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How to Confront a possible Cheating girlfriend?

Tagged as: Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 August 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 21 August 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, *syevo writes:

I’ve being dating with this girl for 3-4 months now, things are going very smoothly. However, recently I found out something suspicious. A week ago I found an email address she uses, which contains Eric.(her name)@livedotcom. I became paranoid. I did not confront her about this, so I did my own little investigation (went through her other email accounts, looking at her sms). I found several emails that were dated 8 months ago. The guy calls her “sweetie” “babe.” There were two itineraries to Las Vegas, and New York. Nothing recent while we’re dating though.

However, I did found the same guy on her cell phone recent (3 weeks ago) sms record. He said “99 sweetie.” My girlfriend replied “thank you eric, you too have a great night.” I remembered she didn’t pick up my phone until midnight that night and we had a little argument about she thinks I don’t know how to “handle her.”

I did some background about this guy since I know his last name. he is 52yrs old, while my girlfriend is 28, and I’m 24. He is a business owner etc. He lives like 20 minutes away from my girlfriend.

I asked her about the email Eric.(mygf name)livedotcom, she simply lied and said it was her ex from 4-5 years ago in a different country.

I snooped her phone, but I want to confront her. However, I recalled she said if you ever snoop my private account such as cellphone, emails, we're done.

How do I possibility confront her about this without letting her know that I snooped her phone?

View related questions: her ex

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010):

I don't really have an answer to your initial question but I just want to say my peace. I think you did nothing wrong. She is obviously cheating on you. Yes you snooped, but how else would people find out about cheating partners? You seem like a nice guy and deserve better. Leave her and move on. Your trust for her is gone and once its gone its really hard to get back.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010):

you can't have a relationship with someone you don't trust.

it appears that she trusts you, since you have access to her sms records and email accounts?


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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010):

Seriously, if I found out you were snooping through my stuff, I would peace you out right then and there. That is out of control. You are acting creepy. Unacceptable! And your gf certainly doesn't deserve this. You are making assumptions and you have NO right going through her stuff. Your paranoia's appear to be based on your own issues and not on any evidence you are trying to find or think you have uncovered.

If you said she is no longer returning your calls, or she is all of a sudden unavailable on the weekends, or she is acting aloof, then perhaps you could be concerned. Even then that STILL would not give you the right to go through her personal belongings.

But without any reason you are trying to find something and all your going to find yourself is a boot in the butt, a big peace out.

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A female reader, metchemimi20 United States +, writes (20 August 2010):

metchemimi20 agony auntI honestly think you should leave it alone for a while until you actually find something that makes solid SENSE of her cheating.

Meaning this Eric guy, is past and you didnt find anything of him saying sweet things to her on her texts that make it seem like they daily communicate. Just take it calm, and wait. From what you said, I don't think she's cheating. But you never know.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (20 August 2010):

TimmD agony auntDon't. Other then this e-mail address, has she given you any reason not to trust her? If not, then LEAVE IT ALONE. You are being paranoid. She's already said if you snoop in her private stuff, you two are done... which means she already thinks you are paranoid. You've been going out for 3-4 months which is still early in a relationship. Things carry over from before you two met. Could she be cheating? Possible. But she also may NOT be cheating, so until you have some solid proof without snooping... FORGET ABOUT IT.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (20 August 2010):

janniepeg agony auntThere is an overlap between the two relationships. You just started a relationship with her while she's probably ending it with the old guy. The old guy knows he's not going to keep a young woman for long but would still appreciate it if she replies his messages. Don't snoop her phone again. She must have a reason to stay in touch with him. For money? For business connections? Ask her about the relationship with her ex, how they broke up, are they still friends? Also, I am not sure if you can call each other boyfriends/girlfriends yet, so you probably are not in a position to confront her. Ask her about what she thinks of you, what she likes about you. If she treats you like a boyfriend she won't mind telling her story. If she's hiding her details it means either this relationship is still too new, or she's not honest with you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010):

Obviously, she has been doing something behind your back. If she wouldn't have to worry about it if she didn't do anything and why would she lie to you?

you could do something that will make her suspicious of you without actually doing anything but make it seem like it so that way she will know how it feels.


You could just move on. Try to find someone else first though and make sure they will date you before you break up with your current gf.

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