A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Question: How do you have a successfull FWB? How am I supposed to act in this type of relationship? I think I want to do this because I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now because of my kids. So, the question is, am I supposed to have no feelings during a FWB relationship? or how does that work. If you ever had a successful FWB relationship ... tell me how Reply to this Question
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (14 June 2010):
 Keep your distance and don't initiate or accept sex its not a good idea since you like him. Man can have sex with women without having any feeling, and some women can too but this is not your case so leave it as only friends without the benefits.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very very much for your answers and advice. You really opened my eyes. This is what happened: I was married for about 24 years to my first serious boyfriend; got divorced after 24 years. Then now, I made a mistake and went out with this guy, thinking that he liked me, but lately, Im finding out this he only wants to have sex with many different girls. I thought and was waiting to have a closer relationship with him but I was just daydreaming, it never happened. I got too attached to him but I found out he's been having sex with other girls too. The thing is that he wants to continue with me, he keeps on trying. I don't think is a good idea even though I really really like him a lot. He has no feelings.
I thought that maybe we can have FWB but I don't think I can handle it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): I've had a FWB for about a year now. I didn't go looking for one and I don't think he did either; It just kind of worked out that way but a few simple rules to follow.
1. Always use protection.
2. Don't ask questions.
3. Have nothing but friendly/sexual feelings for him (no romantic feelings ever)
4. Don't involve him in any other aspect of your life.
5. Maintain a mutual sense of respect for each other.
I do think that sex SHOULD be the basis of this relationship. If being friends and talking about your feelings becomes the focus, the risk of developing feelings for him is much higher.
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A
female
reader, MsBehavin +, writes (10 June 2010):
 q1605 said it best, "Many women are called to the FWB. Few are chosen. I've never seen one pass muster."
I know there's exception to every rule, but how as a woman can you have sex over & over & over again... without feelings? It's totally foreign to me.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (9 June 2010):
FWB can work and its true many women get attached but not all, and I can tell you that sometimes it works way better imagine no commitment. Not having to deal with the drama of being in a relationship, coming and going as you please. Its like having a booty call on call. As long as you keep your emotions aside and use this relationship only sex you should be fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): i sucessfuly had a fwb and successfully ended it when i found love.
the key is to never daydream about what might be with this person. hang out in your group of friends instead of alone . basically let nothing change except the sex (on whatever basis it may be , emailing , texting , physical.
dont turn your radar off and dont stop feeling single.
i think it is just as important to make sure that he is extremly casual about the whole thing. men can get quite clingy sometimes.
the hardest part is telling him times up , but if everything was detached from the start he shouldnt mind too much.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Yep, I'm going to have to agree. The line: am I supposed to have no feelings during a FWB relationship? This is the give away. It suggests that you're not a good candidate for an FWB arrangement, simply because you're already questioning your feelings on the matter. You should stay clear of this, I believe. Done right with the right person, it works great. Done wrong or with feelings,it's a recipe for disaster. Eyes is right. Focus on your kids. Let this pass you by and get the next one.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Sigh.. you are right eyes.. she did mention something about "feelings"...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Forget about this and focus on your kids. When the timing is better then start dating again. I just can tell you aren't FWB material, most people aren't.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 June 2010):
Worst thing about a FWB situation, is when you find the perfect unattached guy, and then he goes off and falls in love with someone else...
Only because a good guy who will do a FWB sucessfully and not give too much hassle is so damn hard to find..
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 June 2010):
She will do anything because the woman hasn't been born that can see sex as just sex but you are off scot free because "hey, I never said it was anything serious".
Hey Lazy guy, I resent that totally... me and BunnyTee just told you we did the FWB thing, we didn't fall in love, didn't get our hearts involved and had a hell of a lot of fun..
It's 2010, we women can do sex and still stay single and uninvolved.. The times they are a changing.. lol
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Oh it is easy, you get the girl to think that having sex with absolutely zero commitment is a good thing because you are such good friends and like her so much but not enough to commit. She will do anything because the woman hasn't been born that can see sex as just sex but you are off scot free because "hey, I never said it was anything serious".
Just don't give a shit about the girls feelings...
Oh wait, you are the girl... well then to do it succesfully. Become a man.
The fact that you are asking here shows that you can't. You care about FWB, then you failed at it.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (9 June 2010):
I have had a successful FWB thing. And if every one is one the same page, it can work really well. I sorta liked him in a human being way...see, he was this oh-so *buff* geologist a few years younger than I and lemme tell ya, sister , he could...but I digress as I am wont to do..let's just leave it at that I still think of him as the Jackhammer.
Provided no one's harboring a hidden agenda and isn't using an FWB arrangement in lieu of a legit. relationship hoping that it'll turn into a full blown Gone With the Wind thing, I see no harm in it.
He lived his life apart from mine, no emotional entanglements, nothing but meeting up on a hot summer nights and....oh dear me. Is it hot in here?
It's basically repeated encounters of a sexual nature between 2 mature, consenting, honest adults. Be honest, say what you mean and mean what you say. No emotional considerations. No questions beyond what's necessary for you or your FWB to know. It's not for everyone, but it can make for some of the best sex you've ever ran across! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (9 June 2010):
 1.Make sure the friend you have the relationship with has never had a romantic interest in you.
2. Don't engage in dating-type activities (excessive cuddling after sex, romantic dinners, breakfast in bed...). If you break this rule, I can pretty much guarantee you'll be back on DC asking "How can I make this FWB relationship something more?".
3. Decide on rules concerning monogamy. Are you allowed to date, but not sleep with others? If one FWB does begin dating someone else seriously, how much notice does he/she need to give the other FWB before withdrawing the sex?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 June 2010):
:) lol.. yep, they can work, if you and the guy are friends.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 June 2010):
Choose yourself a guy who you consider a friend.. The friend bit comes first.. You and the guy should be able to go out, to hang out together and enjoy each others company. Sex should be something you do sometimes, it shouldn't be the basis of the whole relationship. It's best to pick a guy who is in the same situation as you, single, not looking for love or commitment, but would like a friendship with a little sex thrown in.
That's the best type of FWB
Otherwise, find a guy who you can call up only for sex, who will leave afterwards, and asks nothing of you and you ask nothing of him.
In both cases, condoms are always needed.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (9 June 2010):
Don't fall in love, don't be controlling, and don't get jealous.
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