A
male
age
30-35,
*uarez09
writes:"OP Own Title" My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and have a 2 year old son and we are both 19. I was recently kicked out of my house and I am now living with my girlfriend, her parents and our son. Ever since I have moved in, about 2 months ago, she started pushing me away when I go to hug or kiss her. I often tell her how good she looks and she disagrees. She is 125-130 pounds and just recently started dieting and just got a gym membership. How can I help her raise her self esteem/ confidence?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 Sounds like she needs space, the house sounds crowded. Don't be offended. Just let her come to you for hugs and kisses instead. Moving in together is a big deal, and she needs time to get used to it. Simple yet complicated. Give her time. I don't think this comes from self esteem problems, but problems with stress and having too much to deal with. She just needs more time to get on top of things and learn how to live with the new situation. My best advice for you is to be patient and understanding. Let things slide and don't worry about the small things. With more time the pieces will fall together and she can be more relaxed again.
If she doesn't get back to her normal self soon, talk to her. Ask her if she is stressed, or if the living conditions are putting too much pressure on her. Ask her if it would be better if the two of you found a home of your own. You don't need to have it right now, but the idea that you will find a place of your own might just give her the right goal to work towards. And a good goal helps a lot.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 Her family is very supportive but she's probably feeling not too happy because she is having a kid way too early without a solid home herself and is relying on her parents. She may also feel that her youth is over and is missing out on freedom that most of her single friends have. Her need for financial security and independence is more a priority of looking good and feeling young. Going to the gym is one way of motivating oneself. I think she will feel better if you have a plan for the future. Your parents must disappove of this and I am assuming they don't have a close relationship with your girlfriend. Once you show everybody you care and you will marry her one day then your parents will warm up to you guys and your girlfriend would actually be a bridge to connect you and your family again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): Hello, I would just like to point out that I was once in your girlfriends position until my boyfriend made me feel better.
I am 83 kilo's so I'm not skinny but not too big - probably the same as your girlfriend when you think about it - and I was SO embarrassed of what I looked like until my boyfriend told me everyday that I looked nice, that he thought the dress complimented me and such.
You might want to maybe just comment three or four times a week of how her clothes look, how much you like her hair and hug her from behind but avoid resting your hands on her stomach.
Hope this helps! :)
Regards,
Jade
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): You sound like a good guy! Sometimes girls have their own insecurities, so if she wants to diet or go to the gym then just support her.
You can tell her that you don't personally think she needs it but if it will make her feel better you're all for it.
Maybe you two can go running or walking together. Exercising together really helps a relationship, even if either of you really need it, it will bring you closer, and help boost both of your confidence!
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