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How important is closure on a breakup?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 April 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 3 May 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

How important is closure on a breakup?

Do the unanswered questions make things harder in the aftermath of a breakup?

If a person fails to answer the questions that NEED answering in relation to their actions, should that cause a resentment towards them because of this?

View related questions: a break

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007):

Every closure on everything is ver important, especially when comes to closing a relationship. once the lo9ve that you feel already fades away, ther's no reason and excuses at all to still be with that person. After all, the magic is gone. Never force a feeling that you could'nt feel anymore. But it is not right to just leave that person confused and hanging by a thread leaving him no clue on what's the real staus of your relationship is..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks wiggles. Day by day, eh?

I find it difficult to understand how someone you put so much effort into and devoted a number of years to them to make them happy and give them all you could can undermine the relationship because they cant/wont express their feelings.

I truley loved her with all my heart and was going to ask her for her hand in marriage this year, which makes it even worse. Its funny how you think you know someone inside out, and then they change in an instant and can live knowing what they have caused and the damage they have left behind in their wake becuase of their own selfish reasons.

The last thing I ever wanted was to resent her and to think of our time together as a sham or a waste, but that is what I am left with and it hurts so much. Its funny how you can hate someone and at the same time love them still after everything.

Your right tho. She probably does'nt deserve me, well thats what I have to tell myself. I just know she was my soul mate and now that she has gone there is a large void in my life again.

Hopefully I will find someone, but unfortunatly I am not the kind of person who "looks" for this and I have just have to hope that someone will cross my path in the future.

Thank you for your advice, it means alot..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks male anon. She does'nt want to seem to want to discuss any of the questions that i have asked, all of them totally relevant.

I have said to her that no matter what the answers are it has got to be better than not knowing anything!! To me closure is everything, especially when you truly loved them and the split seems out of character and out of the blue.

Honesty in my book is everything, more so when you split from somebody. Her not being honest with me can only change my perception of her and our relationship that we had into something I end up resenting, which I hate. I really do.

Most of the reasons she has given have been short and there seems very little feeling or detail regarding them. This split is proving harder because of this and i would rather know the worst than thinking the things I am thinking at the moment. Thanks again.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007):

I think closure is needed. My girlfriend in high school broke up with me and I was hurt for a few years. All she said was that she wanted to get her life in order and she was going to school. She could have been just saying that. I dont know and I will never know. I should have called her a few months after and asked her why but I didn't. She knew she was breaking my heart bad so I dont think that she was being honest and I will never know why she left me. So I think closure is needed.

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A female reader, Doubtful United Kingdom +, writes (30 April 2007):

No,you just move on,otherwise you will keep beating yourself up about it.You could ask questions until the cows come home but it wouldn't change a thing,this woman doesn't want you anymore....period.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007):

Oh man, I am currently going through this. In answer to your first question, yes I believe closure is very important in a break up. Breaking up is tough in most (or all) cases and it really depends on how the break up came about. If you don't have closure of some form it makes it harder to accept a break up. Unanswered questions will relate to how/why the break up happened. Which will depend on how hard it is to cope with in the long run. And in relation to your last question, it will almost certainly cause resentment if the person is not willing or able to explain their actions. But I imagine there are many reasons why someone wouldn't want to explain. Perhaps it would hurt more to tell. Damage limitation can be what one side, or both, are keen to have. It can be such a complex issue.

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