward and keep open options.
UK residents can be eligable for working families tax credit. It is higher for single parents. There is also a contribution to child care. Do you know what you would be entitled to?
Write a list of things you need to do and I would say having a car is priority. Ask your husband to babysit while you take a night class. Are you doing all the caring? There is something about your words that make me feel a lack of family life and an innability to communicate with each other about needs. Have you talked with him about what you both want for the future? Does he understand what you want to acheive? Do you?
This is something that should be collaborated over, it is unhealthy to blame a partner for an unsatisfactory life if they don't have the information. If all your chats start "Why don't you ever...what about me...it's your fault" your words won't get anywhere.
Counselling may also be a good place to address your relationship, plus possibly a trip to the doctor because you do sound very depressed. Good luck. Your dreams may not come true overnight, but you can at least work towards them. As soon as you do one thing about it you will start to feel better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2006): well firstly you haven't mentioned whether your children are of school age. you must make a future plan for yourself and this is why you are feeling so unhappy. your children will not always be small and will be reasonably independent before you know it. i would consider getting yourself a part time job which would fit in during the school hours.not only will this help to increase your self esteem but you will also be able to make friends and have some money for yourself. maybe then you could even save and get yourself a car and be more independent.
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