A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Im 18 years old and a British-born Indian and hes 20 years old and a British-born Jamaican. We've been casually dating for a little over a month and things are starting to get a little serious as time goes on.The question is, how do I tell my mum if it gets to the 'relationship' stage. I know my mother VERY well and she will not approve, not because she's a racist, as she has black friends and she was born and brought up in Africa, but the fact that she is very traditional and stubborn when it comes to her own views and opinion. She accepts all my friends which are mainly black, but she said its different with a relationship and she doesnt want me dating outside my race.I dont appreciate her views obviously, because i am not one to stereotype but she doesnt really know much out of our culture and she prefers me to stick to my own race but I dont believe the same things she believes in.I have tried talking to her about this because this isnt the first time i've dated a guy out of my race, I didnt tell her about him though because it didnt reach any serious stage for me to bring him home to her.When i did try talking to her she was extremely stubborn and i could sense that our views clashed and an argument was going to break out so i just stopped and left it and havent mentioned it since.Another thing ive noticed is people surely do not approve of me and him being together.Every time i go out i always get people staring at me and him.Especially indian girls/guys, indian adults, black girls/boys, black adults.And i receive dirty looks from the black girls my age, anywhere I go.I dont really tend to let things get to me, so i usually just laugh it off in my head but its starting to annoy me sometimes because i'm simply minding my own business and spending time with the guy I like, yet people have to make snide remarks or stare and give disapproving looks when its not their business.Any advice on what I can do on the two things ive mentioned above? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 IGNORE ALL OF THEM.
I've been in interracial relationships,and everything u described has happened to me but I put it behind me.
My mother wasnt very approving in the beggining until two things happened.
1) She understood she can trust me with men.
2) I dated a guy of my race that she realllllyyy liked (i liked him too) who turned out to be a douchebag! since then,she started approving my choices more.
all in all,i dont care for what people have to say.thats wat u need to do,otherwise ur insecurities (wanting approval this bad is a sign of insecurity) will ruin your relationship.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 You do not have to deal with your mother's prejudice. He is dating YOU, not your mother. As long as you do not mind, what power does your mother have over your heart and your relationships? Is she going to try and force those emotions out of you?
Date him and let your mother know that you are going to date him and she is just going to have to accept it. You cannot control who your heart yearns for. Your mother has even less control over that.
I hope that helps.
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