A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have just finished with my girlfriend of 4 years on good terms. I have been let down by her though because she was two timing me with another guy (but she didn't sleep with him, did everything else)for a month before we split up. I actually made love to her while she was meeting up with the other guy. In fact he had stayed the night in her room only a week ago. My two part question then is, 1. How do you get over a break-up of this type and move on when you don't hate your ex (and still love her). Can you be friends or does it not work? 2. How much trust should you give your girlfriend? I ask this because I don't want to get messed around in any future relationships (But right now that won't be for quite some time LOL)Many thanks R.J.A.P.
View related questions:
a break, move on, split up Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank you "AskEve" for your useful advice and website links.
To be fair on my ex and myself, I have decided to not have any communication with my her until I can talk to her without having the motive of wanting to get back in a relationship. I realise she may be hurting too over our break-up or she may be wanting to move on with "The new guy". Either way she needs time and space.
I have decided to focus on college exams, my hobbies, exercise and spending time with family and friends in order to find "The Real Me".
Many thanks once again.
A
female
reader, AskEve + ♥, writes (8 April 2007):
 If you break up with your partner and still have feelings for her then remaining friends is only going to prolong the pain. You need to think of why you broke up. In this case it was infidelity. Then you need to sit down and ask yorself some questions. Could you ever trust her again? Why do you want to remain friends with her? Could it be you're doing it in the hope that you get back together again? If you did, could things ever be the same again? Ask yourself, why did she cheat on you, what caused her to do it? Were you having problems in your relationship that you were aware of? Is it worth it to put yourself through all this pain... secretly hoping you get back together with her? (if of course, that's how you feel.)
My advice to you would be to lie low for a while. Get on with your life and keep busy. Tell yourself she doesn't deserve you. Try and keep your spirits up and tell yourself you don't need her in your life any more. Look to all of this as a learning curve but don't tar all women with the same brush as not all women are like this. It may be that the relationship had just run its course, but don't blame yourself for it breaking up. It takes TWO to make a successful relationship! Here is a link that hopefully will be of some help to you in getting over a break up, I have also given you a link which you might find helpful about "finding yourself again." What do you really want from life, it will help you to examine yourself and find out exactly who you are and what your priorities are for yourself in this life...http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Uphttp://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself
Regarding your second question "how much trust should you give your girlfriend" - that is something you and the girlfriend need to sit and talk about personally. Set boundaries in the relationship. Let one another know what you expect from each other, what you don't mind and what would hurt you. If you can do that then the trust will grow as the relationship develops. Never take one another for granted, give one another space when it is needed and reassure one another and you have the basis for a thriving relationship.
Eve
...............................
|
