A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How old is too old. I'm 24 years old and get asked out alot by older men my last boyfriend was 32 and the one before that 34. My first real boyfriend was 27 and I was 17.I just like older men more. I really don't see that much of an age diffrence with someone in there 20's and 30's. But alot of people I meet and work with are like wow how old is the guy your seeing!it kind of upsets me. Anyway my aunt wanted to hook me up with a cop she knew but then changed her mind when she found out he was 44 and divorsed with 3 children and a health nut. She said he was too old. I was concerned with the recent divorce and health nut part! not his age. I mean I would not date someone like a grandpa but 44 is not that old is it? Is anyone else share my problem of being attracted to men older than them? How old do you think is too old for me? Thanks for any thoughts you can give.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): Acceptable is whatever your heart says it is. When my dad was 25, my mom was barely born yet. If she had listened to all the "advice" people gave her about dumping him...she would have missed out on creating the wonderful close family she did. In the end.. its all about family or companionship or both. My mom often jokes about how her marriage lasted decades while many of the biggest opposition to their relationship are on their 2nd and 3rd marriages. People said she will fall out of love with him when he got older. But she says the exact opposite happened. The longer you are with someone, the more you love them. Real Love---grows. Even if you didnt love the person at all in the beginning.. it can grow. Love is like ivy. It grows and wraps around a couple. So go with your heart. Humans are not numbers. They are hearts. I am late 20's and my girlfriend is 10 years younger but we get along beautifully. My last girlfriend was 1 year older than me but we couldnt get along at all. Go figure.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 The problem is, can you two make a relationship work.
A relationship consist of two people trying to co-exist as a unit. They can do this by being the same OR by complementing each others differences.
For instance, if both are health nuts then they can enjoy being health nuts together.
If one is a party animal and the other thinks a cup of tea is dangerously exciting they can perhaps make it work by the calm one slowing the excited one down and showing other ways to have fun and vice-versa.
When it comes to age, there are often differences. A 44 year old male instance with a 24 year old women will in ten years time have the woman in her sexual prime and the man... well quite often DEAD. Men die early.
Will people with 20 years between them want the same OR be able to make the differences WORK?
Not that I can blame you for your attraction to older men, we are a pretty wonderful bunch, modest too.
It depends why you are attracted to them, are they a replacement father figure or do you just desire a more mature partner then most 24 year old males can be?
If the two of you can make a relationship work then the age difference should not matter, but accept that a 20 year age gap basically will put together with a man who has already LIVED your life.
You mention that you didn't worry about the cops age but his divorce and being a health nut. That is exactly what I am talking about. He already LIVED a complete life, been married, has kids, can you then make it work when you are together with someone for who it will be the 2nd time he is in a marriage while for you it is all new. Your first kid, his fourth.
The health nut is the same, you are still young and thoughts of your own mortality are far away, he is watching his body decline day by day and is perhaps trying to stop it, trying to life forever, a futile attempt. For you the future is still filled with promise, for him the future just holds more and more things he can't do.
Perhaps you can make that work, that is up to you. I don't think there is a thing as to big an age gap, just that every relationship either has to make sure there are no gaps OR that the two can somehow bridge it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): When you're 24 I don't think it's anybody's right to tell you who to date.
It's a lot more of an issue when the girl is 15 and trying to rationalize that she's ready to date a 27yo man.
But if you are in one stage of life and he's in another one, that's going to be a real problem one way or another. It's not about calling your relationship morally wrong then, it's just about causing yourself practical problems down the road. Go too old and you're just setting yourself up for heartache in a few years when you're forced to end it because of unfixable life issues.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Eight to ten years' difference isn't much of a difference. There are people out there going with guys 28 years their senior! That means you'd be going with a 52-year-old guy. Nobody seems unhappy about it.
There's nothing to worry about. You're perfectly normal. Just don't go poaching other women's husbands.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): How old is too old is entirely up to you. You can't help who you're attracted to. I'm in my 50s, and I've dated women in their 20s who found me very attractive. I've been told there's a 31 year-old woman where I work who is very intersted in me. So no, 44 is not that old for a 24 year-old woman. Us older men have more to offer, are more stable and secure than guys in their 20s, who in a lot of cases are still growing up (a lot of them act like they're still teenagers). You're not the only young woman who likes older men. So don't worry about it if you like them. Believe me, they like you back, otherwise they would not be asking you out in the first place.
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