A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband got a lot of female friends that called him at least 5 times a day for advice and to talk, he told me to talked to them cause they are nice and he wants us to be friends too but when I tried to reach out for them (add them on Facebook) they declined my friend request. They don't what anything to do with me. I got male friends too but I rarely talk to them just because I'm too busy with work and spend time with my kids and husband. I'm very close to my girlfriends and I will never do this to any of my male friends wife. The thing is that I have noticed is whenever my husband gets close to a female she gets clingy and she wants to talk to him all the time and they all have one thing in common.....they all ignored me for some unknown reason. I told my husband about it and he said he's shocked that they do that to me b/c they told him they wanted to meet me and my kids someday and they think I'm beautiful, I don't even know who to believe here? I don't understand why every time my husband catches up with an old female friend or get close to one they end up hating me? I'm beginning to think he bad mouth me to them, or maybe I'm just over reacting? Need advice please.
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (2 March 2014):
 This is ringing alarm bells for me. First of all, what are these other women's motives? Are they married or single and secondly why are they calling a married man? I cringe to mention this, but would your husband mind if you read through his FB messages to/from these women? I'm going to hazard a guess here, as to why these women end up hating you...perhaps they have feelings for your man and want him for themselves. Your husband's charming and helpful responses to these women could be giving them reason to think there could be something in it for them other than a friendly chat. Your husband may consider it hapless and harmless and but it is obviously distressing and worrying for you. It might be time to tell him, but be prepared for heartbreak if it is not all as innocent as he makes it out to be.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 February 2014):
 So did this help at all? Do you have a followup question or comment? Thanks! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): Your husband likes the female attention....and is doing well protecting his position. He probably likes the fact it bugs you. Don't buy any more excuses. If there is something he is doing that upsets you (who wouldn't be) then tell him what boundaries you expect and demand he introduces you. Ask him to respect you and the relationship. If he carries on...knowing your feelings then you have every reason to take the matter further. Just a hunch but his actions are far from 'normal' within an honest marriage.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 February 2014):
 My husband has SEVERAL females "friends" on Facebook - they aren't "friends" in the sense that they chat, see or hang out with each other - they are former co-workers. Nothing hanky panky going on. One had trouble at her work place and needed some advice, so she asked him if she could call - she did and they talked for hours ABOUT how to fix the problem. About work and retirement. I'm fine with that. I'm glad he could help her.
Some of them I have met, but they are NOT my friends, nor do I have them on my FB page (which I don't use anyways), but I have no doubt that these women are just people he are friendly towards. He also have BUNCHES of guys on FB (again loads are former co-workers). And THAT is not a problem either.
I would NEVER reach out and want to be friends with these people.
However - YOUR situation is a little bit different. THESE women on his Facebook are friends that he ONLY chats/text with and not people he ACTUALLY see in person? Because if he sees them in person I can't imagine WHY you haven't met them yet. That is beyond ridiculous.
I don't think they hate you, as you put it. But I do think they regards you with little respect. And I don't think your husband sees that AT ALL. He is enjoying "reliving" glory days and that is kind of detrimental to a marriage.
If these are "just" women he talks to on FB and over the phone I'm less inclined to think it's inappropriate - BUT if they are CONSTANTLY texting and calling for "advice" I find it iffy.
I would suggest that if he DOES met up with ANY of them, that YOU are there too.
I have male friends that go back to my college days. We do NOT talk constantly and my husband has met some of them. I have nothing to hide, neither does he.
I would also talk to him and ask him straight out of he discusses his marriage with these women, and if he does suggest that THAT is a topic between YOU and him, and if there are problems he should REACH out to YOU, not someone else.
You write that whenever they get CLOSE - the women gets clingy - I'm sorry, I would interpret that as them thinking he wants to BE with them - so they see you as competition or a road block and no wonder they want nothing to do with you.
Has he ever showed you a text conversation between him and one of these females? Or does he talk about the conversations?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Agreed. Tell hubby you are FINE with all his lady friends AS LONG as you meet them and are friends with them too.
IF he tries to set it up and they refuse that should tell him something. And it should give him reason to end the friendship.
IF he refuses that should tell YOU something. And give you reason to end the marriage or at least mandate counseling.
What I have found however with many happily partnered men, is they are totally clueless that women are gunning for them. They mistake the woman's attention as mere friendliness.
Sadly women like this are around more and more thinking it perfectly OK to try to snag another woman's husband. The issue is your hubby may not WANT to be snagged and therefore is misinterpreting what is being said and done as friendly when the women have more nefarious ideas.
That's giving HIM the benefit of the doubt.
His reaction to your wanting to meet his friends will tell you more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): I think it is your husband's responsibility to eliminate any lady-friend who isn't friendly and receptive to his wife.
When you're in a marriage; friends a placed in an area where they are available upon invitation. They are expected to be polite and friendly to both partners. You husband sets no rules because he wants access to these women without your interference. He allows them free access and free reign.
That is grossly inappropriate for married man. You don't have to put up with it. If you have seriously discussed this with him and he doesn't seem to care about your feelings about it. You have a serious marital problem. He puts female friends before his wife. They may also be more than friends.
Friends are friends. They are polite to spouses. They don't intrude, and they aren't disrespectful. F-buddies and playmates are pieces on the side. The are rude, competitive, nasty, and vindictive. They purposely call at times that are inappropriate and their point is to disrupt his marriage.
I think you need to get your marriage back in sync. Your husband is veering of-course and taking advantage of your trust. At best, he has no respect for you. If they don't respect you, it's because he condones it.
Marriage counseling is a good ultimatum. Don't use it, unless you mean it.
Divorce is the last resort.
That's the one you use when you can no longer get respect, reconcile differences, and too many other women take up your husband's time.
Marriage is not just a legal contract that allows you to call yourself a Mrs. There were some vows taken somewhere in there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): Anyone who is not a friend of my partner is not a friend of mine.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2014):
The one thing these women all have in common is that they are vying for your husband's attention.
I would suggest you sit him down and have a discussion about boundaries and respect for your marriage and your relationship. If he has this influx of new women, where are they coming from? Where do they his number? From your husband, of course. Who responds to their phone calls? Your husband. Who isn't making it clear that unless they are mutual friends with you they can't become his friends? Your husband.
I would suggest to him that if these 'friends' refuse to befriend you on FB or meet you in person then he has to end the friendship.
I wouldn't tolerate this crap, why are you?
The one encouraging all these cozy friendships is your husband. How would he react if your male friends called you 5 times a day and refused to befriend him?
He's being shortsighted about your marriage if he can't see the damage he's doing to it.
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A
female
reader, babyzbird  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 I agree with k_c100. The only way I can think of to solve this is to meet them in person.
If alot of females were contacting my husband I would demand to meet every single one of them. Of course when you ask your husband to meet them you're better off asking politely.
Good Luck and I hope everything works out for you!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Ask your husband to arrange for you to go out to dinner or for a drink with his female friends - not all at the same time obviously but over the space of a few months meet them in person with your husband (i.e. the 3 of you go out together, or if the friend has a partner then go out all 4 of you).
If your husband refuses to arrange this and starts making excuses, then you will know something is going on. If he's happy for you all to go out together and meet his friends then its not an issue - but if he starts to make excuses to prevent you from meeting them in person then I'd say you have a problem.
the bit about them declining you on Facebook isnt that weird, I personally would not accept a friend request from a friend's girlfriend whom I've never met. The bit that is weird though is how often they contact your husband, it could potentially be more than friendship if they are constantly contacting him - generally that only happens with a man you are romantically interested in.
So try getting your husband to arrange for you all to go out together so you can meet face to face, and see what happens. That should start to show the truth.
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