A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hello all!Something has been bothering me about my boyfriend's past that isn't really important in the big scheme of things, but despite knowing this it still bothers me. Here's the deal:My boyfriend went to a (fully nude) strip club right before started seriously dating and he got a couple of lap dances. Well, I can't knock him for that! Who cares, right? Well even though we have been going out for 2.5 years, I just found out that during the lap dance, he was masturbating and the stripper was grinding her naked vagina on his bare penis until he finished! This happened in San Francisco and I don't know what the laws are for that sort of thing but I'm quite sure that's illegal. He thinks that this is "normal" and is mad at me for suggesting that it is anything but. Needless to say, after hearing of what really happened I told him that I would like it if he would refrain from buying lap dances at strip clubs in the future.The fact that my boyfriend did this doesn't bother me...what bothers me is that this (highly regarded) gentlemen's club allow this sort of thing. People are telling me that I should just get over it and realize that it happens and I agree with that. I guess my reason for posting this is to see if anyone else has heard of this happening in the supposedly "classy" establishments in San Francisco and more importantly, if it is legal. BTW, I'm going to a gentleman's club with my girlfriends this weekend so it's not like I am jealous that he was at such a place.
View related questions:
jealous, lapdance, stripper, vagina Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): I understand exactly what you mean. You don't mind the lap dancing, because you thought there was rules to ensure it's pure entertainment and no sex is involved. What's the difference between what your boyfriend did and if he had hired a prostitute to satisfy him. I can only tell you about British rules, over here lap dancers have to stay at least 3ft away, they are not supposed to touch the customers at all. I have no problem with lap dancers, or strippers, good entertainment by people that are skilled at dancing. But masturbation goes too far for me, and over here it's too far for the law. Lap dancing clubs can be shut down over this kind of thing.
When men strip for women they often play at pretending to have oral sex. No contact is made, it's just pretend. Tell your boyfriend, since he has no problem, when you go out with the girls, you'll be masturbating and doing sexual stuff as well. Since he has no problem when he dose it, there should be no problem when you do it. Problem solved.
As you say, your boyfriend has been naive, lap dancing and stripping is pure entertainment, and should be a case of look and don't touch. He should find some better friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I appreciate all of the quick replies!
Well I guess I didn't explain the whole situation the first time around so I guess I should add a couple of things.
The masturbating thing happened one time. He was a virgin and his best friend decided to take him to a strip club for his 18th birthday. He was an extremely sheltered virgin who didn't know what what a lap dance even was. I know this because we were friends when this happened...as I said, we weren't seriously dating at the time. So when his friend took him there, his friend dropped $100 for my boyfriend's lap dance and I guess he got what was paid. Standard lap dances at that establishment run at about $60. My boyfriend honestly thought what happened was absolutely legal and normal because that is what his friend (who used to frequent the place before he met his fiance) told him.
When we were first together, he got a little paranoid about it and got tested. I thought it was odd that he would get tested for STDs and HIV since he was a virgin so of course I asked about it. He told me that he went to a disgustive dive where a stripper gave him a lap dance and he was worried. It wasn't until much later that he told me what really happened...he was embarrassed and ashamed. He, in all honesty, was too sheltered for his own good and I'm a little ticked that his friend told him that the sort of thing that happened at that strip club was anything less than a normal lap dance even chastised my boyfriend for being an idiot in front of his current fiance.
So I blame my boyfriend for being an idiot and his friend for causing and manipulating the situation as well as lying to his fiance about it. But I wrote this "question" in order to find out if this is normal or legal. To the poster who said the San Francisco is lax about the rules, I'm guessing that is probably true, but I have watched O'Reilly and feel that that man is an idiot, but that's another matter.
So thank you for the replies I now have a better grasp of the situation.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia + ♥, writes (7 January 2009):
 In Oregon, where I used to work at a strip club, strippers have to stay at the bare minimum, 6 inches away. You can't touch or else you'll be fired in a hot second (at least, if you're caught and strippers can be tricky). Places of more questionable rapport: any place that sells itself as "lingerie modeling" - completely sketchy. That is where strippers who are looking for more cash and more touching... pretty much, that's where the hookers hang out.
Your boyfriend is a sleaze. What he did isn't "normal", totally cheating and dirtbag-ish. I would have him checked for STD's too, because bare genitals rubbing up against each other? And a STRIPPER at that? Honey, strippers share poles to dance on, clothes to shake in, they are grinding up on the same things and cooties get passed around fast. A quick but disgusting story: a stripper at the club I worked at had Scabies and two other girls got it before they figured out the source and had her fired. But gross shit like that is lurking around so I would definitely not hesitate to get your BF's junk checked out!!
Your boyfriend is seriously dense if he thinks what he did wasn't cheating. He belongs in the doghouse.
...............................
A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (7 January 2009):
 I broke up with one of my exe's because of strip club .. and I am everything but jealous. I love sex, stripping and even porn. I am not a frigid little girl, but strip clubs where someone elses vagina is in my BFs face? ABSOLUTELY NO-NO!Guys can be horrible pigs. The worst thing is, they don't understand how much does it hurt you. They think, that because they did not have the actual sex with the stripper its ok. They are just looking, they are not touching .. but SHE IS TOUCHING THEM .. same thing isnt it .. maybe worse. Strip clubs broke lots and lots of relationships and marriages. And thats a factMen will not agree with me (most of them), but I find this very disrespectful to the woman they are actually with. I don't think your guy would like you being in a MALE strip club, paying for some extra Weiner dance in your face .. take pictures .. so he has fun looking at them. Even tho male strip clubs are not as sleezy and disgusting like female strippers, its kinda the same thing.If your guy thinks that masturbating on strippers naked cooch is normal, than get rid of him. I am sorry, but you are wasting time with someone thats F... up in his head. That is considered as big time cheating, and I don't care how money he payed for it ... its cheating/My ex went for a bachelore party once, where they had 3 girls getting off on each other .. which whatever, thats cool, but than they were giving all the guys tripple blow jobs .. and who payed .. could have more in the back room ... EVEN THE GROOM WENT!!!! ... So go figure !!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (7 January 2009):
 Not too sure about the strip joints where you are but most of them live by the same rule it is a well known fact all rules get broken that is where the girls make their extra bucks! Here in Scotland anything goes you pays your money and if you want more than a lap dance they have private quarters for that all at a price and while you may think it is harmless behaviour it is not if he is taking it further your not with him 24/7 and so therefore have no idea what goes on behind these doors personally i don't see what the attraction is it is sleazy and gives women in general a bad name i feel but hey whatever floats your boat!!
They made a TV Programme here and it stipulated under no circumstances that any of these lap dancers do anything untoward other than lap dancing i had a few folk i knew who frequented these places and the joke was it was all for the camera does anyone honestly think they are going to state on camera that they are breaking the law? Lap Dancing clubs here are actually a front for whores dens and the so called Gentleman's Clubs are named so because they cater for Gentlemen and their needs! if your going to one this weekend maybe you can make up your own mind what you think goes on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 January 2009):
 How far can a stripper go? I'm guessing as far as she was paid for or as far as she wanted too. I know there are rules for how far they officially can go but I have been to a couple of places where it's "illegal" for them to engage in anything then dancing and they surely crossed that line in plain view of everyone. Some go to "private" areas and what goes on in there .............
I don't get the whole hoopla over strip clubs, personally I find them stinky, nasty and lame..
...............................
|
