A
male
age
30-35,
*abebi Harsan
writes:Dear cupid, Am a Zambian and me and my girlfriend have been going out for almost two years. The thing is I will be going out for college to the US for four years. My gf is very happy for me but also worried If we will stand the test of time. Lately she has been worried that I will cheat on her and I got angry that she doesn't trust me and this almost ended our relationship. Since then she complains less but I can still see the worry on her face. To be honest am also not sure of how we will cope coz we've never been apart for such a long time. Just how do people survive long distance relationships? En what can I do/say to ease my gf's worries?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): Her fears are her choice, and typical.
A good idea is to not take the job of counselor because you can't help this kind of paranoia.
An effective strategy is to BE the loyal trustworthy mate by telling her, "While your fears are common, I don't want what we have now to be ruined by fear. Either you can have faith in me and us, or please leave this alone. I know myself and I accept this challenge of our love and I hope you do too."
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Make a plan. Set up times for when to meet, and very importantly never break a date. Always show up at the agreed time. That is what works. You need to prioritize your relationship in a whole new way. Set aside time for her, tell her about your day, share pictures, and e-mail every day. Talk on the phone/skype as much as possible. Send letters in the mail with your handwriting etc etc. There are many things you can do to keep the intimacy and keep the relationship alive. Remember that your relationship will continue through this time apart, not just sit on hold. Your relationship will evolve into something a bit different, and you will adapt, but remember to keep the romance alive!
Read up on long-distance relationships and see how others have done it. Then talk to your girlfriend about what you wish to do to keep the relationship alive and well, how often you will e-mail and talk etc. Plan! And always keep your promises. That is when she will be reassured. But, she will continue to worry until she sees for herself that there is nothing to worry about.
There are many people who can not do long-distance relationships though. Do not see it as a failure in case it is too painful and difficult. For many, the physical aspect of a relationship is too important to loose, and they can not be without having physical intimacy. Things like looking into each others eyes, holding hands, kisses, or hearing each others voices... they are hard to be without. So find something that is great that you can do in the meantime. Like romantic letters in the mail, including daily e-mails. Good long conversations over the phone or skype. Pictures and webcam. And dress up for her. Even of she can't see you, dress up for her, and tell her that you did, or take a picture for her to see it. Remember to treat her like your girlfriend, even if she is far away.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Do video cam, always look happy and sincere when you talk to her. One of the signs of a cheating spouse is that they look guilty and can't look at someone in the eye when talking. Tell her you miss her. Focus on what you would like to do with her in the future. Share your day with her. Ask her for suggestions on how to make the future better. Allow her to have her worries but remind her that worrying doesn't help anything. There is nothing you can do so just accept the moment.
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