A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What can I do to get my joy back? I know everyone goes through life's struggles and I think I've handled them well up to this point. But lately I've become so overwhelmed with life that I feel like I'm losing myself. I used to be so cheerful and energetic. Now I'm just stressed out and irritated all the time!I'm struggling with finances, illnesses in the family (3 which are very serious) and kids and trying to maintain a balanced relationship with my husband. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my family more than anything in the world. But it seems like I've been the "backbone" for so long that it's just kind of expected. If I get stressed out or emotional they look at me like I'm a freak.I don't want to take medication to MAKE myself feel better. I don't want to talk to a therapist. I just want to find something to dig myself out of this whole so I can feel human again. And forget about "me" time, that's completely unheard of. I don't want to leave my family but I feel like, if I could just get away for a week or so I'd be O.K. but again, I know that could never happen. So, what are my alternatives?Thanks in advance. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): DEMAND THAT YOU HAVE SOME TIME OUT!!!
take care xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): Hi - hope this helps. Today in the UK we are told that anti-depressants don't work. Mixed views on this I'm sure but from my own experience you need to re-discover your life. You need spare time for this and support and you have had good advice about this. In addition I suggest surrounding yourself with positive friends (not people that drag you down) and people who will not judge you. Exercise is a great way to build your happy hormones - get out there girl! For me - I dance. Nothing puts a bigger smile on my face than dancing. Find the thing that makes you smile again and indulge in it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thank you oldersister and kermit. You are both spot on. I didn't really look at it that way. I think the only way to get out of this feeling is to try and obligate more responsibility to my husband so it free's me up for a little "me time". He's the main reason I don't get any "me time". If I did free myself up for some me time I would still need to deal with his insecurities. He doesn't want me to do anything outside of the family. I never even take a trip to the store with a friend because he's so paranoid that I'll find someone else. It's absolutely rediculous to me but again that's something I've given up for his sake, to make sure he doesn't have to worry about it. If I were to tell him now after all this time that I want "me time" he'd probably freak out.
Anyway, thanks for the advice, I don't feel so crazy anymore and I know what I've got to do. I've added you both to my list of friends, hope you don't mind but I may need your advice again in the near future. Thanks again soooooo much! Love & God bless!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 Well, it sounds as if you are exhausted. You have too many obligations put on you. Yes, respect and taking care of family is important, and I respect that value. But that does not mean you do everything yourself, it can mean that you make sure someone that is competant does these things for you.
Also, it sounds like you are mothering everyone, but that your husband is not "fathering" you. This can cause incredible drains on personal energy for a woman.
You say that time for you is out of the question. That is precisely the problem here. You are taking care of everyone else (whihc satisfies your mothering instincts) but not of yourself, and THAT will cause you more damage than anything else.
What I don't think you realise is that you are making your entire family vulnerable by taking on too much. At some point, you will burn out, and those have have depended on you will forget they needed to learn to be dependant on themselves.
It sounds like you feel things are spinning out of control...not a good place to be.
I have taken care of sick family members and been ill myself. Finances are tight for me too. BUT, I am always in control of changing my circumstances (at least some of them), and 100% control in how I react to them.
Take some time for you. You need time just to do some creative thinking for yourself and RELAX.
Don't let shame or guilt interfere with taking care of you. You NEED it.
-Frank B Kermit
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