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How do I tell my husband that it hurts me when he looks at porn?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 October 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 18 October 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *ostGirl24 writes:

My question is how do I tell my husband that it hurts me when he looks at porn and hides it from me. I have told him over and over again that it hurts me. His response is that he will stop and he doesn't I love him a lot and don't want lose him. When he hides it from me and watches it it makes me feel that I'm not good enough for him and that I don't turn him on. I'm a little on the thick side and he doesn't care but the stuff he looks at the girls are bigger than me. If there is anyone out there that could help me with my problem please respond back. I don't know what else to do

lonely wife

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A female reader, Melys South Africa +, writes (18 October 2009):

Melys agony auntHi there,

I know how you feel...

Why don't you suggest to watch it with him? (not unless you feel too insecure to do that.) then that way, he has nothing to hide! and it's something that you can both be involved in...together.

I get paranoid too, I know from time to time my husband watches it..but at the end of the day, it's only fantasy, not reality...and there's no emotion involved.

Good Luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009):

I'm in the same situation. My problem is he can't perform with me because he's been so busy with his porn! What can I do? We're in our 50's, enjoyed a healthy sex life for years. I recently found out he's emailing other women, adding new friends on facebook that are the same age as our oldest daughter, and hiding money.... hmmmm sounds like something else entirely is going on doesn't it?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (16 October 2009):

Hi there lonely wife.

It's not that he doesn't love you and it's not that you're not good enough. In the same way that there are lot of women who like erotic fantasty stories, guys like porn. A lot of men use it because it's an easy visual aid. That doesn't mean that he should lie to you though. If he says he will stop, he should stop. If he's not stopping, then you need to sit him down and ask him why he continues to look at it and lie to you. Do it calmly.

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A female reader, fairytail United States +, writes (16 October 2009):

fairytail agony auntWhy not watch it together I do with my husband. I also use it as a tool to learn from it. If that is what turns him on then be his porn star. I think you should dress up real sexy some night and show him ur just as hot and even better than teh women on tv or pc. I used to hate porn allot but its not all bad. He loves the fantasy of it all men need to visualize things and they are more hands on. Talk to him and tell him how you feel im sure it will be fine... good luck :)

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