A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has serious only child syndrome and I dont know how to deal with it. It is starting to really irritate me. He often makes me feel like everything is on his terms, e.g. when we see each other, what we do, what movies we see, what games we play. He isn't really controlling. He just immaturely assumes everything goes his way because he isn't used to someone saying otherwise.. If I suggest something, he will go with my ideas, but he usually falls back into wanting to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. He just is a little immature and a little selfish. If he doesn't like something, then it is stupid and sometimes it makes me feel like he doesn't care about my interests. He doesn't always ask what I think or feel. I can just tell it is from always being by himself. He just hasn't had a lot of interaction. Can this be fixed? How do I talk to him? He just doesn't get the balance of a relationship or how it is about sharing and reciprocation.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): Hey, my boyfriend is like this too so I can totally relate. I've been with him for 2 years and what I've learned to do is simply ignore it and when plans are changed or cancelled or whatever because of his preferences, I call him out on it, I don't stay silent. My boyfriend is spoiled by his parents so he's used to everything being brought up to his nose on a silver platter. Like your bf, if mine doesn't like something then its the final decision and nothing I say can change his mind. It's childish and stubborn behavior but if you ignore it and stand your ground, you will be amazed at how quickly he will grow and snap out of it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice everyone. I guess I will just spend some time talking to him a bit and trying to work with him. However, I won't be holding my breath for any major changes anytime soon.To the first poster: it isn't a legitimate condition or something, lol. I've just heard many people over the years refer to children who are only children as this. Since they spend great quantities of alone time, they become accustomed to things always going their way and being about them. So, they become a little selfish. It doesn't apply to everyone who is an only child, surely. But it makes sense to me that it can happen.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 August 2011):
 I have no idea how to cure someone from being selfish and egocentric. Unfortunately I don't think he'll ever change, or it will take him the net 20 years to change (as it took him 20 years to get to where he is today). People don't change.
The problem here is also that, whatever reason behind it (lone child or not), he appears to have a problem including you into his thoughts. He doesn't think like a man in a relationship, he thinks of himself as an entity, and then you as another entity. When in a relationship you can't think like that, you can't think "me me me". Not if you want a lasting relationship. In a good relationship you set your mind from "single" to "in a relationship" which means you give a lot more from yourself, think of your partner, and do what is best for the relationship. What is best for the relationship isn't his way, or your way, but maybe an entirely different way altogether. I don't think he'll be able to understand this, or see this, and a relationship with him will be his way or the highway.
Good luck. Maybe talk to him and point it out, but in the end you can't change someone even for their own good, and you can't make them see what they don't understand or have the eyes to see. If he's not used to sharing and thinking of others, then... don't think he will learn how to in the nearest future.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (19 August 2011):
 You need to be honest but polite to him and share your worries. Tell him that you feel like your relationship is starting to become one-sided and you'd like to take turns picking what to do, to be fair.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): What the hell is only child syndrome? I've never heard of it, and I'm on only child. Why do we need to come up with some psycho babble nonsense to explain away that he is just a bit selfish and immature and if he is the same age group as you (18-21) there's a strong likelihood he'll grow out of it.
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