A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This perhaps isn't so much a specific question as a debating point, but as it's bugging me...Sometimes I feel so old fashioned I feel as if I don't belong here. I believe in sex before marriage, having been in an LTR that died because of sexual incompatibility. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, but I find sex much more enjoyable when it's with someone you have a genuine connection with. Not necessarily love but certainly when it is more than just the act, when you have feelings for someone not just lust. I guess I think that level of intimacy with someone means more to me.Yet so many people seem to happily sleep around after one, two or three dates and I find that hard to accept. I was actually dumped by someone BECAUSE I didn't sleep with her on the third date. I explained that while I was hugely attracted to her, I'm not the kind to jump into bed so soon. I actually have more respect for someone and becoming intimate is a big deal for me. I have friends who sleep around like mad and I accept them for that because they have always been that way, but another friend has suddenly gone from being valued and principled to sleeping around and she's getting hurt and I've lost a huge amount of respect for her. I was stuck in a relationship with a partner who rarely wanted sex and am now single. Having not had sex for ages I would LOVE to have some fun but I just can't behave in that way. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jimjones  +, writes (6 July 2010):
just found out my girlfriend (27) of 1 year has had 30+ casual sex partners before meeting me... she can't even remember the number. I was absolutely shocked and broke it off with her even though I love her. she is extremely insecure, suffers depression.. but just wants "someone", not me.i had casual sex once before, in my youth, but since then only relationships.. call me old fashioned but i just don't agree with it.for you girls out there considering going down this path, i can not emphasise how much of a turn off it is thinking there have been 35 other guys inside her, who she didn't even know their name... disgusting.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): The other posters have great points. In my opinion, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing; you should do what you think is right.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Lots of guys would happily operate like this if we actually observed women favoring it in the real world.
Most women claim to like guys for not being into casual sex. But where is the action backing it up? When's the last time any of these women actually turned down a guy because of his sexual history?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Will you marry me? :)I am the exact same way as you are. I can't seem to bring myself to have casual sex. It seems everyone my age (30) has been with a lot of people (A LOT)....and sometimes I feel like I missed out on something, and wonder if I should go have some one night stands just to see what all the hype is about. I know that if I did I would feel guily and disappointed in myself.I find that guys respect me a lot more knowing that I won't just sleep with anyone, and it weeds out the guys who just want sex, so there are benefits to it.Just be true to yourself and don't change to meet society's expectations...you may regret it if you did. Just rememeber that there are more people like us out there :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAunty Em - I would never dictate to my friends. In this instance, she's just changed so much and I see her getting hurt so it hurts me too. Our friendship hasn't ended, I just can't believe she's suddenly done a complete about face on what she has always felt and believed in.
Anonymous - I find women always SAY that but despite that, the bad boys get the girls more times than not. They don't last, necessarily. But it does seem that decent, respectful guys finish last these days.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 July 2010):
 Well the whole idea of having morals and principles is so that you can live by them and hopefully find someone else who shares the same ideas.
Of course we live in a very sexually open society these days and people care less and less about sex after marriage and fidelity...but there are still people who, like yourself, prefer to adhere to the 'rules' if you like!
Your friend who changed her view and started sleeping around...well I guess it's her life. If you stood in judgement over her actions then thats probably why the friendship ended...but ultimately, people will do whats right for them.
Maybe try to be a little more relaxed about your morals. Probably not a great idea to dictate to others' how you are with your principles an all' because some might see that as an attack on their own views.
You might just have to wait for the right girl to come along. Try Internet dating where you can state on a profile how you feel...then only girls with the same opinion might contact you.
Best of Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): If only there were more men like you in this world! You are the type of guy most women are hoping to meet.
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