A
female
age
36-40,
*enidecop
writes:8 months ago I met a guy named Derrick, he is a police officer and I was doing some volunteer work, we ended up working on a few projects together. He was engaged and I was In a long term relationship. We were hanging out three or four nights a week with the organization we were working with and we got along great. We have so much in common. We started texting and hanging out with each other more and more outside of our project. 8 weeks ago he told me he had feelings for me, feelings he never had before. Ad he kissed me. He was second guessing his relationship with his finance , he was distancing himself from her and he was truly upset about it. He didn't want to hurt her but he didn't think he could marry her having the feelings he had for me. It scared the crap out of me. I didn't want to be known as "that girl", we live in a small town and I didn't want that name. I turned him away, I stopped texting him, I left him alone. That's when I realized I had the same feelings. I was running to him more then my bf, I was spending more time with him and enjoyed it more then any time spent with my bf. he called off his engagement and moved out of their apartment. And I did the same, I broke up with my bf but I didn't call him right away. I spent a few weeks just making sure my feelings were real. Three weeks ago we went to to dinner and I had more fun with him then I think I've every hadI few close friends know about our dates and they all asked the same question, were we having an affair? Regardless of how many times I say no they don't believe me.How do we bring our relationship out in the open with out people thinking we were having an affair?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): I don't think you should worry about what other people think.
You didn't really go out of your your way to cheat on your other partners. You spent time together only after initially having a common cause. You incidentally happened to start liking each other. Kissing was in fact cheating; because you were both still in relationships at the time. Subsequently you both did do the right thing. You let the other people go, and you made your relationship honorable.
You both made serious sacrifices to be together. I only hope it is what you think it is. Take your time. Breaking an engagement was quite a serious move. He certainly got over her rather quickly!!!
Aside from that, you're not married. You're both respectable and conscientious adults, and that's all that matters. You've always been public, now you're an official couple. Let "people" figure it out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): I was in a situation a little bit similar. I wasn't engaged to my girlfriend but we had been together a while. I had feelings for someone else and they were stronger than my feeling towards my gf so I split up with her, for both our sakes. What I didn't do is admit my feelings to girl 2 and kiss her before I had broken up with my girlfriend though. If I was you I'd be cautious of someone who did do this. He went about in a pretty unfaithful and disrespectful way. Could he do the same to you down the line?Having said all that though, if he's left his fiance and you are free to see him why care if other people think you're having an affair? They're wrong. And people think what they like whatever you try to do so I reckon you should ignore whatever people think. Life's too short for the gossips.
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