A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I met my b/f when I was 22 (after I finished university). He's my first boyfriend. We have been dating for 3 years now. We started having sex during our first year of dating. It's now bothering me that maybe if I didn't have sex with him, he will hurry to marry me. I know he will, but I'm 25 and his 27. How much longer do I have to wait? (He went thru a divorce when he was 22, so I know he's a bit worried about marriage. But I think he's getting over it now)
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female
reader, louweez23  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 Well you believe 'The Rules' then sleeping with a man too quickly will mean that he won't be in any hurry to marry you.
However, in the real world it makes very little diffence. Some men wouldn't have stayed the course if you hadn't slept with them (don't forget men have stronger drives than us females).
The real dilemma here is whether he's going to commit or if he's scared of committment.
The only way you can 'make' him commit to you is make it so that he would be crazy not to, and basically that means becoming the kind of woman ANY man would be crazy to let go. That is all about building your own sense of self worth. Start concentrating on yourself. Get a new haircut, get a makeover, buy a new wardrobe, go out with your friends, be less available to him (i.e do not be at his beck and call).
How long do you wait? Simple answer. As long as you feel it's worth it. When you get sick of waiting that's when it's time to call it a day.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): How long are you willing to wait?
How long is a peice of string?
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 I'm sorry but with or without having a sexual relationship within your first year of dating didn't play a role in your desire to be married. I think it's a decision that lies in his heart and his head.
I think that if this is something you are seriously wanting to happen, I think that you should speak directly with him about the future of your relationship. It's the only way to know what's going on.
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