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How do I tell my husband without hurting his feelings that he doesn't satisfy me?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 November 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 8 January 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, *rs.unsatisfied writes:

So..I've been with my husband for 11 years. Sex was never a problem, up until recently. I was young when we first met so I never paid attention to the "small" size he carried, it would satisfy me completely. Now after 3 kids I feel differently. How can I tell him it doesn't feel the same without hurting his feelings? I haven't had an orgasm in a while, unless I masturbate when he's not around.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

How would you feel if your husband said "I thought your pussy was tight enough, but after 3 kids it feels really lose and you bring me no satisfaction".

Pretty crappy, huh?

You need to solve this in other ways rather than shaming your husband about something that he can't change.

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A female reader, mrs.unsatisfied United States +, writes (10 November 2016):

mrs.unsatisfied is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all for your comments, we haven't tried any toys as of yet I didn't know if it might bother him if I brought it up. I will give it a shot, so thank you. He does go down on me but he doesn't seem to enjoy it and so it becomes a major turn off, I will go down the other route maybe and stimulate myself while when we are together to start a change as well.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (8 November 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntWell you tell him that and his confidence will hit the floor. Instead off saying that to him, tell him you want to spice things up and try new things. Plenty off foreplay and this matter should be resolved. Most women cannot reach orgasm through sex.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016):

without going into much details I suggest that you try helping yourself during lovemaking to reach orgazm by hand or whatever mean you use to bate. There is nothing more exciting and a turn on to a guy than a woman actively persuing her pleasure during lovemaking and will ease discussing what you like him to do. As for his size do you know there are all sorts of toys and aids to compensate the shorage.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (6 November 2016):

YouWish agony auntYou're looking at it all wrong. The penis is not the only thing that can give you pleasure in sexual gratification! You'll hurt his feelings if you incorrectly surmise that you've gotten "bigger" and that he's "small". You could have changed chemically, you're older now, or sex has gotten a bit stale and could need a change-up!

Tell him that you'd like to experiment sexually with new positions or activities! You said you haven't had an orgasm in ages?? Doesn't he go down on you at all?? A tongue doesn't care about the size of your vagina and neither do fingers or "enhancers" like lotions or toys or water-play.

Also, your brain is the biggest sex organ you have, so if you're making love in the same way, taking the same amount of time, in the same amount of fashion, of course it'll get a bit stale even if he were twice the size he is now! That's what happens when you stop becoming sexually adventurous and trying new things.

Guys go through this too, and some guys make the same mistake YOU do and say that it's because their wife has gotten "too loose" when it's not the case AT ALL.

The problem is not his penis. Once you realize that and make both of you willing and eager participants of upping your bedroom game, you may very well have mind-blowing orgasms with practice, as well as a few hilarious fails!

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (6 November 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntMost women can't orgasm from penetration, so don't blame him, just ask to try new things and show him what feels good for you. The second you say anything like "you can't satisfy me" or "I never orgasm", he'll shut down because it'll knock his confidence. Don't talk about what isn't happening, talk about what *can* happen.

If he won't listen to what you'd like and what feels good for you, then you may need a more direct approach.

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