A
male
age
36-40,
*heeky Chappy
writes:Hello Dear Cupid Aunts and UnclesHow is everyone? Okay, so here's my story...I am and always have been a bit of a cheeky chappy as my name says. I stop and talk to everyone. I've got time for everyone. It's just my nature and I think it's a good way to be.Anyway, I joined a new gym about 6 weeks ago. I look after myself. I'm not the biggest guy in the gym but I do okay. Not that, that's what I want anyway.About 2 or 3 weeks ago I meet a lady. Honestly. I was blown away. Beautiful girl. She's a few years older than me, but that doesn't bother me. I'm 30. So we got talking and once again because of my nature we got into a right good conversation. She was laughing her head off. Next thing I knew we organised to go out on a date. Anyway, we've made plans to meet up next week as she's free. But to be honest I don't think I want to. Obviously when you get talking to someone you get to know them. So I don't want to sound judgemental because I'm not. But she married a man much older than her who was a multi-millionaire. They are now divorced. Turns out she walked away with quite a bit of his money. Also I've noticed she always seems to be talking to the really big guys in the gym. She's always touching their muscles and taking photos and flirting with them. I don't want to sound shallow but it's turning me right off. For a start I'm not a millionaire and I'm not 220lbs of muscle. At the same time I don't want to be horrible to her or anything. She's entitled to live her life how she wants, but how do I get out of the date and still be able to go to the gym. Do I just sort of say nothing or do I tell her I think it's maybe best we don't go out. The problem is I get the feeling this girl gets what she wants and I worry it will just make her more determined. Any advice would be great! Thank you
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divorce, flirt, money, muscle Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (25 March 2016):
 I don't see any reason to string someone along when you're not interested, be it one date or a dozen dates. I think it would be much more unkind to take her out on that first date and allow her to feel like everything is going great when it's all a charade on your end.
A week is enough notice - let her know now that something has come up. But I don't see why you should have to go through with (and be socially expected to pay for) whatever the date is if you already know the flirting with other guys is going to be a deal-breaker for you. And I can understand why it might be. Politely excuse yourself from the date, don't reach out to reschedule and keep working out as you normally do.
Good luck and best wishes!
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (25 March 2016):
 Go one date, see what she is really all about then make a decision. Right now, she is unattached and free to flirt. Stuff like that changes, but you will never know unless you see what she is about. Despite all her flirting with big men at the gym, she sure did not pick them to go out on a date, so that is very telling. If things don't workout on a date, there is always a way to keep it platonic, to focus on working out rather then dating. So, don't cut yourself short now before knowing the full detail.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 March 2016):
 If go out with her, do not make plans for a second date. JUST because you go out to lunch or dinner with someone doesn't mean you have to sleep with them or date them. If you go out on the date, there is no reason to avoid her at the Gym. If you don't.. it might feel awkward for a few weeks, unless all the big fellas get on your back for cancelling...
Or cancel the date. If you are a cheeky monkey.. it shouldn't be too hard to make up a believable excuse....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 March 2016):
 I have two comments:
1. You "sound" terribly concerned with others' perception of you. Not necessary. Love yourself - and who you are - and pay no mind to WHAT YOU PERCEIVE TO BE "others' perception"....
2. You (and she?) made a date. Put on your "big boy" undies and go through with it.... because: 1. You MADE the date, and it's impolite to cancel, late, and, 2. You MIGHT find out that you and she REALLY LIKE one-another... and, you may never find out....
Good luck....
(sign me) 98 lb weakling..
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