A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,there's this guy that i've been on-and-off with for a little over a year now; for security purposes, we'll just call him brantley. he's twenty-one, and i'm twenty. we are currently not officially back together, but we're definitely working on things. then, there's this girl that we'll call tatum; she's fifteen, and she lives a few hours away from brantley and me. she and brantley were really close when they were kids; his parents are basically her godparents, and the two of them were raised to think of each other as siblings. throughout the years, they drifted apart--with the age and gender differences, it was pretty much bound to happen. she moved to arkansas, and they lost touch even more after that. he graduated in 2009, and she confessed that upon receiving his graduation invitation, she didn't even know who he was.about two months ago, the two of them became friends on facebook...and then, she proceeded to pretty much blow up his facebook. it seemed like she was always posting stuff on his wall or tagging him in posts about how much she missed him or liking his statuses and pictures and things like that. they also started texting a lot as well. this has continued ever since then. during each conversation, they refer to one another strictly as brother and sister.tatum came to spend the weekend with him and his family on memorial day weekend, and he invited me to come and meet her. i was a little wary of her after seeing all of her activity on his facebook, but i agreed. despite what i had been expecting, i actually had a pretty good time; she's a sweet girl, and i enjoyed hanging out and getting to know her (plus, there were a few times when she put brantley in his place and let him know that she wasn't going to take any crap from him...which i really enjoyed for some reason). at the same time, though, she also struck me as really annoying. brantley and i are finally getting to spend the weekends together, and that's really the only time that we have to devote toward each other and making our relationship work out because of our work schedules (i work nearly all day, and he works nearly all night). during the weekend that tatum spent with him, he was off work the entire weekend. the only time that i got to spend with him was saturday; since he gave up his bed to her and was sleeping on the couch, i was not able to stay at his house the way that i had been doing in the weeks leading up to that weekend. the rest of the weekend, i barely heard from him because he was so busy with her.brantley, his family, some friends, and i are all heading to the beach later today; we're going to be there until monday. i got on facebook today and discovered that tatum and her mother are driving there tomorrow, which brantley has not mentioned to me (he told me ahead of time when she came on memorial day weekend). i'm glad that he's going to get to spend more time with her, because i know that they don't get to see each other very much, and i can tell that they really mean a lot to each other. at the same time, though, i really don't want her stealing away all of his attention again. i'm pretty sure that she won't be there for the entire weekend, but still...i don't want to lose any time that brantley and i could be spending on our own.i am also wondering if tatum is someone that i should view as a threat to ever being able to restore my relationship with brantley. i have expressed my concern to my mother and my best friend, who agree with me that it does seem a little bit odd for her to be posting all over his facebook and blowing up his cell phone so frequently. i'm worried that she may be lying about seeing him as a "brother" and actually be infatuated with him. i really don't know why this bugs me so much, because i'm about 99.999 percent sure that nothing would ever happen between the two of them; brantley knows better than to be twenty-one years old and trying to be romantically involved with a fifteen-year-old. still, though...i feel like her behavior is a little too obsessive to be normal (i'm not even that obsessive about brantley, nor am i that obsessive about my two half-brothers).my mom has encouraged me to talk to brantley about how tatum being around makes me feel left out and how i want to make sure that the two of us are able to spend some one-on-one time while on vacation. and it's not just during this weekend--i'm sure that it's only a matter of time before tatum comes to stay with him again, and i'm sure that if it goes the way that it did on memorial day weekend, i will end up feeling really left out and ignored all over again. do you think that i should take to him? and if so, how am i supposed to tell him how i feel without coming across as just an insensitive, overprotective female who is trying to control every aspect of his life?any help is greatly appreciated. ")
View related questions:
best friend, facebook, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (9 June 2012):
I just find it strange that you put the focus on the 15 year old rather than the 21 year old guy. She is 15 and might be infatuated with him, what do you expect? I hope you don't expect her to act like a 20yr old. In fact I know 20yr olds who act worse.
You should see for yourself if he makes any effort to be with you and spend time with you. I am sure he knows most of the things you are thinking anyway but is just experiencing it differently.
You might have to accept her as part of his life but he has to be the one who has to decide his time spending.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): If your not official then I think it will make you look jealous and controlling, which isn't going to help you get back with him. I do think your jealousy is getting the best of you. If your not official don't act like his girlfriend, even though that is what you want to be. At the moment your staying at his house on weekends, getting jealous over a 15 year old he sees as a sister, that is not the way to win him back, because he has everything without having to make the commitment to you. Sorry but I really don't think your going to get any benefit out of making an issue out of this, in fact I think it could back fire and you may end up losing whatever chance you have getting to be his girlfriend again.
...............................
|
