A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:MyHusband has lid to me repeatedly about porn. At the very beginning of our relationship I was clear that I was not interested in q relationship including pirn and he assurd me he shared my views . I find it demeaning , offensive , degrading and disrespectful to women and as a women's rights advocate my views were very strong which he knew .However , repeatedly I have found him with secret porn despite what he said. I already guessed he may have been using it when sex between us gradually became emotional and rough. He became a pathetic lover , only worried about his satisfactionI am not willing to leave this marriage , at least not yet as financially it is not viable and we have you g children .How we I am considering taking a lover to fulfil my sexual and emotional needs, which myHusbanf no longer does. I feel this is fair as he obviously doesn't keep his vows then it's seems pointless to keep mine and to be honest I feel deserving of a man who desires me and wants to put his sexual energy towards me rather than the you g porno women My question is how much should I tell my lovers about my home situation . Is it bat to keep them at a distance or let aomething deeper develop
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes the karma bus has already visited this place and my husband is taking a ride on it!!!
As for me ? As far as I'm concerned I've paid enough karmic debt for any future wrong doing I could ever do to him with all the years he stole from me and tricking me!!!
So thanks for your advice, I read it and will kindly disregard it :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2015):
 ONE more piece of advice OP...
watch out for that Karma bus... it hurts when it hits.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLuckily for me , where we live , we have no fault divorce laws but Thankyou everyone for the advice
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 March 2015):
I will tell you that if you take a lover and he finds out and you did not seek permission to do so before you did this that when you do get a divorce he has grounds and he may get custody of your children.
YOU have "repeatedly" let him know how you feel about porn but only with your words not your actions. To let him know how you feel about porn you needed to LEAVE the first time you caught him in a lie.
to me the porn is not the issue the lying is. but he lies because of your DEMANDING with WORDS (NOT ACTIONS) that he comply with what you want.
A divorce is the only way to go.
IF you want to take a lover go to him and say "Your porn use has rendered you unacceptable to me as a partner. I am moving into the guest room until I can afford to file for divorce. I would like your permission to take a lover so that I can be satisfied until we can separate."
Anything else is CHEATING...
and as much as you may think it is... PORN is not cheating. He will have the upper hand in the divorce.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): There are websites for extra marital affairs.
Don't get caught cheating though because it could be grounds for citing you as the problem in a divorce proceeding. No doubt you would get a worse deal.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 March 2015):
 So taking a lover and cheating is on par with him watching porn?
I understand that you feel deceived, if he TOLD you he doesn't watch porn and then turns out to be a HUGE porn dog.
But what you are intending doesn't make matters better.
TWO WRONGS DOESN'T MAKE A RIGHT. And you know it.
You don't want to divorce for financial reasons? Really? THAT is what you want to show your kids? Just stay with a person you resent and detest, because money, yo!
So FOCUS on getting yourself to a point where you CAN take care of yourself and your KIDS instead of "getting yours".
I get that you are mad, I DO get it, but you come off as vengeful and petty.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 March 2015):
 "Revenge sex" is a stepping stone to just about the worst you could make this situation......
Decide if YOU want to be on the "high road"... or, in the gutters. THAT is how you'll be remembered....
Good luck...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP here, yes I agreed the marriage is a sham but my husband made it quite clear he wants a sham marriage rather than a divorce as I made it clear from the beginning of rather be single that have porn in the relationship . So he choose to lie and hold on to me and this marriage under also pretense this whole time, effectively stealing the last fifteen years of my life . Why should I walk away and come off worse so he can find a bimbo he likes and spend the money I helped him be able to achieve???? Spending my nights alone and miserable . Sure he would live that , but after much thought of rather spend our money , leave him home with the kids and have some happiness for once just like he has been doing all along . Why is that so bad?I have no intention of letting him now walk away child free and with huge earning porential that I helped him achieve by raising OUR children. I gave up an extremely lucrative career to be the best wife and mother and now I have part time work a result of the years I took away.
...............................
A
male
reader, ArtfulToker  +, writes (24 March 2015):
 The whole situation is bad, your children will grow up in this sham of a marriage, drop the pretence, don't stay in a marriage for financial reasons, that's no life! Tell your husband that you plan to take a lover, let him decide if he wants a divorce.
...............................
|
