A
female
age
26-29,
*eef95
writes:feel like I'm alone !! I feel like I have no one to talk to or confide in!! family members aren't an option I don't want to tell them what's really on my mind. my boyfriend well he is not to interested and even then some of my feelings aren't for him to know. As for friends most my friends are males and I don't feel like we are on that level to have deep open conversations! I literally feel like I have no one !! I find my self just letting my feelings and issues overwhelm me taunting me. and even here when I can talk about how I might be feeling I'm talking to a screen! I find myself just sitting and staring into space wishing I could actually have a conversation with someone who isn't going to judge or give me an unwanted opinion just someone who will talk understand and more importantly listen.I guess I'm just lonely Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Campari Milano +, writes (26 February 2017):
I am a female with predominantly male colleagues and friends. I find that when you truly need to talk, they will listen, but you have to make it extremely clear that you need this from them!You don't actually say, specifically, what you need to ta;lk about, nor should you have to. If you don't feel comfortable talking to any of your friends about your problems, either they are so serious that maybe a counsellor would be best; or you don't trust anyone. Why is that? Therefore, a counsellor may be best.I know what it's like to feel trapped inside my own head, wishing I could say the things I'm feeling out loud. I also know what it's like to never stop doing that, and the reactions it can get, and problems it can cause.The crux of it is, no one can listen, or support you if you don't give them the chance.If you can't give them a go, please see a counsellor and maybe they can help you talk to your people.And if your people are horrid judgy people, they may help you get new people!Lots of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2017): First you have to stop internalizing everything and assuming you're going to be judged. You're lonely because you're closed-off to everyone; and you have no female-friends you can relate to. Men aren't very good at listening when you're discussing feelings and emotions. We're taught to hide them.
You're a female, not one of the guys. So if all you talk to are males, they can't have deep conversations about how you feel as a female.
The problem is your inability to open-up and express yourself. Your loneliness and isolation is self-imposed.
Judging (if I may use that word) from the tone of your writing, you seem depressed and unhappy.
Maybe if you can't comfortably express your personal-issues with family and friends, you might be in need of some therapy. Not long-term, just to cover the deepest concerns.
There seems to be something seriously troubling you that you need to address.
Apart from that, you seem to have difficulty interacting with people. Claiming no one is interested, including your boyfriend. Why is he your boyfriend if you can't talk to him? What's he there for? Financial-support? Sex? Just to prop you up, because you're not strong enough to be independent? If he's useless, get rid of him.
From what you described that you want, you don't need to talk to anybody else.
" I could actually have a conversation with someone who isn't going to judge or give me an unwanted opinion just someone who will talk understand and more importantly listen."
Sweetheart, you just described talking to yourself!
You need a two-way conversation for intellectual-stimulation, someone to give you encouragement, and you also need an outside opinion; because what you may have to talk about might need one. If you avoid people because you don't want to be judged, you have quite a problem on your hands.
No one wants to just sit silently; and let you unload all your problems and vent all your despair. Being heard is fine, but you also have to listen; if you really want someone who can appreciate your company.
Pets are good to talk to and they don't judge. Cat's being the exception. They stare with a judgmental-expression like you're stupid; or just up and walk-away. Typically, they just can't be bothered. Dogs are great, and seem to sense your moods.
If all you ever feel is negativity and sorrow, it is quite certain you would need to talk to a therapist; more than just unloading your thoughts on someone that you don't want to judge you, give an opinion, or speak.
Conversation is actually an exchange of ideas, dialogue. People will avoid listening, if the conversation never changes; or if it is too depressing. That's what you pay a therapist to do. Then you still have to listen to their opinions and analysis. This will help you to find solutions to those things that depress and trouble you. Therapy may help you to understand your conflicting feelings and emotions. Even help you to make and maintain friends of both genders.
Are you in the closet, or have hidden feelings for the same-sex? Are you feeling suicidal? Are you easily intimidated by people? Do you feel invisible? Are you concerned about your body, weight, looks, or the color of your skin? These are common problems people need to talk about.
Opinions are not always in judgement. They are often based on the experiences of the listener, and how they can relate to your feelings. Opinions may offer some comfort, information, and advice. Judgement sometimes comes from wisdom, not always meant to criticize you or put you down.
You have to be tough enough to accept opinions; so they'll help you to improve yourself, get tougher, to learn, and equip yourself to survive.
People in the habit of avoiding judgment, opinion, or criticism don't learn much of anything. They don't get many answers to their questions. They don't grow, and they don't help others either. So their problems only multiply and get worse.
I'm very sorry if you don't appreciate my advice. I still took to time to reply; because I think your post is important. If this doesn't help you, maybe it can help another reader with the same problem.
I'm sorry you feel alone. There is always someone, if you just open-up to someone you can trust.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2017): Your feelings are part of the human condition which isn't saying much, except that what you're are experiencing will pass in time, which is about the best comforting thought we all have to hold on to. May I ask what your personal situation is atm? Is it love, or is it something directly related to your bf? I have a feeling I, as well as others here, have been through what your are feeling. It saddens me that you feel alone. I hope what I said earlier helps :)
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