A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband got this bad habit even before we were married. He's playful around women especially the ones he knew. Whenever he saw any female he knew he talked with them making them laugh he completely forgot I'm standing next to him. One time I walked off went to the bathroom (mall) come back he's still there talking. He did not even realized I was gone. We took our kids to go visit his dad and step mom and there was a teenage girl there 14 years old we never seen before (niece of his step mom). He started making fun of her when only us in the house, I can tell she was uncomfortable so I called him to come change our son's diaper. He was so focussed on this girl that he was not able to hear me screaming at him. He finally panicked when the girl looked at me and walked off. Last Christmas we went to his grandmother's house and there was a girl there my age we don't know (friend of his cousin) as soon he saw her he approached her and start asking questions. I watched him the whole night ignoring me while talking to this girl. If he comes talk to me it's going to be “You need anything?"He went back and talk to her, his whole freaking family was there it was so hard for me to keep my calm. Please help, should we go see a marriage counsellor?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2016): Sorry, but your husband is an idiot!
I would not put up with his behaviour.
He should have a lot more respect for his WIFE and her feelings. Not his little ego trip to feed his insecure little boy of a self.
Pathetic.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 August 2016):
 But he is not supposed to stand next to you- at least if there's a lot of people. Have you ever noticed how at formal dinners ( by which, I don't mean a dinner at Buckingham Palace !, just a wedding or christening or birthday party- anything where's more than 20 people , and a prearranged seating plan ) husbands and wives are always kept apart ? They do not sit next to each other- the assumption being that they have got plenty of time to talk and chat at home, on their own, while now they are supposed to help the host entertaining and making the occasion a success, by branching out and engaging OTHER people in conversation.
Ditto if it's a party or a dance . Unless you are honeymooners, or a couple of lovesick teenagers, it would be not very polite of you , and a bit awkward, just staying glued to each other and talking to each other as if you were in your own living room.
He goes to talk to other people, ladies included ,- and you go to talk to other people, gentlemen included. You mingle ; that's what parties are for : at least, anything a bit more structured than having delivery pizza with your in-laws goes like this.
Of course it depends. He is not even supposed to pointedly ignore you on purpose. But it does not sound as this is what he does. He comes back every now and then to talk to you and ask if you need anything .
That's for social occasions. When there's just the two of you.... first of all, let me understand: are you accusing your husband of being a sort of pedophile ? Of chatting up with questionable intents a FOURTEEN years old kid ? Do you really believe he'd be that type of guy ? Then,... you 've got way more problems on your hands than him not talking to you , and I would not even bother with the marriage counseling !
I think that, as often is the case, the best way is the middle way- you both can adjust a bit and meet halfway, and your problem would be solved.
Meaning, yes, he is a social butterfly, and maybe a bit of a flirt. You knew that and you took him anyway. It is a habit, not necessarily a bad habit, ( I guess it's a matter of tastes, personally I'd prefer a social guy who is at ease with women and loves to make them laugh - a charmer :)- than some drab dull social misfit which I have to take under my wing and keep stuck to my ribs all night : but that's just me ... ) anyway it's his habit and if, all in all, he is a good husband and father , hey, nobody is perfect, he's got this flaw of being a bit of an attention seeker.
You ,on the other hand , do sound rather territorial and insecure - a bit of a guard dog, like Wise OwlE says.
Not a brilliant combination of personality traits, but, you can meet half way.
Start by being less snarling and protective of him in public settings, give him breathing space. Let him do his thing, and you talk, dance, laugh and have fun anyway with all the guests.
But, do tell him that some times his flirtatious ways and social butterfly attitude become too much and makes you feel neglected and uncomfortable.He does not need to be your lap dog, but he needs to balance his attentions and his interests between the new faces and you, his loyal wife.
Surely he can mingle with people and have a laugh, and then come back every now and then to touch base with you ?
Or, involve you in conversations if you happen to be right there ?... I am sure it's a reasonable request and you can work a compromise out.
( But - remember, when I say " you happen to be there " I mean it literally, as in , it turns out by chance, that you end up next to each other... not that you have been hatching him all night long like a hen with her only egg ! )
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2016): I do understand your feelings. If my husband or boyfriend spent the WHOLE night chatting to a woman he had never met before and not talking to me at all, I'd be upset. If he mingled in a casual way talking to lots of people and not talking to me, that wouldn't bother me, I'd just think that he was having a good time at the party. It's the fact that it was just one female that would bother me and I think your feelings are justified. He is being rude towards you and overly attentive to her. I know of a man who had an affair right under his wife's nose. He chatted a woman up while his wife was in the same room and over time, they got closer and he asked her out. They saw each other for over a year and they still mingled in the same social circle as his wife and carried on their affair right under her nose. So although Wise Owl says it's not possible, I'm afraid it is and probably happens quite a bit. I'm not saying that this is what your husband's doing, but knowing that this kind of thing does happen I would feel the same as you, if you feel he could be chatting her up. After all, you don't know what he's talking about with her. If you spent the whole evening talking to one man, would he be ok with that? I'm sorry, but the fact that he is so dismissive of you as in asking you if you want anything and that's all, sounds as if he's not into this marriage very much anymore. I don't know obviously but if my partner behaved like this towards me, I wouldn't feel loved at all. As I say, if he was chatting with lots of people, then fine. But as you describe it, I'd be uncomfortable. The fact that this upsets you so much and that you're now thinking about seeing a marriage counsellor, says to me that this isn't just a bit of social flirting that you're worried about, unless you are an extremely jealous person. I don't think that you can be because you went through a courtship with him behaving this way. I would ask him how he feels about you and your marriage. See where that conversation leads you. If he needs something that he's not getting and if you can provide it for him or provide it together, such as excitement or travel or more sex. Or different sex. You may not need a counsellor if he's open about his feelings. He may not want to respond honestly and if this behaviour continues and you are unhappy, then suggest a counsellor. But his behaviour will not change without you broaching the subject and I don't think you'll be able to just change the way you feel and ignore it and mingle at parties yourself. If you do, it will just be an act. Have the conversation first. Good luck. Remember too that getting out of a relationship that is making you unhappy if you can't find a solution, is a blessed relief :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2016): This post reminds me of a conversation I had at dinner with some close friends some months ago. You sound like a "territorial-wife." She's the woman who is constantly at her husband's side and assuming every approaching female wants him, or he wants her. She is so insecure about his affections and whether she is good enough for him, she is like a guard dog. Ready to bark and snarl the minute another female approaches. She will twist every look, every word, and every conversation about another woman into cheating, or the intent to cheat.
Why must you feel threatened by a 14 year-old girl? Why would you nearly accuse your husband of being verbally-abusive? Maybe the girl walked away and felt uncomfortable as she watched steam coming out of your ears. Being the "territorial-wife."
If your husband has a flirtatious personality, what on earth attracted you to someone like that? You don't seem to be able to handle it.
If you are present during all these encounters with women; what possibility is there for him to pick one up? You're always there. You don't include or offer any evidence of cheating. Just chatting, because he likes attention; and loves chatting up females. He didn't forget you were there. He's simply used to you being the way you are and just doesn't feel you have anything to worry about. He sounds outgoing and friendly. You are only concerned when his attentions are towards other females. I would be quick to speculate he is chatty to anyone lending an ear. Male or female. Who do you think these women think you are standing there with a baby, next to him?
If you learned to relax a bit. Enjoy yourself and simply be pleasant in situations that are harmless; you may enjoy yourself on occasion. You may rediscover this is what it is about his personality that attracted you in the first place.
If you feel neglected, underappreciated, or ignored; have you told him? If he's really mean, disrespectful, and a borderline pedophile; why are you still with him? He seems to make you miserable all the time. I'd see no reason to keep someone who makes me feel so badly.
He's not your property. Your looks and appeal are not threatened by every women in his eyesight. You have to learn to control your jealousy; so you can enjoy your marriage and family. Put the baby in his arms, and go enjoy yourself at parties and gatherings. You don't have to stand vigil and century over your husband when he's in the presence of other females.
If you have disappeared in his eyes as his wife. Rather than be territorial, consider a divorce. I doubt counseling will help, because your husband may require brainwashing or a complete behavior modification program. He's overly friendly and you hate it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 August 2016):
 I have to agree with YouWish
If it is in social setting that he mingles with family and friends I don't quite see the big deal, though "aggressively" teasing/chatting up a teenager who probably didn't want his attentions is creepy.
I'm NOT a hugely social person, but I do NOT expect my husband to sit by my side and no socialize when out.
I would take YouWish's advice and go talk to other people, ENJOY the get-togethers IGNORE him for a while.
I DO understand that it feels fake when he is ALL over every new women he meets. I think it's part of his personality. I don't think it's a "bad habit" I think he has ALWAYS been like that, you wither didn't see it till after marriage or you ignored it. He is a HUGE flirt. THIS is who he is. Either he is a guy who had trouble in the past getting women's attention OR this is ALL about his ego rub. There are guy who KNOWS most women will be polite and laugh at dumb jokes, where as MEN would be harder to have conversations with - so your husband stick to the women.
I say next gathering as soon as he walks off, find yourself someone to talk to, mingle, enjoy having OTHER adults than your husband to talk to for a little while. If you have a little one (child) with you, send the child over to dad or "drop the child off" in his arms and go mingle.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 August 2016):
 You might wish to forego the marriage counsellor.... save yourself a bunch of $$..... and go directly to a divorce attorney....
Hubby doesn't "sound" like much of a "catch" to me....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 August 2016):
 I don't understand. If you're talking about parties or get-togethers or family dinners, how are you so aware of who he's talking to, or how long he's talking to her? Is he ogling them? Is he dancing, or hugging, or she's sitting in his lap? Is he touching her hair or going off into rooms alone with a woman??
The reason I'm saying this is, usually when my husband and I get together with others, I hardly am aware of who he's talking to, because I'm mingling with other people, having conversations, chatting about stuff, small talk or shop talk, depending on why the get-together is happening in the first place. I talk to other men and women alike. When my son was a baby, I was really happy to talk to others besides my husband, because it put me back in contact with the world, and I wasn't talking either baby talk or going over grocery lists with my husband. Mingling with people is FUN!
When you and your husband are out, don't hover over him like a dog guarding a bone, hyperaware of who he's talking to and who's talking to him. It's one thing if something inappropriate is going on, but otherwise, go have fun yourself! Talk to others! Mingle! If you have a baby who needs changing, take turns changing him. Trust me, a cute baby's going to have more womens' attention than anything else happening! Your son was probably getting passed around or cuddled or cooed over until he fell fast asleep, I'm sure!
My point is - if you're having a blast chatting away with people, you're not going to care who your husband's talking to. Ignore HIM for crying out loud! You're with other people, and you two talk to each other all the time when you're NOT at get-togethers anyways! Talk to other guys! The opposite sex is not some cootie-filled poison gender, and as long as the conversation stays appropriate, what's the harm?? Unless your husband is a cheater, in which case you two should have been in marriage counseling for a long time, it's not off-limits to engage in small talk with other women. As long as he's not buying them drinks, going off dancing with them without your permission, or putting his arm around them, they're not in his lap, or touching each other flirtatiously, I highly doubt he's going to get inappropriate right where you can see him.
Go find other people and ignore HIM for a change. Talk to other men! Be playful and make THEM laugh! It goes both ways, and when the party's over, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you and your husband can chat with each other over all the juicy gossip you two picked up at the party.
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