A
female
age
,
*awn1121
writes:I have been married for 18 years, the marriage has always been alittle rocky but for the most part ok. A few months ago when my husband was drunk he hit me in the mouth. He has since stopped drinking and is rather very nice but I no longer love or respect him. It is like he killed the marriage when he hit me. I am not sure what to do, a divorce would be difficult, staying with him is difficult to. I even thought of having an affair to bring some excitment back into my life. Oh and there are no children in the house, just me and him. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
View related questions:
affair, divorce, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dawn1121 +, writes (9 September 2009):
dawn1121 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI recently wrote him a note explaining my feelings and my very possible intentions to end this marriage. I guess I didn't express myself well or he has his own agenda. Now he is trying even harder, bought me roses, wants to take me on vacation so we could be alone. I can't stand an evening together let alone 4 straight days. The sad part is, he is so nice now, it makes me think about the last 18 years, why was he so mean to me at times. I overlooked the bad and focused on the good at that time.
I don't want to make any wrong decisions like I have done all my life. And I am really afraid to rely on myself. I do appreciate all of your responses, it gives me something to think about. Its like I know you are right and it gives me faith that I am thinking rationally.
A
male
reader, pagano +, writes (9 September 2009):
Sorry to say but i would not give him a chance to do it again. Violence is not acceptable. Being drunk just means he took actions on what he was thinking
...............................
A
female
reader, dawn1121 +, writes (1 September 2009):
dawn1121 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for responding. I am almost positive he will not hit me again, now if he starts drinking that would be a whole different thing,he has not drank for 4 months now and he use to drink everyday. He probably is remorseful for what happened but I just canot forgive him,
And I am afraid to be on my own. I just don't know if I could stay with him the rest of my life after what has happened. I do feel like a fool even being here now. I have a nice home, everything a woman could want just not in love anymore,and holding a grudge.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 September 2009):
 So a smack in the chops gives you permission to commit adultery, eh? Don't be silly. Just get the difficult divorce. He's most likely going to drink again and, if you tick him off, he again might take a swing at you. At least I'd separate if I were you so you can see if he really has decided to stay off the sauce.
...............................
A
female
reader, dawn1121 +, writes (1 September 2009):
dawn1121 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for responding. I am almost positive he will not hit me again, now if he starts drinking that would be a whole different thing,he has not drank for 4 months now and he use to drink everyday. He probably is remorseful for what happened but I just canot forgive him,
And I am afraid to be on my own. I just don't know if I could stay with him the rest of my life after what has happened. I do feel like a fool even being here now. I have a nice home, everything a woman could want just not in love anymore,and holding a grudge.
...............................
A
female
reader, baybee-x-sparkii  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Okay I hate to say it, because I know to you this may be hard especially considering my age and stuff, but surely if he's hit you thats an instant ticket out of your life? How do you know that he's not going to do it again? And if he does it again it could put him into a lot of trouble and you potentially in the A&E =[ which im sure no-one wants. You would be using a great deal of self preservation if you get outta there now, and to be honest the only thing i can see is that you dont wanna get out of it because your not used to being out of a relationship? If thats the case then please don't be nervous.
Just a though =]
Sparkiibunnyx#
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): Why did he hit you? Did you say something to make him mad? I have hit my wife 2 or 3 times (while not being drunk) because she would just hit me at the sensitive spots by her words. Men cannot handle rejection and being made to feel worthless. It is good of your husband to stop drinking, which shows he still loves you. But your thinking like this (i dont respect him blah blah..) may be what is actually killing this marriage.I would say if you want to remain with him, you have to ignore certain things and make certain compromises, and he must do the same as well. But if you have already thinking of leaving him, well that's a different story then.
...............................
A
female
reader, AgonyAuntBlondiee +, writes (1 September 2009):
 In my honest opinion I think your safest bet is to walk away. He hit you. If he's done it once and watched you stand by him he could think he could get away with it again. Understandably you now find it difficult to trust, love and respect your husband. These are three major foundations in any marriage. You have to seriously ask yourself why you are trapping yourself in this relationship. Why haven't you left already?I think that though divorce has its hardships if you do not love or trust him you are only prolonging the agony and hurting yourself by staying with him.Hope this helps :)AgonyAuntBlondiee x
...............................
|
