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How to take my time and not push things on and accidentally mess it up?

Tagged as: Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2015)
A female United States age 26-29, *ithe4ngel writes:

Im having my first real crush the kind were its not just he physical eye candy but someone I would enjoy having around for the rest of my life.anyways we both work at camp and have known each other a while..just this season we became good friends.I pick someone every year to follow around during my off time to study.anywho i found that i developed a serious i want him to hold my hand hug whatever kind of like.I have a really big bubble people make me uncomfortable.hes very nice but i want him in my bubble.we send eachother letters now sometimes with poetry.also i have made hin aware that i like him.he says he doesnt know we both grew up in ways that made us a bit socailly well emotionally stunted.how do i pursue him? Or at least make sure i dont accidently push more then i should because im not ready but i want to be?hes very evasive on this topic and it kills me inside to talk about it.is it just a wait for more time together thing?he says he wouldnt mind in the future and that now is nice, but how do i fix my feelings or put them on hold when its more appropriate.hes really great any advice would be wonderful.we are kind of inbetween friendship and courting which is fine im just akward..nit ready to date but i want to help build the idea that im suitable,he says i just need to ...be less self isolating or self depreciating which isnt intantional im glad we can at least write letters to each other.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2015):

Talk to him one on one. Ask him if there is any chance of anything romantic growing between you? Learn to be strong enough to take "no" for an answer. If you never take a chance, you may miss the "yes" you've been hoping for.

If he has told you outright he just wants to be friends.

Take that as your final answer.

Just try to contain your enthusiasm. If he isn't saying anything sweet to you, if won't ask you out on a date, or he's too shy; you might not want to push the issue that you want to date him. He's got to give you some positive signs that's what he wants too. It can't all rest on your shoulders. He's got to do and say something to help you out.

Shyness gets in your way, and will steal opportunities away from you. Better learn when to control it, and how to deal with rejection. That's life.

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A female reader, aithe4ngel United States +, writes (11 August 2015):

aithe4ngel is verified as being by the original poster of the question

aithe4ngel agony auntThanks, to clarify we have been friends for three years.Additionally my spelling is quite poor right now because i havent had to spell anything for the past six weeks my apologies.I have only brought the topic up once verbally because I was being harassed at camp for being his friend and once in writing to state that I have an intrest in him and itd be unfair to say its nit completely platonic.I was taught that romance doesnt exist and such so its very hard for me to deal with this idea.he also has a unique upbringing that makes him just as unversed in feeling or expressing emotions.I honestly would be sad if he doesn't feel the same but at the same time it nit being mutual would help destory this akward unwanted yet ...normal attraction.?honestly i could never hold his hand first hes always been the one to poke me or use me for help during starwatches so he doesnt tip over.I want my crush on him to stop i would love for it too stop completely..but again hes one of the few people ive met i can talk on a personal level with and anyways. Sorry for mispellings typos and jumbled thoughts I really appreciate the help.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2015):

My dear, do I detect a slight learning disability here? The writing is a little incoherent and jumbled. Maybe English is a second language? However; I did get the point of your post, and I will try and help.

He isn't sure whether he wants to date you or not. You might be coming on a little too strong. You should never look at a guy you're getting to know for the first time, as someone you want to spend your life with. That's too intense. It's scary too!

You are eager to find out where he's coming from; and he may be trying to be polite. Perhaps he's shy, and afraid to hurt your feelings. You may write letters and poetry together, but friends do pretty much the same thing. Are you going to be alright if he doesn't want to date you? He might need more time. Maybe he already has it figured out, and you seem so excited and anxious to date him; he is afraid to upset you or hurt your feelings.

You don't have any choice but to slow down. How much? That depends on if he seems attracted to you. You want hugs and to hold hands. If he isn't trying to do that, then back-off a little. That may be a sign he doesn't want to.

I have found it safe to believe a person is not interested in me romantically; unless they try to do something romantic. Maybe even come right-out and tell me that's what they want with me.

If you have already asked, and he keeps putting it off; don't ask him anymore. He's not interested in dating you.

If he is hard to read, or just not being clear; then just assume he only wants you as a friend. If that is not enough for you, after giving him just a little more time; give-up and don't push it. It might hurt, but it hurts more when you push too hard; and make someone have to hurt your feelings to make you stop.

If he keeps messing around with your feelings, it's up to you to decide that you have had enough of that. It's also your choice if you want to put-up with waiting for him to help you figure out what he wants from and with you.

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