A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have had some troubles in our marriage and agreed to go to therapy to see if we can work through them. The trouble is that we have trouble agreeing on who to see. We got some names by searching the Internet for reviews. Plus, my wife works for a woman who is a psychologist and she had some recommendations as well. We are at the stage where we want to start interviewing them. We aren't sure if we go as a couple or individually but I am sure the therapist will help us through that.The problem now is that my wife and I are disagreeing on which therapists to see. My wife would like an older man and preferably one with some theology education. She says she won't go see a woman at all. For my part I would be okay seeing a man to some extent but I know I wouldn't feel too comfortable when or if it came to discussions about topics like sex. I don't like to discuss intimate details of my life (sexual or otherwise) with men and the only male friend I have is gay. All the rest of my friends are female. I have three sisters and I've always related to women and not to men. I am not sure I can speak openly to a male therapist. I would far prefer a female one given a choice. What do you suggest we do to find someone we BOTH like and trust? We even considering just going to our own individual therapists if that's an option.
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (6 August 2015):
 "I don't like to discuss intimate details of my life (sexual or otherwise) with men "
"All the rest of my friends are female"
These two statements are worrying....
If you are more at ease with telling your intimate details to a female then I suspect this is the reason why you are having marriage problems.
I suspect this is why your wife doesn't want a female counsellor.
You need to choose a therapist that will address what the problem is within the marriage - and if that is emotional affairs [which I suspect is the problem] then you need a counsellor who is experienced in infidelity.
I know this doesn't answer your question but it is definitely some food for thought!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 August 2015):
 Well, as you'd be okay with a man for a bit, why not see a male therapist first, to work out why you both are so stuck on gender roles, and ask him to help you find the best therapist for both of you.
Have you considered finding a therapist who would be willing to sit in another room, use a microphone to distort his or her voice to a tone that sounds like it could be a man OR a woman? That way, you won't know if you are opening up to a man or a woman, and you're just dealing with a human being who is trying to help you through a rough patch.
Come to think of it, most therapists are human, just trying to help people through rough patches.
Go see individual therapists for a while to work on the rigid thinking you both seem to struggle with, then ask the therapists to discuss who the best marriage therapist would be for you.
Or just go interview some therapists with an open mind.
If neither of you can compromise then perhaps, alas, any therapy would be pointless as compromise is needed in any successful marriage.
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