A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I want lower std risks and no pregnancy risks. So I decided to try having hookups but only going as far as foreplay. What I'm worried about is what if they think I'm childish since we're all over 18? Or they may even be angry we're not f*cking...I want to tell them upfront, but I've heard that guys hear girls say all the time that they don't want to have sex at first. So the guys don't take them seriously and keep pressuring to start f*cking anyway. And...the girls can give in a lot of the time and will have sex anyway. So I'm also worried about if I meet a really experienced guy and he just blows me off when I tell him I don't want sex...Lastly I'm looking to stay sober but I've heard people can even get offended by that too!!Either how do I stop worrying about people disliking me or how do I deal with their potential anger and rejection?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the links and advice everyone. I was just being paranoid really.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 April 2016):
 Good to hear you have applied the basic “don’t have sex with a jerk” rule.
In re-reading your post, I was struck by this:” I want lower std risks and no pregnancy risks.”
I hate to tell you but oral sex carries plenty of STD risks. You may be right on the pregnancy risk but your longterm health could be totally affected by unprotected oral sex.
Here’s a good link I found for you: http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/std/oral/
Are you aware that oral cancer rates are becoming an epidemic? Because of unprotected oral sex...
Another link I found for you: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/conditions/sexual-health/a12020/infection-risks-associated-with-oral-sex/
OP, I would suggest you read this site, all of it, top to bottom: http://www.scarleteen.com I like this site because it provide non-judgmental, pragmatic, empowering and educational information in an relaxed format.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone...I think you're all right that if he's a jerk why would I be with him anyway?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 April 2016):
 ... So men in your area RAPE women? They don't take no for an answer? Well, then that is RAPE, and I would be worried about hooking up with these sort of men also. So if I were you, I'd not hook up with anyone, no matter who or how far I plan to go, because if they don't take no for an answer and don't respect women enough to NOT push for sex when the woman clearly does NOT want it, then it's not worth it!
Women "give in" after a while? Yeah, they are pressured and who knows if the guy is holding her down or wont leave her alone etc. It's still RAPE. If a woman says NO then if the guy does not respect that and keeps pushing for sex it IS RAPE. You need to grasp that concept. Sex without concent is RAPE.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (26 April 2016):
Committed couples develop, over a period of time, certain language and gestures that are judgment free yet comfortable for the levels of prude in them to tell one another what sort of sex they want. Regrettably, in hookups and ONS, no such language exists because there is no relationship. Therefore, there is no nice way to tell your hook-up buddy that you want just oral and manual.
ONS are done to do away with emotions and feelings, so it really does not matter what the other party thinks about you and your sexual demands. You will never see the other person again, and even if you do, they are, after the orgasm, meaningless. Therefore, you shouldn't worry what men think about you when you do hookups.
It goes the same about drinking. If you don't drink and they get offended by that, then the offense is theirs not yours because you've done nothing tangibly malicious to them that requires a remedy on your part. If these people shun you because you don't drink, then get another set of friends who actually have respect for your decisions.
Finally, your last question about being disliked and how to deal with rejection is telling me that you plan on using sex in order to gain acceptance, friendship and perhaps love. Regrettably, many women before you have tried this method, but ONS, FWB, hookups... is the worst possible way to gain acceptance and love. In fact, tons of studies show that both genders are happier the less sex partners they have. So, I would suggest that ONS and hook up is not for you if you are sensitive to what people think about you or if you have emotional empathy for others. These sexual activities are designed for people with absolutely no emotional sensitivity about what they want sexually and are willing to treat humans and sex as just another activity, sort of like a commodity. Your post is telling me that you are not that kind of a person.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 April 2016):
 I'll take it to the next level:
If you really want lower STI risks and no pregnancy risks, why would you look to put yourself in any situation to have physical contact with a guy? Why even consider the idea of a non-platonic friendship with a guy??
Truthfully? The purest definition of FWB is NO STRINGS ATTACHED sex partner. You putting boundaries on having an FWB but no sex means it's not an FWB, as you are putting strings on. If you're not ready for sex, you're not ready for FWB and you shouldn't ever enter into anything like that.
It's different when you're in a RELATIONSHIP with someone, getting to know someone, and it's going somewhere. Then the goal is getting closer as people, and physical contact is one of the many expressions of affection and eventually, love.
Do not hook up. Do not attempt a FWB. They are about SEX, not boundaries and strings. That's like going to a restaurant, sitting at a table, and telling the server that you're not there to order food. I know I may be disagreed with on this score, but a non-attachment arrangement is about people looking for SEX, where sex and only sex is the only reason why it's done.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 April 2016):
“I’m also worried about if I meet a really experienced guy and he just blows me off when I tell him I don’t want sex” Wait, does mean you think will be raped? Oh my dear. And you’re worried about being pressured into doing something you don’t want to do with FWB/ONS guys.
I agree completely with CindyCares. You do need some counseling and assertiveness training.
If you want to stay sober, stay sober. So what if someone is offended by that? Why would you care if someone is offended by it?
“how do I stop worrying about people disliking me or how do I deal with their potential anger and rejection?”
Definitely counseling, self-esteem work and assertiveness training.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 April 2016):
 Counseling , probably. And assertiveness training.
And read books about self esteem and how to increase it.
As a matter of fact if I were you I 'd start working seriously on myself before starting with hook ups left and right.
Tbh, at a first reading of your question I was just so amazed that I was not even sure it was a bona fide question.
Because to me the answer is rather " Elementary ,Watson ":
easy : if they get angry because they don't get to fuck... you don't want them anyway , and you would not accept a second hook up , so who cares what they think of you.
I mean, who the heck is the entitled prick who thinks he is OWED intercourse ? When, btw, pardon my French, he 'd be anyway getting free blowjobs and handjobs, no fuss no muss, no costs involved, no moral or social obligations ??
Don't tell me you'd LIKE an arrogant entitled little bastard like this, and you'd give him a second look, let alone a second BJ ?...
Sadly, apparently you would. You have a problem with self acceptance, which to some extent most of us women have or have had... only you carry it a bit further, by worrying to be disliked by perfect strangers who have no role or place in your life, plus who admittedly would not be with you because they like you, to begin with, but because they want a no pressure, no strings blow job.
Pardon me but it's a bit like the Thanksgiving turkey worrying about not being plump and juicy enough for the people who want to eat it ...
It's twisted; it's messed up. It warrants a professional intervention, by which I do not mean you are crazy but that you need to alter quite radically your thought structures and the way you perceive yourself in relation to people, and that you'll be able to do it faster an better with a little help from a competent professional, that by launching yourself into a oral and manual sex spree, in order to gain recognizion and acceptance from guys that, best case, are simply kids just like you, no better and no worse, and, worst case, are disgusting exploitative scum.
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