A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my husband very much. We did not have a lot of sex before we married, so it wasn't until after our wedding that I confirmed that he has premature ejaculation. This has effected every single time we have had sex for the past two years, without exception. Neither of us were virgins, we had a long distance relationship before our marriage and our marriage enabled us to move and be together finally. My previous long term relationships were all sexually satisfying. This is the only relationship I have ever experienced that is not sexually satisfying, and I am devastated because I am highly attracted to him, love him and want a wonderful, successful, life-long marriage.We have tried open discussion, condoms with desensitizing lubricant, changing positions, practicing, I have been kind and supportive throughout. I am finally starting to reach the point of frustration, even though I do not blame him. I'm starting to become disinterested in sex because I know it will not result in satisfaction for me, even though I have, for two years, gotten a lot out of giving him pleasure and enjoying the closeness that intimacy provides. But my needs are not being met.I do not want anyone else, but I've actually contemplated cheating for the first time, which makes me feel terrible (no, I do not know anyone that I would want to do this with). Yet, I can't shake the feeling that if he is not able to satisfy me, I can still love him and give to him as I have, but perhaps I need to have my physical needs met elsewhere?
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male
reader, virginboy2  +, writes (6 April 2011):
Hello there. Yes, I agree that cheating isn't the right thing to do. Fore play would be a good thing though. Moreover, I have got some tips for you and here they are. He can do penis exercise in order for him to last much longer.1. Tell him to practice by masturbating and as he nears ejaculation, he has to squeeze his penis tightly for about ten seconds. This will prevent him from squirting. Rest for about five minutes and repeat the process. At the third or fourth round, he will have to squirt with a very strong force. Do this exercise for a month or so and try having sex again. You will find it very satisfying and could even go on for an hour or so.Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): Cheating definitely isnt the answer here. In fact, counseling may be. If you do indeed want this man in your life forever, then marriage counseling would be worth the investment. It opens communication, it could help give him more confidence with you, and could also be very encouraging for both of you to keep at things. Not to mention a medical doctor? Has he seen one?
AND yes about the oral... believe me staying a virgin til I was 25 was a huge mistake... however, during that time I somewhat learned the tricks of my tongue and learned oral action can be extremely satisfying along with fingers. Guide him, tell him what you like, and give him feedback while he's down there. Youd be surprised how satisfied you can become. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, baby1moretime  +, writes (5 April 2011):
Hello,
I know a natural way to solve this.
Buy red panax ginseng extract from asian grocery store or traditional chinese medicine store.
It is usually cheap, about $ 10 a pack.
Get him to drink it every morning when he wakes up.
Try once every two days first!
If you have anymore questions, you are welcome to email me or ask me.
I know this for a fact because my family, from my aunt's side own a traditional medicine store and 4 pharmacies.
Do not get a divorce first, try this, it works everytime.
But he needs to drink it regularly.
If a man with premature ejaculation drink this regularly, he can go on and on for hours.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): What does it mean to you for him to have "premature" ejaculation?
Could you be very specific on this issue, it might help.
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (5 April 2011):
I'll give you a quick tip.Let him please you orally! Don't seek an orgasm, just enjoy the feeling. Get a vibrator, and tell him to pleasure you with it. Spend as many time as you need to climax. After you feel satisfied, let him penetrate you [that would be like the cherry on the cake]. Sex is not all about penetration. Sex is about being connected, being naked, and enjoying each others company. Many man out there have that problem. So there his a high chance that if you cheat your husband, you are going to cheat him with a guy who has the same problem. If you are not satisfied in your marriage, just get a divorce, and find someone who doesn't have PE. The penis is not a tool like a hammer that you can use as you want or how you want. It is a very complex tool, and if your man has PE, you can't pressure him to stop having PE. If you stress him to stop having PE... guess what? He'll have even worse PE.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): How would you feel if your husband went elsewhere cause your vagina was not tight enough for him? People don't take marriage seriously anymore.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Who says that the penis is the only tool for sex? That's like saying that you should build a house with only a hammer, because the hammer is the only tool that matters.
Person has the right idea...use other tools. His tongue, his hands and fingers, a vibrator, anything can be used because sex isn't always about "open vagina, insert penis" intercourse. The art of karezza practiced by some involves hours of mutually and intensely satisfying sex without the performance of intercourse.
You are missing half of the equation by thinking that only he has to work on his PE. It's very much a team effort. You can either look at this as a deficiency he has, or you can view it as something to work on together. Tantric sex, the kama sutra, marathon edging sessions...all of these things can add new and very exciting tools, all of which can satisfy you immensely while he simulataneously works on excercises that can increase his staying power with the real thing.
I will say this - just because a man might have PE doesn't mean that he's selfish. PE can cause a massive amount of anxiety if he loves you and wants to please you. Please lighten his load and broaden your sexual horizons. Sometimes, self-confidence and reassurance that he *can* satisfy you in many ways can be a powerful medicine in these cases.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (5 April 2011):
 You should talk to a doctor with him. Premature ejaculation can be fixed.
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A
female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Well, I think if you really love this guy, then I think cheating on him would probably be the worst decision you could ever make, and one you will regret forever. If he gets off early, just get him to go down on you until you get there also, include vibrators, toys, etc... anything to spice it up. Have sex with him as much as possible, sometimes premature ejaculation stems from not having enough sex, so when he does get some....he's too excited.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Have you tried getting satisfaction from him in other ways? Like say, oral sex? It's really difficult for guys to last a long time with penetrative sex. You can't just rely on penetration all the time, even men without premature ejaculation problems would find that stressful. He could also orgasm shortly before you start sex and that would make him last longer. Or have him give you oral sex and fingers before and after. Or use your own fingers. Or a vibrator. The only thing you've been working on is numbing him, but it doesn't sound like you've tried much with helping yourself get there. You can also go talk to sex therapists for some ideas.
This is not an excuse to cheat, there is no excuse to cheat. If you cheat on him because he can't last that long it's just as bad as for any reason or no reason. I don't think it would make him feel much better about it if you reassured him you were only looking elsewhere because he couldn't satisfy you. You can't have him for your emotional love and someone else for physical love. You have to choose. If this isn't something you can live with, then you need to be upfront about it with him and find someone who can meet your physical needs.
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