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How does a player act when he finally falls in love?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 September 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 17 October 2017)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

Does anyone out there know how a "player" acts when he finally falls in love? I think I'm being pursued by one who in the past has had women pursuing him. I really need to know the answer to this question because it will help me decide what I need to do.

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A female reader, Moonstruck United States +, writes (17 October 2017):

I suppose a "Player" would react the same as any other man would,he'd do anything to have you by his side.Though I only know how a "Player" reacts when they fall in-love "Actions Speak Louder than Words" they will do things they've never done before(w/out being asked/badgered)they change because it's no longer about them and they want wanna/make it priorty to do what's best for for the one they ash love.My fiance was the biggest womanizer I ever knew,raised by swingers and had several live-in by at a time (at one time he had 3 gf living with him..well the other way around)he rarely worked,lived off his baby momma,was abusive and an alcholic..an overall "Douchebag" so naturally when he told me he was in-love with me I couldn't believe him..however Actions Speak Louder than Words"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009):

Good Luck, Does he lie about stupid shit, when the truth might be a shorter story, easier to follow, thus easier for him keep straight , since he doesnt have eggs to admit what you already know, sorry, but i bet you don't deserve all this guess work, dick tracyh nonsense. If you are seeking advice random , as I am. He happens to have been born 1960, seams more like a kid, finding out how his plumbing parts might look if he did this. lol As tired of the adolescent nature, i have to laugh at myself, when I cry. In protest to "Last time" broken record. I think Good Girls, w/ bad boys are punishment for some thing. Not self destructive, more like discepline, If you are like me, you cant imagine being with some one you have to keep on a leash. They wear you down till you give in relentless, if a girl did that shed be deperate, or a stalker "crazy". Then as hard as they work at it, once they eat up all the pac man ghosts, they disapear just as cold hearted as they were hot for you. Back in the day, men worked for attention, they were acountable and too busy tring to keep up, not to mention the expense they go through. Dont they know about ne night stands? All they have to do is show up 5 min to closing, nothing is expected, you dont have to dishonor your fathers good name by lying , and you boys remember if you misrepresented yourself, then hello, "Deal Breaker" We slept with a hero you could never live up to, you ought to be secure enough to not make up silly schhool boy fairy tales, stop apologizing 4 ur short for qualies, Cant you man up ? Surely theres something cool about you thats real. A player likes confidence, my opinion, as usual, Ive gone too far. Take care of yourself first, they do. And if he doesnt treat you like a princess, someone will, hell suffer in the end. Stay strong and please be safe

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A female reader, lexilou United Kingdom +, writes (14 September 2008):

lexilou agony auntPlayers pursue until they get what they want, they will wine you and dine and you whisper sweet nothins in your ear. If you are being cool it will make him chase even more. The only way you will know if he has stopped chasing around and fallen in love is if he still with you, takes you out on public dates, holds your hand and shows affection in public, talks about the future, makes plans, introduces you to family and friends etc etc and tells people openly you are his girlfriend.

If he only sees you on his terms when he wants to, usually for sex, keeps you separate from his life, wont talk about your relationship and doesnt tell people he is in a relationship with you then he is still playing, only time will tell but be careful you dont get hurt. Why not ask him outright, tell him you are not interested in casual sex but are looking for a committed relationship. If he does the talk about not looking to settle down right now, or has already told you this then you will not change him x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008):

I was with a 'player' on and off for years along with very many other girls. We all loved him as he had a Ferrari, cash, charm and a great job, everything you could ever want in a man. I was well aware he was seeing other women and he would often cancel at the very last moment when I was already waiting at the tube, bar, wherever. I met him when I was a 20 year old model and continued to see him on and off for 20 years. He was older than me so when I was 20 he was 30. When I was 38 he was nearing 50 and I noticed he quite simply began to slow down. He was still lovely but the passion of the chase had gone from him. I was married by this time with children and we saw each other as friends. For very many years I had wanted him but when I was available he wasn't interested. When I was 38 he simply said to me 'please leave your husband and I will marry you immediately as it is the right time for me and I want to settle down. I am tired of the chase'. I couldn't but very shortly after that he married a woman he hardly knew compared to all the old lovers he still had. I could see it in him that things had changed. It wasn't very flattering , he wss just tired of it all. He is still with this lady and I don't see him anymore but he now puts all his efforts into investments and his company rather than womanising. I think with players it is all a waiting game and they will let you know when it is time. Be careful not to let the grass grow under your feet while you are waiting for them. Players also only think of themselves and their needs. They will only decide on one woman when they are quite simply bored or too tired to continue the game. They do fall in love very easily. If your 'player' is declaring undying love, being very attentive etc do be careful and wait till anything is offered to you in concrete before you believe him especially if you are young. Always hold out with a player, be unavailable and generally aloof and never discuss the possibility of a committed relationship with them. Always wait till they start the conversation on anything meaningful or long term then you know they aren't just stringing you along and always say mm, yes I'll think about it and let you know. Then don't mention the subject again so they have to raise the subject yet again so you can test if they are genuinely interested. Be careful and really think about whether you can trust him before you dedicate your life to him.

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A female reader, purplecloud03 Australia +, writes (14 September 2008):

purplecloud03 agony auntumm a player will be a player for a very long time. when they stop feeling the thrill of picking up and with the typical blonde big boobs fake tan big hair girls then u know he has settled. and besides those typical player females are just as bad as them. their behaviour wil change

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A male reader, indigo United States +, writes (14 September 2008):

Players can "retire" and fall into a proper relationship. Usually though, it's not one woman who does it. The player gets tired of "the game" and when he finds the right woman he uses it as an excuse to settle down.

If he has a recent history of prowling, you probably won't be that woman. If those days are a good time past though, you should give him a chance.

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