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How to keep him guessing.

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Article - (21 October 2010) 13 Comments - (Newest, 6 November 2010)
A female United States age 18-21, Kat_M_2011 writes:

Girls, you know how guys say we're complex? Good news for you, they love it. Mystery is what turns a guy on the most. It's like a puzzle a game or a search, so how do you keep the search going when you are in a relationship with him?

1. During the dating process, keep intimate details secret. If he asks say how far you've gone with someone, ask him how far does he think you've gone. Play it smooth. If he gets too deep too fast, respond to his inquiry with a question of your own, flirty or rhetorical.

2. Keep your Distance. I probably just lost you there. Say after an amazing first date, you see him at school the next day. Give him a look, and keep walking, don't talk to him right away, he will wonder what is going on and approach you about it, which is where the pursuit continues. Give him space and he will try to break the space, tease him a little bit too ladies.

3. If he isn't your boyfriend, chat up other guys. Guys enjoy competition, and a good game of cat and mouse. If he thinks he could lose you to another guy, then he will up his game.

4. If you are in a relationship with him...

Don't give too much away too fast. Words. Details. Actions. Physical activity. Keep it light and fun. Play coy and be you.

5. BE YOURSELF :)

View related questions: flirt

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (6 November 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntFor Reader Anon,

At 25 years old married and with a vast dating experience to back it all up, I do know quite a few things about boy/men. I don't know it all but I pay close attention to know enough. So at Kat's age range, it couldn't hurt for her to take a few pointers from the older ladies, who have been there done that as well as yourself.

You want to have mystery about you, that's why you don't jump in the sack right away. High school boys don't have the mental capacity to pick up on signals or try to crack the code..they're too concerned about going home to play their Xboxs or whatever underage party they're going to that weekend. They can't read into these subliminal, hinting messages girls are trying to send them. So what age are they looking for the right girl, well their attention span is a little short in their teens so last fast forward to their 20s..Although there are some high school romances that do work out, very few. Now college/uni guys, they're again interested in partying, a lot more women at their fingertips, and they're still playing Halo on Xbox. Some have a serious girlfriend, that they want to marry when they graduate..others are ready to establish their career then a wife. At this point the games have ceased, you're way too busy with college and the real world to have time for that shit. There's no keeping them guessing, them hanging on your every word, the more straight forward you are the better.

So my point is cut the crap in the beginning. Yeah, guys like a chase but they're not wanting to run a marathon.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010):

Point 3? Some guys who have been done wrong so many times dont chase girls because they think they are all the same & dont bother chasing. BUT . . with that been said dont throw yourself out there thogh : )

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010):

Tennisstar88, you are the one who needs to learn about boys/men! Kat knows exactly what she is talking about when she was talking aboutbeing a mystery . . But I do agree on one thing you said which is how you said " You're playing games, guys especially at that age and when you get older..don't pick up on games or signals and don't know how to play back, thus getting annoyed then give up. " That is true. That true because at that age there to old for games/mysteries. By that age there looking for " Mrs. Right " Or a real relationship. & The age at which that happens or they relize that varys in age!

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (26 October 2010):

Odds agony aunt@ SeeingStars

There's a difference between being a frustrating flake and being a worthy challenge.

Being a challenge means keeping up your end of the witty banter, without putting him down or leaving him to carry the entire conversation. Not giving everything up all at once, whether it's sex or your mind, but not holding out on him either.

Keep your dates, and make time for him, but don't cancel on friends for him. Set dates a few days ahead of time to let anticipation build up. Dare him to do something new with you, but be willing to go along when he has an idea.

The goal is to get the other person thinking about you, whatever your gender. Mind games will work, to some extent, if you're attractive enough or if they're desperate enough. But they're not satisfying.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (25 October 2010):

dirtball agony auntSeeingStars, the difference is that the article is about getting a guy, not keeping him. I think that everyone gets bored once and a while, still, I prefer that my partner not play manipulative games. I would much rather her tell me she's getting bored and we can find something to spice things up. Maybe a trip, exploring a fantasy, or whatever the case may be.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010):

Hmm...from reading the comments already here, it seems that people tend to disagree with the concept of playing games to keep a guy interested. Unfortunately, I have to say that when I try to be "normal" in a relationship, open, honest, available to contact but not clingy, etc...guys seem to lose interest. But when I pull away and act disinterested, make myself eternally "too busy", and the guy starts to think he may lose me...they seem to suddenly regain their interest, and they are all over me again.

I hate mind games, but I sometimes wonder if it is something you just have to do with guys. Maybe guys don't like women to be straight-forward and open. This makes me feel sad to think games might be necessary. Or maybe I have just always met the wrong kind of guys? :-S I have some hope though after reading some of the feedback. :-)

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (23 October 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntOh Kat, my dear. You have much to learn about boys, men when you get older. But I do like your cute article, let me give you some advice..what I have learned thus far.

1. You don't want to come across as a slut, making him think he's going to get his kicks soon. Now if he is one of those, abandon ship. So at your age keep those secrets in the bedroom and simply state "Now, that's not appropriate conversation for our first date, now is it?" He wants a girl he can bring home to mom, not one he can't let out of the bedroom. If he persists, then he is one of those guys who want to go all the way especially when you haven't..if you get involved he will push you way too fast, take your virginity and run. At that age my daddy gave me the "Guys only want what's between your legs" talk. Ask your father, he's wise.

2. You're playing games, guys especially at that age and when you get older..don't pick up on games or signals and don't know how to play back, thus getting annoyed then give up. After a first date, he has a window of 3 days to call or text you..If he does right after, then he's had a great date and wants to get to know you better. Now, if he approaches you in school by all means flirt away. It's when you run or purposely ignore him, is when he thinks you didn't like the date and aren't into him. Beware, your games will backfire on you. Don't come off as a tease, you make guys think you will do more but when it comes down to it you don't, it was all an act. Nothing worse than a cock tease. Now teasing as in joking, poking a little fun is permitted, that falls in the category of flirting.

3. Only if he likes you will he notice you are chatting up other guys, then he will think you possibly like someone else and he's not in the running. Or that you're a flirty little girl who craves constant attention thus getting classified as high maintenance. Don't fall into that category, guys your age can't stand high maintenance girls.

I will tell you a little secret, if you got a guy who has burned you but now wants you back..there's no bigger kicker than flirting with his enemy in front of him. Then word is out that you're dating his enemy...by that time you're over the ex and revenge never tasted so good.

4. and 5. Don't come across in the beginning as someone you're not just to try to rope the guy in. Don't do anything sexual right away, wait till you're of age of legal consent, or when you are absolutely comfortable. Guys who think they deserve your virginity, don't. It takes time to get to really get to know who someone really is. Don't say "I love you" right away, at your age range your young and have yet to really experience it, so save those words for when you mean them. Don't talk about the future with them, they most likely won't be in it plus that kind of talk freaks them out. Be straight forward, don't beat around that bush. "I like you." that simple.

I give up snaps for your post..It's when you don't try that hard, is when you get the guy.

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A male reader, Atar Snowpaw United States +, writes (23 October 2010):

complete and utter bull.

1) i hate puzzles.

2) i hate mind games.

3) i would rather go 'shopping' (not many guys enjoy it and i'm no exeption.) before i'd enjoy cat and mouse.

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (22 October 2010):

Odds agony aunt1, 2, and 3 will definitely scare away any long-term relationship guys. So if that's what you're going for, have fun in the hookup scene.

1. It's rude for a guy to ask too early, so tell him so. If you make him guess, he'll assume the farthest you've gone was an orgy in Tijuana.

2. If you enjoyed the date, and then ignore him when you see him at random the next day, he will assume you were bored, and stop calling. Correct thing to do is big smile, big hug, a couple of words, then move on (takes about 30 seconds).

3. Do not make him compete with other guys. It makes him question how loyal you will be. Dating multiple people at once is skeezy no matter your gender.

4 and 5 are solid.

Ever notice that the girls who do this, who guys chase, are always incredibly hot? That's because the average-looking girls who try this nonsense end up single. We'll only put up with it for the 8+ crowd, and then only grudgingly.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

I have major problems with number 3..

Guys enjoy competition- when it comes to sports, yeh absolutely- because its enjoyable.

Guys enjoy a good game of cat and mouse- Enjoy??? No, The chase is not fun for many guys, its frustrating and it gets old very quickly. The chase is out of necessity- not enjoyment... any enjoyment gained is in the end "reward", (relationship, sex, attractiveness of the girl etc.) I may up my game to a point depending on how much I want the "reward", but honestly I'm more likely to move on and look elsewhere if a girl starts chatting up other guys and plays hard to get- that's just sending guys mixed messages. Do you think its a coincidence that lots of guys go for "easy" girls?

Ain't no chase there... funny that..

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A male reader, suitcase Sri Lanka +, writes (22 October 2010):

suitcase agony auntnice dirt ball

but this are the stuff girls normally follow,,

like it or not

guys fall for those tricks

;)

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (21 October 2010):

dirtball agony auntI'm going to have to disagree with this. I hate that crap. I do agree with points 4 and 5. The rest is a huge turn OFF to me. Maybe I'm weird, but I'm sick of those games. When I sense a game player I'm done.

Really, I'm just looking for someone genuine who I can connect with. I don't get any thrill out of the hunt. In fact, I despise it.

I don't enjoy feeling like I constantly have to prove I'm the best choice. To me, seeing a girl chatting up every other boy just makes her look like a social creature who has little interest in me. It also makes me wonder if she was even interested in me at all and I'll be likely to assume she isn't.

I don't agree with keeping secrets either. It is absolutely true that some info is best left unsaid. It is also true that people can ask questions that are beyond the scope of the current relationship. Instead of playing games with it, I would much prefer if someone would tell me they aren't comfortable enough in our relationship to share something so personal.

That isn't to say this won't work for some men, but I wanted to point out that this type of behavior is likely to be a huge turn off for some as well. Depending on the type of guy you're going for, you may want to consider a different approach.

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A male reader, suitcase Sri Lanka +, writes (21 October 2010):

suitcase agony auntahhhhhhhhhhhha kat????

what the hack??

who told u these GUYS ONLY SECRETS huuuh????

hay guys do something about this

we're doomed

please mention the sex factor will you

6.they realy love sex,,,but don't give too much and don't keep him waiting

deffa one kat

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