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How to pleasure a girl without having sex?

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 December 2008) 68 Answers - (Newest, 30 December 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Whats the best way to give a girl pleasure WITHOUT having sex?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

Hey we got to keep this thread running.. with another eight comments we can hit 100... ROLL UP, ROLL UP... Chances of this thread hitting 100.. 10 to one Diovanlestat manages it, 2 to one the target is hit by Bugs or JohnDoe, 100 to one, target is hit by original caller, 50 to one, target is hit by some new person passing through... come right along, place your bets, I've got odds to suit everyone......

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

Caller this is all your fault.. nope I'm hoping there really is a girl, I'm trusting you got some great ideas and will try some of them out... I personally like Askoldersis suggestion of two people who can't have sex because one of them has been wonded and the other one is playing the part ov a kind and tender nurse, but that's just my own personal opinon

Now, go and choose one, practise on the girl and don't forget to come back and tell us how it went..

(Diovanlestat opens betting book) ROLL UP, ROLL UP, PLACE YOUR BETS HERE, I've got evens on chocolates, massages and sexy texts, oral sex gives you odds at 10-1, spa is 50-1, place your bets before he comes back and tells us what really happened and what he choose to do in the end... ROLL UP, ROLL UP, Sexual options for people who want romance without sex, Diovanlestat is taking the bets

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

I rest my case.Nothing more to add.Your words say it all.I am tired of all your lies.No coming back again.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

Wow Mr.IndianGuide, atlast something related to the original question after I hijacked this thread lol.

Mrs.Bugs, that is a lot of wrong assumptions you got there. For example... I wont give a damn if someone called my mom or sister names.

The so-called paedophile thread was an interesting one... the original poster who already decided what answer she wanted to hear... a lot of emotional women (and men) showing their denial of truth... only like a couple of guys giving the correct answer to the original question. The original poster had a huge sense of unintentional humor.

"Hey I have a big question. Is it possible for a daughter to have sexual feelings for her father?"

"Oh yea it is possible. It happens"

"What???? You think it is possible???? You are sick. I wish you will never have a daughter"

Aunts need to tone down their emotions and to try to give informed answers so that dearcupid will be more useful to those who sincerely seek the right answer here.

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A male reader, IndianGuide India +, writes (29 December 2008):

You can try foot massage. Earlier in our relationship, that was the max physical we got.

I used to wash her feet and kiss them. She just loved it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008):

I said "I WILL advocate against sex without love"

Till now I have been supporting women mostly who want to take their relationship to the next level with out any analysis.

The key word being they are already in a relationship.

Now I will also ask if they are in love.I have had a liberal viewed but sheltered upbringing.My bro would have killed a guy who tried to get close to me.

Women all over the world deserve to be saved from men like you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008):

My time at the cyber cafe ran out yesterday.My husband is not Tamil.I am not completely Indian either.I was brought up in much more of a liberal house than yours.I am glad my mom though not an Indian still managed to instill the sense of right and wrong in me.

These are your words.

" There are girls who think their guys should do them favors in order to "get sex." Your words sounded to me like you are one of them.

"try the chocolates and romance route.you will start getting sex." It sounds like the guy is getting sex and the girl is giving sex right? It doesnt sound like they are sharing sex. "

"Sorry for the misunderstanding. I didnt mention prostitution to get a reaction."

You knew exactly what you were implying.You knew How would I react to it.Would you believe my friends at dearcupid advised me,"He is expecting a reaction from you.Thats why he is brought in prositution.

You are not the only one who is smart John Doe.There are people who are smarter than you on this DearCupid.I am not smart and I rose to your bait.

If anyone even remotely called your mom or sis in person as how you compared me indirectly here all because you were anonymous I am sure you must have reacted differently.I understood you right from the pedophile thread that made all the other aunts on the thread understand you as well.

"The so-called conservative Indian society which gave Richard Gere a hard time for kissing Shilpa Shetty in the public, gave the world Khajuraho sculptures which portray threesomes, foursomes, lesbianism, beastiality etc. I am not going to judge anyone."

You would have made a good Indian Politician.You used the above to argue.Why did you generalize the Indian society.I don't generalize Indian Male.I compared you to the average Indian Male.You guys form around 50% of the Indian Male society.Rest of the Indian Men are quite nice.

It was the politicians who made a big deal out of Gere Kissing Shilpa.It was a big drama for the vote bank.I don't see much of a difference between you and them.The rest of Mumbai had a good laugh about it and sympathised and supported Shilpa.

You are sitting at a safe place John Doe.You are not judging anyone.You have your mom and sister who are the epitome of Indian culture.your mom may select for you a pure Indian woman.After the dowry is decided you will marry her with out any qualms.Men don't have a hymen to check their purity.Its working out well for the average Indian Male.

You cannot even bear widows remarrying in your heart.How lovely!.And you are being politically correct when you say I wouldn't mind my feelings if she chooses to get married.Some how you reek of dishonesty.

The rest of the world didn't grow up with seeing men like you on the TV,news papers.I did.You are as clear to me as water.I can see through you.

Just because Indians don't talk about sex doesn't mean they think sex is wrong.Times are changing.Women are leaving their husbands if they cheat.I am glad that India is changing for the good.For all the men who choose to have open relationships,extra marital wives,second wives,threesomes,foursomes etc., they don't know that there are men in India who are strongly loyal to their wives.

Its a website where people tell what they feel from their heart.Its not a politically correct website where you think logically from the brain.Most of the People speak from the heart here.I am glad they are here.

How would you feel if your wife slept around,had open relationships?Would you be able to accept her?A guy who feels uncomfortable about a widow remarrying?

Contrary to what you think western world looks down on adultery,open relationships too.I have learnt to respect the western culture on DearCupid.You need to read the answers after you search for "her past" in the search bar.

Human beings are the same all over the world.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008):

Mrs.Bugs, arent you and your husband being average tamil female and male for reacting so strongly to that one word? Though we have usernames, virtually we are all anonymous to each other enjoying our anonymity and using it to be very open about our ideas. For crying out loud, this is an exchange of opinions and analysis of ideas. I made myself very clear as to why I made that comparison to visiting a prostitute. You make it sound like I called you a prostitute for the sake of name calling or like I am spreading rumours that you are a prostitute among your neighbours and friends. You took it so personal. I am extremely sorry. To say in tamil "Amma thayee mannichikonga. Unga kaalila viluraen" (Madam, I beg at your feet for forgiveness) :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008):

I stand up for What I believe in.I will always advocate against sex with out love.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008):

I am somebody else's sister,mother and a very loving wife of a great guy.You were so quick to judge me.My husband read your answers and was more hurt than me.I have seen the average Indian Male.So I expected such behavior from you.He is not the average Indian Male and was shocked.

How easy was it for you to label me a prostitute?It was so simple for you to say "Sorry Bugs I misunderstood you."

My mom says one thing in Tamil John Doe.

"Varthai Sinthina Alla Mudiyathu".Once you let your words spill you cannot gather them back.

But I am a Christian and I forgive you.But I can never believe a Hypocrite about what ever he says.I wish you well.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008):

Mrs.Bugs! I am sorry if I misunderstood your words. You said "I don't believe in giving sex for gifts either." If you dont believe in that, we are having the same views. There are girls who think their guys should do them favors in order to "get sex." Your words sounded to me like you are one of them. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I didnt mention prostitution to get a reaction. It is just how I would feel if my girl behaves like that to me. I would feel like sleeping with a prostitute. It is not that I think prostitutes are lower than others. I dont think they are lower. I just think the sex wont be great becoz I will know the prostitute is not enjoying it and she is doing it only for the money. I have nothing against the whole romantic realm. I have had my share of exciting romantic moments when I was younger.

Now I have to defend myself against the hypocrisy charge becoz I hate hypocrisy so much. I definitely dont think my sister, my mom and my wife should all be so pure while I should be able to go and have sex with all other women in the world. My sister and my mom have made their own choices based on their religious beliefs and upbringing. It is their right. They would be shocked to know that I support open relationships. There was a time when I would have called certain things accepted in the western world as sick. Ever since I started surfing, my opinions and views started to change. Many of my online western friends said "Eeeewww that is sick" when I told them I used to be in love with my cousin which is perfectly acceptable in my tamil society. So what is sick and what is not? Society A thinks one thing is sick and another thing is OK. Society B thinks the opposite. When I put my emotions and feelings aside and started to question myself "Why I feel this thing is sick? What is the logic behind that?" I found that there is really no logic behind my feelings in many issues. My feelings are there only becoz I am brainwashed by my society. So I decided not to ever let my emotions and feelings confuse my reasoning and judgement. I couldnt make my irrational feelings go away. I would still feel uncomfortable about a perfectly fine thing like a widowed aunt remarrying. But I wont let my feelings dictate my judgement. So yea.. I would advocate widows remarrying no matter what my feelings tell me. So what "I feel" is not what "I believe in." I support open relationships and one night stands (where everyone involved consents to it) becoz I cant logically conclude those practises are wrong (that they harm someone) Tamil society is not immune to open relationships. We are the biggest hypocrites when it comes to sex. We just manage to do in secret what westerners do in the open. There are plently of married guys who go to prostitutes (with some wives accepting it as no big deal) plenty of guys with two wives (again some first wives are Ok with the second) and plenty of extramarital affairs. The so-called conservative Indian society which gave Richard Gere a hard time for kissing Shilpa Shetty in the public, gave the world Khajuraho sculptures which portray threesomes, foursomes, lesbianism, beastiality etc. I am not going to judge anyone. If one thinks open relationship is not what they want, fine. If another one thinks that is what they want, again fine. Both are right. I wont post anymore in this thread regarding these things becoz I have already hijacked this thread. I apologize to the OP and the website official who had to review my posts.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008):

OK it wasn't just any stone, it was a piece of natural rose quartz that he found and brought home specially for me... rose quartz is known for bring love and joy to the heart...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008):

Damn, I thought I was romantic.. my ex gave me a stone of the beach, best present I ever got from a guy in my life. You got a twig, girl it's true, some guys are just so romantic....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008):

I stopped avoiding you like the plague.From now on,you are going to get as good as you give.

I said try "the" chocolates and romance route.It didn't mean give sex after getting the chocolates.It meant winning over the woman emotionally.With your mind in the gutter,you would be twisting anything I say .I bet you are peeved that you found an Indian woman that too some one from your state who was able to tear your mask of hypocrisy.I still treasure the twig of dried flowers my husband gifted to me when we went trekking in Himachal Pradesh.My heart melts when ever I see the twig.The twig costs nothing.It was in an unreachable part of the mountain.It was almost a risk of life.The trekking guide advised against it.He still did it.All I said was,"It looks beautiful" and he had to go get it for me.That's what romance means John Doe.When a guy wins over a girl emotionally sex becomes making love.Its the THOUGHT behind the gift that counts.I don't believe in animal sex Mr.John Doe.I don't believe in open relationships,one night stands.I don't believe in giving sex for gifts either.I believe in the romance part of it and the love behind the gift.

I gift my husband equally too.Its not the gift but the thought that counts.Our salaries are almost the same.

Hypocrisy is when you don't believe in something but you still advocate it.

TamilNadu is a state of India that is so conservative.You being a Christian I am very sure that your mom or sister is not going to have open relationships or one night stands.So Your mentality is that you want your mom and sister to be pure(I am sure they are.I understand Tamil culture very well.I am Tamil myself) but the rest of the people's moms and sisters shouldn't be?.Right from day one you have been telling that an ideal society should have open relationships.I find it hypocrisy to the extreme.

There are so many aunts on this site who advocate against sex with out love.They are not from India.Societal rules are not silly.If any one believes in emotions they are not silly.These rules are preventing humans from becoming animals.

You knew I would react being compared to a prostitute.I understand an average Indian Male very well.In so many words you did that indirectly.Your mom would be so proud if she reads your answers.

You were right about one thing.You definitely need to get your mind out of the gutter.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008):

Sorry Mrs.Bugs! I wouldnt have made that observation if I knew that you are avoiding me like a plague. Ok you say that I am twisting your words. Let me quote your words...

"try the chocolates and romance route.you will start getting sex." It sounds like the guy is getting sex and the girl is giving sex right? It doesnt sound like they are sharing sex. I am not saying women shouldnt be romantic or they shouldnt expect romantic little things from their guys. Just the idea "If you please me romantically I will give you sex" doesnt appeal to me. If I have to please a girl with non-sexual things to "get" sex I might as well go to a prostitute becoz I wont feel the mutual enjoyment in such a thing. And you bring in my mom and dad here becoz you know it will scare an Indian guy right? :) Good. If my mom used sex to get saree or perfume or chocolates I would say she is behaving like a prostitute. Happy now? :) My mom definitely wouldnt be happy to see what I post here becoz she is a strict Christian. Do you want me to give Christian answers or answers that dont depend on my Christian beliefs or my society's beliefs? I cant take that liberty here. When I reply here I only give logical answers.

So Miss.DiovanLestat, you will be consistent with your line of thinking even if the genders are reversed? That is cool then :) I think I should take my mind out of the gutter lol

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008):

If a girl comes to this site asking how to pleasure a guy without having sex, my first thought would not be oral sex. I probably wouldn't suggest washing dishes, but sexy texts, fantasy and massages, as well as buying him thoughtfull gifts and doing things that he likes would be high on my list..

Again we need to read the question... How to PLEASURE a girl WITHOUT having SEX. If the question is about giving pleasure or having sex without penetration, then the answers would be different....

FWB, One night stands, swinging, open relationships and things of this type get different answers because the situation and the person is different. One size dose not fit all.. anyway, even in these types of relationships, guys can give nice words and gifts and do very thoughtfull things... (Diovanlestat smiles at sweet memories) lol

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008):

I never said I have sex only in exchange of chocolates.You are twisting every word I say.You are lashing out in the worst way possible.Its time I gave back some of your own medicine.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008):

John Doe I am sure your dad buys jasmine for your mom's hair.I am sure he must have at least got her a saree in all those years of being married with some affection.Does that make your mom a prostitute?

Romance is something every woman in the world enjoys.Irrespective of which part of the world they are in.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008):

John Doe I will take the bite.You are being obnoxious to say in the least.Yes I am very angry right now.I never said give sex in exchange of chocolates.Its the romance of it that wins over the girl.You made it look like prostitution.That's one of the cheapest things I have read from a guy on DearCupid.You are from TamilNadu aren't you?Do you have any sisters?I am sure you have a mother.Being from India,I wonder would you be so cool if they have one night stands?Its not the societal rules that dictate us Mr.John Doe.Its the choice that we make.

P.S:Diovan I am tired of him thinking so cheaply of girls who like romance.He called us lil better than wh****.Battle is on.I wonder what his mom would say when she reads this..Probably,"Wow!What a wonferful son I have brought up who is making India's name shine".Yes India has become modern.Majority still believes in Pureness.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008):

Miss.DiovanLestat, I think the intention of the question is plain and simple. Ok I will put it like this.. if some girl came here and asked "how can I pleasure a guy without having sex?" you would have surely assumed she is talking about giving the guy sexual pleasure right? You wont be telling her to fix him nice meals, laugh at his jokes, stroke his ego etc etc. Regarding evolution, I think times are changing. Society is not having girls in such tight grip like it did back in times. Many girls are now going for "Friends with benefits" and "One night stands." You can say "most of them dont end up happy." Again I think that is becoz society still thinks girls are not supposed to behave like that. When we manage to shed those double standards we will have a lot more girls being vocal about their sexuality than now. The difference between men and women will reduce greatly in those times I believe. Personally I think I evolved from a hopelessly romantic guy to someone immune to romantic feelings over the past 15 years :P Ok... I have broken a personal decision not to use this site to debate... but I couldnt resist this lol I will behave next time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008):

Dash, guess I had a lot to say in response to what some of you guys have been saying... lol

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008):

Wow....... very strong statements you guys are giving us.

Firstly, this teenage guy, wanted to know about pleasure WITHOUT SEX. A very short statement, "how do I pleasure a girl" not MY girl or MY girlfriend. We answered the question that was asked. I don't know if he has a girlfriend at all, he didn't tell me that, but he might have tolde you. I've checked and I've checked, but I can't see no woman standing beside him, asking for him to ask this for her. Because he asks, you assume that his girlfriend is behind him demanding oral sex. A man asks a questions, so off course his girlfriend is dying for some sex. Your assumptions, your immaginations, not based on anything that I can see written down here for us all to see. You are making a lot of assumptions, to the point of telling me you can now see what is in this woman's mind. A woman that I don't even know exists. Read the post more carefully.

Men are from Mars and women are from venus.

This guy asked us ladies to tell him what we think a girl would like, so we told him what we like. Now two men on this board come along and say we have been watching too many movies and we aught to change the way we think. You both seem to imply that there is something wrong with us women, because we like chocolates, massages, sexy texts and the rest. You seem to be telling us to forget all about that crap, and just get on to the sex because that's what YOU men enjoy.

LADIES DON'T WORRY.. I'LL BEHAVE

JohnDoe, you've stated that you would prefer to pay a prostitute for sex rather than buying some chocolates for a woman, treating her romantic and nice, doing the things that she likes and she considers great foreplay. Your right, prostitutes don't need these things. If your time is tight and your needs are great this may be the best choice for you in your own personal situation.

Pvtguy, your statement is something else.... I just have to repeat again, and again and again... I've capitalised some of the words, just to make things clearer and easier for my silly undeveloped woman's brain to understand... lol

"It seems Men HAVE EVOLVED (I assume that means they've become like you and improved) but WOMEN are still stuck in the IMMATURE times of 19th and 20th century (hollywood era of make believe, fantasy) if all there happy about is chocolates, ROMANCE and NO SEX."

I wonder which of the ladies that answered the question prefer no sex? That must be me and Gina, who like to see men washing dishes without any clothes on. Sorry guys, but this question was about NO SEX, read the title.. We answered the question we have been given. If he had asked about pleasure and sex, our answers would be different.

I'm trying to behave, but if this is an attempt at getting this woman (me) to EVOLVE, put aside her immature wish for ROMANCE before she gets her knickers off, well I think I'll give your modern ways a miss...

PS: Your wrong, romance started well before the 19th and 20th century, never heard of King Arthur, have you never read the Karma Sutra. You need to read a lot more, and learn some basic history. Luckily the Karma Sutra is free online so you can try it out. Plenty of romance, ways to seduce and attract a woman, and lots and lots of sex. It might surprise you that instead of EVOLVING, you males may have actually gone backward with your wish to get rid of romance and just move on to the sex part. Adding romance to your sex lives would probably do much to improve them. Both these books are dated much, much more earlier than 19th and 20th century, and were written well before the modern age of televisions, film, or computers..

PPS: Men work hard, men have little time... Strange that women in your world don't work at anything at all. All women in my world work, they actually do many jobs, some paid and some unpaid. In my culture women hold down important jobs, they go to school, they help the community and church, they look after the children, the animals, their friends, and their parents. They can cook, drive, they know how to fix things in the house, they are experts at martial arts. They go out and buy sexy clothes, they know how to seduce a man, how to make him cry durring sex, they can put on a dinner for 100 people, and still have the energy to wash, iron and wipe a man's nose when he gets sick and winny. Sorry, but this woman who sits at home all day waiting for you to come home, may exist in your world, but it's not something I often see in mine.

Anyway, this young guy has been giving tons of advice. He can EVOLVE and grow to be a older man following your suggestions, or he could use some hints and tricks from the suggestions us women have given him...At the end of the day, I don't think we women will give up our need for romance, good sex, or thoughtfull kind words and gifts. I can't see the point, what are you men gonna give me in return. Oral sex, quick sex... nice, but no thanks, I think I'll hold out and get it all...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008):

Miss.DiovanLestat, good compromise there. As for you saying there is no indication the girl wants it, I think the question itself is an indication. I agree with pvtguy. Many girls are not evolving with times. I would enjoy sex a lot more if the girl wants it, than if the girl gives sex in exchange for chocolates. I might as well go to a prostitute who will give sex in exchange for money.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008):

Pvtguy thanks for sharing.All of us going through the recession aren't we?.I may not be able to do anything about the recession but DearCupid is a great sounding board.

I hope and pray things get better with you soon.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008):

I don't know much about 17th century either.

I just meant to imply he's an old fashioned gentleman.

Unconditional love wins the battle at times.She can be as mean as she wants.You still are going to love her and be there for her.It may not seem to work but the failure rate is very less in the end.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008):

When I meant he is from the 17th century I meant

1)He never forgets my birthday or our anniversary

2)Holds doors,pulls chairs(that sort of chivalry stuff)

3)Still can make my heart beat faster with a lovely smile and a wink

4)doesn't dress like a punk.wears mostly formals that I like

5)Does the chocolates,flowers thing and the other thing very well.

pvtguy just your wishful imagination.I am very happy.lol.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008):

Well you concentrate on her.;-).

I don't need an antidote.My husband is from the 17th century.LOL!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008):

Pvtguy try the chocolates and romance route.you will start getting sex.All the best!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008):

A compromise reached then.. It's easier to explain away dry humping than it is to explain away oral sex. No indication in this post that this young guy's girlfriend is willing to remove her clothes... So a compromise between me and you.

PLEASURING A WOMAN WITHOUT HAVING SEX

1. Foreplay, using fantasy, chocolates, massages, letters, text's, washing dishes, walks in the rain, the park, the autumn, treatments at the spa, kisses, holding hands, sweet words - All loved by women and involve no sex (sorry if I left some suggestions out) and please forget about the ice-bucket for now.

2. Dry humping - No sex, sexual activity, but can still lead to orgasm.

3. Oral sex - Which is sex. Be very careful as you can recieve and pass on a sexual disease and a girl who wishes to not have sex may become offended by this.

Hopefull that suits. Now you have a understanding about the levels of non-sexual, sexual acivities and the penalties that can result.

Can somebody let pvtguy out of the cupboard and take the ski masks and the handcuffs off. I know this is also non-sex sexual activity, but it's for adults and it may be too advanced for teenagers to understand.. Aunts and Uncles please behave...

Merry Xmas honeypie, you've been given lots of options including the sex-without-penetration ones. Choose wisely, or do them all. Hopefully we have helped your relationship to grow and develop in a safe way that will make your girlfriend believe your the best guy in the world...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008):

Miss.DiovanLestat! you said,

"A woman goes out ahd has oral sex with 500 men. She goes back to her husband and tells him not to worry, because oral sex aint sex right."

Well, if a woman goes out and dry humps 500 men and comes back to tell her husband it is not sex, he wont be happy about it either. And I do think if Clinton dry humped Lewinsky the results would still have been similar. Also you say when you were a teenager you were not interested in the sexual side of your relationship. We can assume that most teenagers are still like you though times are changing very fast. But here it seems obvious to me it is not the case with this girl. As I understand it, the OP is with some girl who wants sexual pleasure but she (or he or both) is not ready for intercourse. So I thought oral sex would be a great option becoz even many adults who have experienced all think oral sex is better than anything else. I have mentioned the risk of catching an STD in my post. Two things you have to agree with.. one still remains a virgin (physically) after oral sex... one cant get pregnant from oral sex. But I agree with your concern that they will be tempted to go all the way.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

"Would you be happy if your relationship with your BF has no sexual side but is full of chocolates and flowers?

When I was a teenager, that's exactly the kind of relationship I was happy with. Seeing as this is also a teenager looking to give his girlfriend pleasure without sex, I think that our suggestions are good. When I was a teenager, if anyone had offered me oral sex, well, let's just say that there was no-one stupid enough to come out with such things. His girlfriend maybe like me, she may take it as an insult if he offer's her oral sex. Everything we have suggested will definitely please her and give her pleasure, and with no-sex foreplay, there is no danger that she will get offended and try to dump him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

Dear Poster,

A girl/lady/woman comes across two kinds of guys

1)The guy who is interested in only sex.Thinks that chocolates and flowers,massages,margaritas and martinis are not foreplay.

2)The guy who is also interested in sex.But is intelligent enough to know that a way to achieve what he really wants is through her brain.

He does all the things WE suggested.Those kind of things leave us hot and bothered more than any other kind of foreplay.He has won us over emotionally.

The first guy I mentioned doesn't end up getting the girl not in the way that truly matters.Sex with out emotion and commitment is just animal sex.In my opinion it wouldn't be half the fun with out the sweet whispered nothings filled with emotion.

I hope some ladies do support me in saying Guy No.1 is easily forgotten.

But Guy No.2 is the sort of guy we like to boast about.As our brainy Diovan rightly said.

You are young.We hope you make the right choice.

Merry Christmas!!

P.S:Diovan loved that one.Bill Clinton couldn't wash it off saying Oral sex is not sex.Lewinsky "DIDN'T" wash it off.LOL.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

Oral sex is fine in it's place, but amongst younger adults, it gets boring and then they want to do other things, like have sexual intercourse instead.

When teenagers choose not to have sexual intercourse, the best thing I suggest is don't take off your clothes and then you won't even get the temptation to go further with the sex business...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

OK, John Doe, I'll bite...

A woman goes out ahd has oral sex with 500 men. She goes back to her husband and tells him not to worry, because oral sex aint sex right. I think Bill Clinton already tried that one and it really didn't wash... lol....

You can get a sexual disease from oral sex, one poor lady just recently made that mistake. Now I'm sure her husband is not gonna agree that giving a blow job to another guy is fine because it's not really sex anyhow....

All the things that have been suggested will turn on woman on and make her think nicely of a guy and make her hot and bothered. That's why it causes pleasure but no sex is involved. Dry humping is a better suggestion for a young man and his girlfriend who don't want to have sex at all. They get turned on and can go off and masturbate alone. Lots of sexual pleasure with no sex involved. Many of the things suggested here is foreplay and is more likely to turn on a woman, than just taking off her knickers and giving her oral sex. Oral sex and penetration are good, but there is more to sex than just that. You can orgasm through mouth on mouth kisses, or even caressing with clothes on if you know what you are doing....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

DiovanLestat :) your suggestions are fine but it doesnt answer the original question :P Your suggestions can be applied to a platonic friendship as well. But in a sexual relationship sex is the single most important thing. Lets not kid ourselves now. Would you be happy if your relationship with your BF has no sexual side but is full of chocolates and flowers? ;) Ok now about the oral sex thing. Oral sex is sex? It is debatable. It depends on the individual's view. Like.. some women consider their husbands watching porn is not cheating.. some consider it is cheating. Some women even let their men go to stripclubs when the relationship is not an open one. You cant lose ur virginity and you cant get pregnant by oral sex. So how is oral sex equal to intercourse? You can stretch that definition to any sexual activity and say they are all sex. So I think oral sex is an option when one wants to give his girl sexual pleasure without having sex.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

How old is the caller... 16-17 (overage)and in Britain...

mmmm.. yes pvtguy, the ice bucket is for Martini's and champagne.. yep, that's it.. nothing to do with ice-cubes at all.. Since he is underage for drinking, probably he should use coke or pepsi instead..... (Diovanlestat takes out Dear Cupid Manual and checks up on ice-cubes)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

Seems as if I was wrong.He happily stayed on as president after the Oral sex fiasco.They couldn't impeach him.

Thanks.May be I fell asleep after all.

But Oral Sex is SEX.He did face an impeachment because of it.He got acquitted.He did apologize to the nation.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

Dear caller,

See what we women mean about foreplay and men. We tell you what we really like, what gets us turned on, and John Doe comes here and starts talking about oral sex. Oral sex is sex, and yes it's nice, but our other suggestions are better, those are the things we remember for the rest of our lives. Those are the things that makes a guy a special person, who we love to boast to other women about.

Right, now where were we. What gives us girls pleasure without having sex? mmmmm... sexy texts, sexy telephone calls, sexy letters. Dose it count as sex if your on the telephone and enjoying yourself? mmmmmm... Phone sex, I don't think that counts.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

Oral sex is sex, the president and Monica did something in some room in the white house, but he continued being president and was never impeached...

Ah Bill those were the days, now if he had come to Dear Cupid with his problems, we would have helped him out. Naughty, naughty man....

PS: Can you believe she kept the stained dress, what kind of woman dose that???? Not very domestic is she?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (24 December 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntOh, I know about Monica and the blue dress. But he didn't have to step down as president.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

I am the anonymous again.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_did_not_have_sexual_relations_with_that_woman

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (24 December 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntWhich history books is the last poster reading? Or perhaps she fell asleep during the last days of 2000, right before the inaugural in January 2001?

Hope you didn't bet it all in Jeopardy, because you'd be going home empty handed! ;D

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

oral sex is sex.Bill Clinton stepped down from the presidency because of it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008):

Oh thank you guys for your replies. So after all I was right in understanding the question. Then I will try to help from what I have read (not something I have experienced first hand) OP.. first I must say you are a very considerate guy for wanting to pleasure your girl. Many girls complain that their guys only care about their own pleasure and dont make efforts to pleasure them. Your girlfriend would be lucky :) You need to ask the girl coz every girl will be different but if you dont wanna ask her for some reason here are a few ideas. Consensus has been that a good percentage of men and women think oral sex gives more pleasure than intercourse. There are girls who will tell you they wouldnt mind dating an impotent guy if he knows how to orally pleasure them. Then foreplay is important to most girls. They cant get off as easily as boys. So you would like to learn foreplay skills and oral sex skills. You can start with foreplay and then help her finish off with oral sex. You can also try mutual masturbation. Then there are a few girls who like giving oral sex more than receiving it (I remember one girl saying she can climax from just giving oral sex!!!) Even though pregnancy is not a risk in oral sex, STD's are. So you have to be careful. Hope this helped you. Good luck :)

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico + , writes (23 December 2008):

Danielepew agony auntWell, the post was about pleasuring a woman WITHOUT having sex. So, sorry: the other stud and me have decided to nail the closet doors. You will be the one without sex, pvtguy. No worries, we'll let you out in a while :-).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

We definitely need to thank AskOlderSis for putting you in the closet.Lots of quiet titters from here.

pvtguy thanks for being a good sport.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (22 December 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntJohnDoe, then you've missed our point here. We knew what he was asking, but he was answered by what we women find pleasurable... work it out! ;)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

I was thinking along the lines of the first female anonymous poster. I thought the question means "How to give sexual pleasure to a girl without having intercourse?" How you guys figured out it is not the case? lol

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

Hold her hands,look into her eyes,put on some slow romantic music. Eyes ll say da rest. And just get lost into her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

How about walking in the rain under the same umbrella?She wants to make sure that you do not get wet.So the umbrella tilts in your side.

You want to make sure that she doesn't get wet.The umbrella tilts in her side.

In the end both of you get wet.Then you guys who look like wet rats go and have ice cream in the road side vendor's ice cream shop while cuddling under the same umbrella.

Lots of fun!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

Hey, I'm beginning to like this guy more and more... females, girls, ladies, women.. yep we got all types here...Walks in the park.. now that's a loving way to spend a day without sex.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (22 December 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntAhhhh once again I'm not invited, why do men treat me like dirt, I didn't do anything but try and he just left me like I was nothing but he now has a girlfriend and he is so nice to her an treats her like a queen why are men such animals...oops wrong post

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

Have a look at this post.

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-he-in-love-with-me-.html

The guy hasn't even held her hand.He has made the girl fall in love with him.How romantic is that.Sigh!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i'm glad (if slightly suprised) that this has struck such a note with all the females (is that a weird word to use here? females? would girls have been better? or ladies...... now i've just confused myself lol). anyway thank you all for your great advice so far, even if some of it is slightly obscure to me but hey! thats why i asked you. it's been great hearing what you've had to say please keep it comeing plz. thank you x =]

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

These are a few lines that would make her go around with a grin for the entire day.

"Honey,have you lost weight?"

You meet up with her to take her out.She is standing.You act as if you don't notice her.Let your eyes roam around.On anywhere but her.When she gets confused,hit the right note.

"I only see an angel.Where is the girl I need to take out?".Watch her melt right before your eyes.

This is one of my personal favorites.Keep your face dead serious for this one.It took me a few minutes to realize that this is a compliment.When my dumb brain realized its a compliment,I floated the entire evening on clouds.

"I don't share.Just say NO to any guy who may ask you out this evening".

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (22 December 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntSome massage oil and an ice bucket.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico + , writes (22 December 2008):

Danielepew agony auntMm... Get her another stud?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

Windows opening ladies..... thanks Askoldersis.....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

I know why this question is so great, and thank you again dear caller. These are all the elements of foreplay we ladies love to receive, but sometimes go lacking in many relationship. Sometimes things are so concentrated on sex that good old fashioned flirtation and romance sometimes go out the window....

And as for watching a man cooking and washing dishes......... You should all try it some day.. don't knock until you've tried it.. lol

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

This is a great question, I think you've fired many a woman's imagination. Dishes, did somebody say dishes. A guy standing washing dishes always brings a smile to my face, especially if you get to sit down and watch... mmmmmmmm

A man cooking is also a very nice thing to watch, especially if he's taken the time to learn to cook and the meal is not poisonous.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (22 December 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntOooh oooh, I've got another one!

Tell her she looks beautiful even with no makeup on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

Great question! Anything thoughtful you do without expecting sex later- will get you a place in her heart...abstinence makes the heart grow fonder... ;)

(I like the italian charm bracelets. I like to get a new charm for special memories in my life.)

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A female reader, baybee-x-sparkii United Kingdom +, writes (22 December 2008):

baybee-x-sparkii agony auntchocolates, neck massages, and sweet good night texts work a treat (:

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

Or not do anything to apologize profusely for.Ha Ha Ha.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (22 December 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntA box of fine chocolates, a foot rub and you do the dishes.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

A head, neck and foot massage... free, easy, and very, very relaxing... Or if you have money, a new laptop is always nice

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

A gift certificate for chocolates and ice creams?How does that sound?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008):

I too have not had sex, but my fantasies do not involve intercourse. They are completely centered around dry humping!! Yes I just want a guy to play with my breasts ( this is optional ) kiss me to the point tnat I see stars ( this is mandatory ) and rub up on me till the point that I can't breathe, where I'm begging for him to enter me and he doesn't I just scream his name.

The best part about this is that we're both 100% completely dressed. Have her wear a miniskirt for ultimate pleasure. You can't see anything, but she can feel everything.

Im getting horny just thinking about it!!!

Good luck in all of your conquests!!!!

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